[Unlike Gene, Tony's been lucky: few of his friends and close relationships have vanished. So he's not used to it, and he's never prepared for it when it does happen.
He'd really liked Alayne. He'd considered her a good friend. And he hates the thought of her going back to her world alone. She'd never really opened up about her past, but it had been pretty obvious that the place she was going back to wasn't a great one.]
She didn't... leave a note or anything, did she...?
[A few people had done that, especially when there'd been more foreigners: wrote 'wills' or left messages for their friends in case they got pulled home.]
No, I was just hoping she... [He trails off, and shrugs, obviously trying to look less upset than he is.] It doesn't matter. Thanks for saying something.
Just, left messages or something. It sucks when people go home and they just... vanish, you know? I mean, yeah, everybody vanishes, but...
[He shrugs again. The sentiment he's trying and failing to put into words is: the foreigners' disappearances are always unexpected, but when they leave nothing behind, it makes it that much harder for the people who cared about them to deal with their loss.
When foreigners return to their universes, they lose all their memories of Keeliai, and the friends they'd made in Keeliai can never see them again. Except on the very rare occasions that they return and get their memories back, it is, functionally, just like they've died.]
[Tony looks away, his expression shifting into an angry frown. His anger isn't directed at Anton, though. There is no such clear target for his frustration - and that's part of the problem.]
But this... This place, it's— worse. We get stuck here with no way home, and then as soon as we start to get used to it and make friends, we get zapped back home and forget everything. You start to care about people, and suddenly they're gone and they've forgotten you. And what about the people who can't go home? The ones who died right before they came here? They build whole new lives here and then they're just dead again, for no reason. We've built so much here— and we're all going to lose everything, with no warning.
Why can't we stay? Why can't we keep our memories? It's like whoever made this magic just wanted to fuck with us. It feels somebody's idea of a sick prank.
[Tony glances at the screen again, seeming to realize how agitated he's become and how long that rant had run on. His jaw takes on a sullen set, and he sighs and crosses his arms.]
There should be a way to fix this, [he mutters bitterly.]
[Anton listens patiently, with every sign that this was why he was prompting in the first place. But he waits until he's sure that Tony is done before speaking, and does so gently.]
Is life so different? No warning for the deaths of loved ones, few second changes. The fear, or likelihood, of being forgotten after the fact.
All things end, Tony. Fair or not, it isn't a fact that can be fought. It's what makes the moments between that much more precious.
[Tony's brows furrow.] Yeah, but people don't disappear every other week in normal life. You expect to be able to know people for longer than a few months. But here— the longest anybody's been here is about three years. Most people don't even last a year. That's not normal. Just because everything ends eventually doesn't mean we shouldn't try to make it last longer.
Ah. And that is a worthy cause to pursue. But to say that it must be fixed implies that it is broken. Life is life, Tony. To resent it for what it is only distracts your energies from making it something else.
If something's broken, that's a reason to fix it, not a distraction. [You're talking to an engineer, Anton, I don't know what you expected.]
The process that brings us here isn't a natural phenomenon - it's a spell, or whatever. Eshai made it to work the way it does. There's got to be a way to change it to make it work differently.
[Exactly this. It's the emotions, more than the attitude, that might be getting in Stark's way. But then, he's still young, and shakes his head with a slight smile.]
I wouldn't stop you from trying even if I could. But do recall that such achievements are usually made with a clear head, and the help of others.
But the second part of Anton's statement catches Tony's attention, and he looks thoughtful.] Is there anybody still here who knows anything about the spell? There have to have been other people who looked into this.
[Fortunately Anton is nicer than Mr Fizzles. He only smiles.]
If there have, I don't know of them. Milyn may know, and I seem to recall Raine had an interest the planar differences. She was working with Wreath on them, as I recall.
[It was a conversation a long time back, when Anton warned her about the man, but it might still be pertinent to Tony's interests.]
[What, Anton, you mean you don't know all the comings and goings of everything and everyone on the turtle? WELL GOSH.]
We should look at the books the College pulled out. If there's nothing in those... [He trails off into uncomfortable silence. The remnants of the Palace were walled up for good reason. Opening them up again isn't likely to generate a lot of good feelings.] If there was something still inside the library that could help the foreigners... it might help us figure out how to bring back the kedan who disappeared, too.
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[Unlike Gene, Tony's been lucky: few of his friends and close relationships have vanished. So he's not used to it, and he's never prepared for it when it does happen.
He'd really liked Alayne. He'd considered her a good friend. And he hates the thought of her going back to her world alone. She'd never really opened up about her past, but it had been pretty obvious that the place she was going back to wasn't a great one.]
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[A few people had done that, especially when there'd been more foreigners: wrote 'wills' or left messages for their friends in case they got pulled home.]
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[She didn't seem to have much confidence in her worthiness, or anything to leave to others.]
If there's anything among her possessions you'd like to retrieve, I can set it aside for you.
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[It's a gentle prompt and if Tony denies it again Anton won't push.]
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[He shrugs again. The sentiment he's trying and failing to put into words is: the foreigners' disappearances are always unexpected, but when they leave nothing behind, it makes it that much harder for the people who cared about them to deal with their loss.
When foreigners return to their universes, they lose all their memories of Keeliai, and the friends they'd made in Keeliai can never see them again. Except on the very rare occasions that they return and get their memories back, it is, functionally, just like they've died.]
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whoops i spilled some feelings on this thread
But this... This place, it's— worse. We get stuck here with no way home, and then as soon as we start to get used to it and make friends, we get zapped back home and forget everything. You start to care about people, and suddenly they're gone and they've forgotten you. And what about the people who can't go home? The ones who died right before they came here? They build whole new lives here and then they're just dead again, for no reason. We've built so much here— and we're all going to lose everything, with no warning.
Why can't we stay? Why can't we keep our memories? It's like whoever made this magic just wanted to fuck with us. It feels somebody's idea of a sick prank.
[Tony glances at the screen again, seeming to realize how agitated he's become and how long that rant had run on. His jaw takes on a sullen set, and he sighs and crosses his arms.]
There should be a way to fix this, [he mutters bitterly.]
all part of Anton's plan
Is life so different? No warning for the deaths of loved ones, few second changes. The fear, or likelihood, of being forgotten after the fact.
All things end, Tony. Fair or not, it isn't a fact that can be fought. It's what makes the moments between that much more precious.
Re: all part of Anton's plan
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The process that brings us here isn't a natural phenomenon - it's a spell, or whatever. Eshai made it to work the way it does. There's got to be a way to change it to make it work differently.
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I wouldn't stop you from trying even if I could. But do recall that such achievements are usually made with a clear head, and the help of others.
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But the second part of Anton's statement catches Tony's attention, and he looks thoughtful.] Is there anybody still here who knows anything about the spell? There have to have been other people who looked into this.
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If there have, I don't know of them. Milyn may know, and I seem to recall Raine had an interest the planar differences. She was working with Wreath on them, as I recall.
[It was a conversation a long time back, when Anton warned her about the man, but it might still be pertinent to Tony's interests.]
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Maybe I'll talk to them. [Then another thought occurs to him:] ...What about the old Palace library?
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[Thoughtfully.]
I haven't been there myself, but given the library belonged to the previous Emperor, there may well be something in there of note.
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[He's smiling faintly, though. It's not sarcasm, just gentle amusement.]
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We should look at the books the College pulled out. If there's nothing in those... [He trails off into uncomfortable silence. The remnants of the Palace were walled up for good reason. Opening them up again isn't likely to generate a lot of good feelings.] If there was something still inside the library that could help the foreigners... it might help us figure out how to bring back the kedan who disappeared, too.