[like she cares about the sneaky history update! She just squints as she tries to think back to her weak history lessons. The events were pretty simple]

British colonies, Boston Tea Party, Revolution, and then America became its own country. Then there was a civil war. Then a bigger world war, followed by a bigger world war, and then we went to space, annnnd then the world went to shit.

In a nutshell, that's, what, 200 years of history? Maybe 300?