♒ 3rd AUDIO

[unconchonable]

[Oh hey, this certain sounds like that dude who threw a huge hissy-fit over how cold it is just the other day.]

I know humans are downright fuckin' borin' and incapable a understandin' the MAJESTY a this sorta thing, but this turtle-bound metropolis ain't all that biased with who it's pickin' to bring here, so I figured I'd ask this ewen if I'll get some slack-jawed brainless answers from humans concernin' this. Takin' one for my curiosity, it seems.

[Truth be told, he's more bored than curious.]

So, do any a you other races hawe a romance that's parallel to kismesissitude? Which, I'm sure you lot ain't got the pans to understand what that means outright, so with my infinite magnanimity, I'll explain. It's like hawin' a nemesis, an' not just any ol' brinesucker that snarls at you funny. But a bona fide riwal, that which dedicates his or her existence to bein' a metaphorical thorn in your side, all contentious an' bellicose like, but newer quite aimin' to be your end. Just wantin' you around to make you miserable, to challenge you an' keep you on your fuckin' toes all proper like. In a way, they make you better than you once were, but still spit in your face while they do it.

[He lets out a sigh, it almost sounds dreamy in a way. He may be missing having a kismesis, just a little bit.]

But what you got an' they got in regards to one another ain't no mushy pity, hell no, it's all pure hatred, seethin' boilin' fuckin' ENMITY. And through your wiolent an' destructiwe black waltz, you fight, an' bloody each other up, make out a little...

[Okay... there's no maybe. He definitely misses it.]

--Anyway, so do any a you other species out there got anythin' like that, or are all you bound to a singular quadrant all borin' an' such? An' if it ain't like humans with their solely pity-based quadrant, what manner a romance do you got yourselwes?

Comments

[fearlessherosheart]

Enmity and rivalry are hardly unknown.

[Eridan, being (probably) uninterested in the variations in humans, might not notice the visual cues that signal Tazendra isn't a garden-variety human. That and the most noticeable one is that she is over seven feet tall, which is hard to see when she's seated at a console, especially now that she's had a chance to move things around so that everything is at a comfortable height and she doesn't look like she's at Parent Night in a kindergarten classroom.}

[She'd clear it up, but Tazendra still hasn't figured out that her own definition of 'human' excludes every other human on the Turtle.]

[unconchonable]

[He turns his own video on, which allows her to see his grey skin, lightning bolt horns, etc.]

Yeah, but I ain't talkin' about nothin' platonic. This is a quadrant a romance, after all. They'd essentially be your hate girl-slash-boyfriend.

[Yeah, Eridan doesn't notice anything outright. She looks pretty human to him, and the size comparison, as stated, goes unnoticed completely.]

[video]

[fearlessherosheart]

[she appears to be considering this]

I cannot say I have considered it; when caught up in battle, it is difficult for other passions to even compare. Especially if it is with one who I feel enmity: to not fight as if it was my life or hers would be unacceptable.

[video]

[unconchonable]

Yes. See, that's what I'm talkin' about! That sorta passion that runs so fuckin' deep, like all fuckin' consumin'! Which you can only find in the heat a battle or competition with someone you're in the pitch throes for. I mean, how can someone honestly surwiwe without that sort a exhilaratin' sensation?

[A beat.]

So, do you got someone like that?

video, private (default %); DAMIAN WAYNE EDITION

[bacondivination]

[ The image in the video is that of a young man, clearly one that's serious in nature. It's a dead on impersonation of this kid. ]

Humans do have similar romantic entanglements. Unfortunately, the challenge involved is that it's socially unacceptable to express those sentiments in public.

It makes it difficult to find someone to properly hate.

video, private (default %); there is nothing more majestic than you

[unconchonable]

[Eridan quirks a brow at that answer. Of course, he's none the wiser that this is none other than Loki. Completely deceived.]

Why the fuck would it be? It's fuckin' essential for trolls. In fact, we will get culled if we don't got ourselwes one by the time the brood happens.

[Is that why Rose turned him down? Some human social reason? It'd make sense, but their conversation was private for the most part, so it's not like it was some public affair or anything... Fucking pain in the ass fucking humans.]

above setting FOREVER; also no u

[bacondivination]

It's a sacred bond between two people. If you're open with it or somehow indiscreet, then others might try to stop you due to their own agendas.

[ So they're removed from the gene pool if they're not douchebaggy enough? Suddenly a lot makes sense here. ]

While it's not strictly to survive, it's still important and it requires special courtship gestures.

[unconchonable]

That's bloody stupid. If you're strong enough, then you should be able to hold your own, as well as uphold your relationship.

[But he knows how fragile and pathetic humans are. SCOFF.]

What sorta special courtship gestures?

voice;

[animosus]

[His description fits Hal's relationship with someone awfully well, but they don't make out and Hal tells himself that no, that'd be gross. He does not think of Sinestro in that way.]

It's not unheard of. But it's also considered that a relationship based on hate is unsustainable in the long run, although I bet the sex is fantastic while it lasts.

[Abort abort, let's not consider how sex like that would be.]

Most species I've encountered follow along the same lines as human relationships.

[Benefits of being a Green Lantern, lots of space travel.]

voice;

[unconchonable]

It bloody is! [Eridan, shut up, you wouldn't even know how the sex is, you're 13.] But I don't see why it wouldn't be sustainable, so long as you an' your kismesis can fan the flames a your riwalry, it could go for hundreds a sweeps! You just gotta find the right sack a shit that gets under your husk in just the right way.

[Wow that's disappointing. Hatemance is so great!]

