[It is nothing against GRANTAIRE that Enjolras's mind does not go to the possibility, or anything. Grantaire proved himself to be one of them in the end, and Enjolras was touched by whatever power the barricades had that gave him the ability but beyond that? He oould not comprehend something like that. Not truly.]

I miss him too, of all things. We were never close, Grantaire and I, but even so. It feels wrong with him gone, doesn't it? Especially now with the lifting of the rationing. It may have been better for him here, and I did hope that we could speak. I know that what he did, his final choice had nothing to do with me myself and it is selfish to even consider how I felt in the moment but I would have wished to tell him what that gave me. Grantaire allowed for me to draw on enough strength to finish well, so that I did not fail her by showing any of them fear. I wish that I had thanked him for it. Or been present enough to have joined you during that time. It seems as though it would have been the least that I could do after what he gave me.

[Enjolras often thinks of it, those final moments, is ashamed that it took another to fill him with the calm that he must have at that moment, and is entirely grateful, though he knows that he did not deserve it, for his failures, that he was able to stand with another instead of alone.]

I do not think that gift he brought could ever be repaid and I certainly did not deserve it, but...small miracles of grace, perhaps? I'd never known he understood me so well.