It was because I was so intent on keeping myself away from any situation where I might be dangerous that I made those choices. I pushed everyone away to keep them safe, but I now firmly believe that if I had not removed every human element from my life out of fear that I'd hurt them, I would never have hurt the people I did in the first place.

I made a mistake, and I kept on making that mistake for years because I never let anyone close enough to help me. You're young, and I don't expect you to understand, I only realized it very recently myself. But that's what it is.