Video;

[manofiron]

[ The video begins with a dark-haired man centered in the middle of the frame. He’s got dark eyes, a precisely cut goatee, and hair that’s a little too styled to be naturally that neat. There isn’t a lot to see beyond his chin, he’s sitting too close to the camera, but what can be seen looks vaguely like a shirt of shiny red metal.

His brow knits almost immediately after the feed starts recording, his expression edging toward disbelief as his lips twist into a mild frown. ]

Look. I get it. In a time of crisis, rationing’s necessary to keep resources moving in the right direction. Perfectly understandable. You guys needed to save your turtle. What responsible citizen wouldn’t do their part for that noble cause?

[ There’s a slight hint f sarcasm creeping into his voice, as though he’s heard the whole turtle spiel already and not only hasn’t been impressed, but also doesn’t really buy it either. Not even after having spent half a day scouring the network for information about what’s really going on here before making this video. ]

But really? Twenty bucks?

[ The low, indistinct murmur of another voice can be heard, though what it’s saying and who it belongs to is anyone’s guess. Whatever it says, it’s enough to make the man roll his eyes. ]

Juulan. Whatever. Doesn’t matter. The point — [ Whether he’s talking to the camera or the unidentified voice is unclear. ] — is that it isn’t enough for a day, let alone the entire bogus adventure.

[ It isn’t so much the way he looks at the camera – his eyes have never left it – but the change of his tone, less querulous and more curious, that indicates that he’s talking to whoever’s on the other end of the console. ]

So really. Turtle propaganda aside. What’s a guy gotta do to get some decent money around here? Sell his organs? Hit the street corners? Scrub barnacles off the bottom of the turtle? What?

Comments

[backinakidflash]

Then what is he? Cause I can admit when I'm confused.

I didn't have shoes because I wasn't wearing them when I showed up. I promise the future has shoes. That's seriously your concern about the future? 'Will there be shoes?'

Thanks? But I still don't hear you explaining.

[manofiron]

He's, well, right now he's kind of just the ghost in the machine. This machine. [ He drums his fingers against his chest, gauntlet-covered fingers tapping loud enough on the metal to be heard over the video. ] Think of him like a soul without a body. That's the easiest way.

Actually, my biggest concern about the future is the unitard problem. But a case could be made for shoes too.

[ Oh, fine. He'll give him the answer he was originally going to say. ]

Forty-two. That's the explanation.

[backinakidflash]

He's an AI only? [Cough cough] SKYNET. [Cough] Ahem.

Unitards are a problem? You're kinda wearing a metal one there, buddy.

[Bart snickers. He has read that book, Tony Stark.] So you're telling me it's a 'how many roads must a man walk down?' solution? Cause the real Ultimate Question was 'what do you get if you multiply six by nine.'

[manofiron]

JARVIS is actually smarter than Skynet. If he decides that he wants to eradicate the humans from the planet, he's not going to bother with time-traveling robots.

It's a suit. Not a unitard. Do your unitards have missiles? I don't think so.

[ Ah, a fellow geek. Tony grins at him. ] That's exactly the solution.

[backinakidflash]

That was kind of a stupid way to go about it. "Oh, we only need to kill one person for this to work." Most of history requires more than one person, and it's not all that easy to change things. The movie got that right, sorta, with whole 'going back is what causes him to be born in the first place' thing, but if things were really altered, shouldn't she suddenly not have a kid and be back at her apartment like nothing ever happened? These are the things that should keep me up at night.

The unitards don't need missiles. Plasma guns exist.

That's a crappy solution. But. I guess it doesn't matter. Life's what you make it.

[manofiron]

That's why you don't take out an entire species with a nuke. Too many margins for error. You do what Shyamalan did. You engineer a neurotoxin specifically designed for your target. Then you wipe them all out. That's what JARVIS learned from watching Terminator.

[ It's possible he wouldn't sound quite so proud of his AI if he thought there was even a remote possibility that JARVIS would go Skynet on the world. But he knows he won't. ]

Plasma guns? Really? I made something like that once. Prototype. Never really took off. Military was too attacked to bullets.

