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I...apologize if this message comes at an inconvenient time for some--[Aya was well aware of the many ongoing events of the present, and the tension resulting from those involved in just one, let alone multiple]--but...
I wish to better understand the concept of embracing one's negative emotions. Anger. Hatred. Rage. Sadness. How one is best able to do so, and what motivations drive an individual towards them.
[It was here that Aya's normally emerald hue briefly flickered a more bluish-green. Not the blue of Saint Walker's Blue Lantern light, but a much darker shade The blue was gone as quickly as it appeared, however, before Aya finished her thought.]
Most of all, I would like to know if the...pain...is ultimately worth it.
I wish to better understand the concept of embracing one's negative emotions. Anger. Hatred. Rage. Sadness. How one is best able to do so, and what motivations drive an individual towards them.
[It was here that Aya's normally emerald hue briefly flickered a more bluish-green. Not the blue of Saint Walker's Blue Lantern light, but a much darker shade The blue was gone as quickly as it appeared, however, before Aya finished her thought.]
Most of all, I would like to know if the...pain...is ultimately worth it.
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To embrace these feelings of darkness and negativity in an effort to better align myself with the Dark side of the Force, and the subsequent increase in power that comes with it.
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I think that its important to acknowledge 'negative' feelings, otherwise they fester. But it's not good for you to stew in them.
[ At least, that's what she was taught. ]
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[Gone were the days when Aya took everything 100% literal; while she knew this training was not a technological or biological need, per say, it was something she considered greatly important to her. A side of herself she had never fully understood. Already, her training with Kylo had unlocked things she had never before considered, and she knew that to continue with him would be to continue learning.]
[Even if it meant more pain.]
How do I know if I am...stewing?
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A problem I frequently have, especially after a recent rejection or failure, is to start questioning myself. I start thinking the failure is indicative of a greater problem with the entirety of myself. It leads to me minimizing my accomplishments and exaggerating my shortcomings.
Other 'negative' emotions have the same kinds of feedback mechanisms. If you get angry, you're more likely to let small things that would otherwise not bother you become enormous irritants.
[ She's way better at preaching this than practicing it. ]
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That is...yes, I believe I understand now.
[The definition of "stewing"]
Although I have not yet seen a notable decrease in proficiency with each failure, it is true that I allow myself to review the memory so that I may better understand what it is I have done wrong. So that I will not do that again.
[For someone who did not know her, seeing only a highly advanced robot, it would sound as if Aya only failed once at something before figuring out how to succeed. This was very much not the case.]
I have seen the power of anger. It is as you describe, yes, but...because the situation was exasperated into something of perceived greater significance, a much higher percentage of power was accessed in order to handle matters.
[Years had passed since she'd last seen Razer, but she still thought of him now. Memories of him a large driving force towards her desire to understand the power of Rage.]
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You see people who tap into anger to get stronger in cartoons, but I'm skeptical that it works like that in real life. The limits of the human body are usually more successfully unlocked with meditation and discipline, not by going 'berserk.'
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That is, perhaps, true.
But I am not human. Neither is Razer.
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[The initial response, and while she knew this alone would not be sufficient and would require more elaboration...Aya still took a moment of reflection. Memories of years ago flashed in her mind's eye, as clear as if they had occured the day prior. She did not forget. Could not forget those she had left behind in her universe.]
Red Lanterns draw their power from their anger. Most of them are not good. But Razer...I have seen him use his anger to help others. Including myself.
[If one could consider blasting apart a Manhunter "good". Still, it was for her benefit. The Manhunter had "hurt" her, and although she could not feel physical pain, the act alone had sent Razer into such a fury that even the Blue Lantern energies could not contain his ring's energy.]
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But I think it does sound like an unreliable and potentially dangerous one. One that should be used with caution.
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[Her skin flickered blue again. Longer this time. Nearly a full three seconds before it faded, and she was Aya again.]
I am a Green Lantern. I am accustomed to danger.
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Ah, well. Good luck, then. I hope it works out.
[ Go go gadget subject change? ]
You're not in the Foreigner's Guild, are you?
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I am not.
I have aligned myself with the Board of Sciences. It was a logical choice, given my position at Stark Industries.
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Because would it not be accurate to describe all of the guilds as eclectic, as they are welcoming individuals from all worlds to join as members?
[She had been getting better about taking things too literally, but...in this instance, it was literally relevant.]
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I was actually interested in hearing more about it. I assumed it had some overlap with the College, but it also includes Stark Industries? That means a lot of Metalworkers are in the science guild, right? Is the family a major influence in the guild? Do they still maintain their own kind of hierarchy separate from the guild?
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Affiliation with a Guild is not automatic, although many employees of Stark Industries and attendees of the College are similarly interested in continuing their work in collaborative harmony. As such, I do believe that many of the Metalworkers will, in fact, choose to align themselves with the Board of Sciences as well.
As I have been informed, their will be five individual hierarchies, focused on the areas of Funding, Public Relations, Academic Sciences, Practical Sciences, and Ethics. I do not currently know who heads each area at this time, although it is worth noting that Kyde had been particularly focused in the latter.
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Right, I can imagine that largely designed around research has a capital requirements. Are you mostly looking to negotiate grants from other guilds, or monetizing research for consumer goods? Some combination?
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I am primarily focused in research and development in both the Academic and Practical Sciences.
[She lived where she worked, neither ate nor drank, nor required articles of clothing for protection from the elements. Aya had little idea how much money she actually had (she knew the number, of course, but not its valued significance beyond the cost of parts and equipment), let alone an adequate concept of how to manage funds for an entire Guild.]
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Any big projects, then? You're not sworn to secrecy or anything like that, are you?
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Nothing at this time. Although I have been experimenting with new liquid protective coatings, that is more of a personal project that has, as of yet, proven otherwise beneficial to other forms of technology in this world.
As the consoles are biotechnical and consist of organic matters different than myself, I must take that into account before extending any experimental materials on them. They are...very particular about any modifications.
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[And here, if Aya were able to blush...judging by the way her eyes averted (shyly?), she would have.]
It is simply that some of the new coatings look...nicer.
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Do you have any designs in mind? Can I see?