And I say, make it fun.

[backinakidflash]

Like myxomatosis. Smart. But. Uh. Kinda scary. Thanks for the warning.

[Bart nods.] Yeah, really. Why is that surprising? Energy's easier to come by than the right bullets in the field.

Doing my best! It's not always a blast, but it's never dull.

[manofiron]

That's what I told them. But it was a little newfangled for their sensibilities. I also don't think they really approved of a gun that could be set not to kill people. But that's just me.

What matters is that you try. Trust me, some things seem to resist fun. People too. Personally, I think that just means that they're born members of the fun police.

[backinakidflash]

Then they need to get newfangled. I wonder how many soldiers want to be in a war. Like if you took a poll of all of veterans everywhere. How many would say it was a really stupid idea in the first place? Because I think a lot of them would say they were only there because the country made them fight. Imagine how much easier it'd be for a country to recover from a war if it didn't wipe out a generation. There'd be a lot less hatred for whoever you were fighting against, too, if you didn't lose brothers and friends.

Kinda hard to swap from that to fun. But - yeah. I know a few of those.

[manofiron]

[ And here's an emotional pitfall Tony inadvertently set himself up to pitch headfirst into. ]

I only know of one. All the rest... You're right. The world would be better off without war. It's just figuring out how to get that that's the problem. I guess the future isn't any better off in that regard?

[backinakidflash]

[Oh look, the emotional pitfall that Bart also set himself up to go back to.]

N-not really. Maybe a little. Less borders to fight over, more. Stereotypical utilitarian dystopia. Or. It was when I left. Haven't been back to really check up on it.

[manofiron]

Should've known. Let me guess. Two plus two equals five, right? Only a place like that would force people to wear unitards.

[ Is this joke getting old yet? It will. He's not going to let it go. ]

You should drop in on my time sometime. It's not half bad.

[backinakidflash]

Something like that. How'd you like to live where the Science Police will confiscate any unauthorized experiments and inventions? Lock you up just cause the president says so? Kinda puts a damper on progress. They run some experiments of their own that are totally questionable, too.

Could do that. But I'm not sure your time matters if your world is different.

[manofiron]

I wouldn't. Literally. They'd probably execute me the first time they caught me.

[ Ordinary people might be perturbed by that. Ordinary people also tend to have a healthy self-preservation instinct. ]

So it's different? Not just time-wise but dimension-wise too?

[backinakidflash]

[Bart looks grim. They do that, Tony. They arrange for people to die. People like Bart's dad.]

That's not funny.

And. Probably? I don't recognize that gear you've got on there. I kinda get the feeling I should. If it's same world/same time.

[manofiron]

No, probably not. Sorry.

[ This is why he shouldn't talk to people. Or be let out in public. ]

In my world, I'm the only one who wears stuff like this. I made it.

[backinakidflash]

Huh. You'd think everyone'd want one.

[manofiron]

A lot of them do. I just don't let them have it.

[backinakidflash]

Seems a little selfish.

[Heroes need other heroes. For like. Checks and balances. And backup.]

[manofiron]

Last time I let people have access to my tech, a lot of other people got hurt. Much as the military disagrees, it's better for everybody if it stays with me.

[backinakidflash]

I can see how many the missile part might not be something you want to give out like candy on Halloween.

[manofiron]

That's why I stick to mass-producing things like cell phones and longer lasting batteries for the public. Less chance of some yahoo taking out a city block that way.

[backinakidflash]

Oh man, you make cell phones? Faster keypads, OK? Touch screens are cool and all that, but do you know how annoying it is when you confuse the phone with texting?

Hey - is it true that cell phone batteries have exploded and killed people?

[manofiron]

That's why I made my own phone. I got tired of unresponsive keyboards, autocorrect, crashes, and poor connectivity.

Lithium-ion batteries can explode. But you're more likely to get hit by lightning than you are to have your phone combust. Unless you hang out with Thor.

[backinakidflash]

Uh.

I don't know Thor, but. I'm pretty certain my odds are higher on lightning than you'd think.