How lame. Don't get me wrong, I'm partial to hawin' a matesprit an' all, but it ain't fulfillin' in the ways a kismesis is.

voice;

[animosus]

Intense emotions always work well for that. But... the most common interpretation of your 'kismesis' involves no strings attached. That never ends well for either of the parties involved.

[He's not going to judge on weird alien sex practices but he is going to feel so weirded out when he learns Eridan's age.]

[backinakidflash]

What?

I don't get it at all... sounds kinda unhealthy.

And human relationships aren't based on pity.

[unconchonable]

Lemme guess, you're human right? [He sounds so condescending.]

I knew you pan stunted idiots would flock to this ewentually. An' how ain't it healthy? I mean, it ain't like it's somethin' which'll result in you dyin'. Probably.

[A beat.]

I mean, the goal ain't to CULL each other, or maim 'em in a way that leawes 'em inferior to you. Ain't much a challenge if you, say, chuck 'em off a cliff an' leawe 'em paralyzed.

Also, pity is close enough to what humans hawe, so whatewer.

[backinakidflash]

"Pan-stunted"? Is the translator garbling stuff?

Anyway. If you wanna get the literal response, spitting in someone's eye? Good job. You prolly just gave them a couple diseases. But I meant more emotionally unhealthy. Nobody wants to be with someone who treats them like crap. Pity's nothing like love. I think you need to check yourself.

[virginprice]

Terre d'Ange has stories of such rivalries, though we don't have a particular name for it. They don't tend to end well, though. Still, there are all sorts of romance, though I don't think most of them are based on pity.

[In his opinion, pity is not a good basis for romance. At all.]

[unconchonable]

Terre d'Ange?

And they were riwalries that were romantic? Not just some blokes beatin' the shit outta each other without any romantic intent?

[In Eridan's opinion, pity is all you need for a positive romance.]

I figured there were probably more types, just seems common that most species only got one. Which is borin' as fuck.

[virginprice]

Love comes in all forms. Our god, Blessed Elua, told us to love as we will- who can command love to take a certain shape?

[And, okay, some of them might include pity. Maybe.]

Perhaps they aren't so clearly differentiated in some cultures. Some put less thought into it.

video;

[wrathfulkhan]

[HE CANNOT HELP HIMSELF. HE CANNOT. HELP. HIMSELF. THE SASS CANNOT BE CONTAINED.]

Oh. So is that what you were trying to start with me? Well, I must say I'm flattered, but my heart belongs to another. [He's already got one, you see! Oh yes, it's very nice.]

video;

[unconchonable]

[OH LORD.]

Oh fuckin' please, you are hardly worth my black romantic endeawors. If I had a cape, you'd not be fit to hold the ends of it. I cannot giwe a fuckin' bloody SHIT about whether or not you got a riwal either!

[WAY TO RUB THAT IN HIS FACE WHEN HIS BLACK QUADRANT IS PAINFULLY EMPTY.]

audio;

[hulkintraining]

Sounds like a really unhealthy relationship. Although if you scratch out the making out part that could sum up the average rivalry relationship.

audio;

[unconchonable]

Maybe if you're a inferior species that has no ability to handle anythin' rougher than a hopbeast.

[An indignant snort.]

Why the ewer lowin' fuck would you take the makin' out part out? That's like, literally one a the best parts! I don't want no riwalry if it ain't got the romantic benefits.

[That's like the kismesis equivalent of being friendzoned, man. No fun.]

audio;

[hulkintraining]

Hopbeast? [Does he want to know?]

Uh...because you hate the person? Usually hating someone cancels out any feelings of wanting to make out.

video »

[dow]

Vulcans do not, although we have many ways of entering a bonded union. What are the other quadrants that you mentioned? Categorizing romantic endeavors is a highly efficient manner of selecting mates via channeled chaotic emotions toward a specific end and I am curious.

[ Someone had to say it, lbr. ]

video »

[unconchonable]

Ok, well... [He pauses briefly, trying to think on how to approach this.]

Trolls operate on two basic emotions, there's just wariations that there of. Which is pity an' hate. We got four quadrants: matespritship, kismesissitude, moirallegiance, and auspistism. kismesissitude and auspistism deriwe from hate, while matespritship and moirallegiance deriwes from pity. I already described kismesissitude, so goin' on to the other concupiscent is matespritship, represented by a red heart. This quadrant acts similarly to how other species lowe does, but not... entirely? Since, it ain't ruled by lowe, but by extreme pity for the indiwidual. [A beat.] Oh, kismesissitude is represented by a black spade, figured I should add that.

Next is moirallegiance, represented by a pink diamond, which is conciliatory. Meanin' one party works as a pacifier for the other, usually a wiolent troll an' one far more lewel headed get together to make a moirallegiance, the more lewel headed a the two calmin' the other durin' times a wiolent outbreak, and helpin' them maintain proper control ower themselwes. Y'know, so they don't go killin' mass amounts a trolls, or get themselwes killed by bein' downright stupid. They also act as emotional relief. Kinda like, I dunno, a plantonic soulmate if you will. Sometimes the more wiolent a the two acts as a guardian for their pacifier as well. Both kinda help each other out in a way. [As Eridan's explaining this one, though, he hardly sounds thrilled about it. A bit bitter towards it, really.]

Lastly is auspistism, the other conciliatory quadrant, represented by the grey clower . Which, like the clower has three leawes, inwolwes three trolls. Basically, outta the two emotions, us trolls definitely got a lot a hate, and it's really easy to get riled by any ol' sand-slash-brinesucker who giwes you a funny snarl, and sometimes that can be mistaken for somethin' a bit blacker in shade than it actually is. Which is a bad thing if you got yourself a kismesis, because that there would be black infidelity. So, that's where the auspistice comes in, who mediates between the possible fightin'. Bein' all sure like that the two don't go cheatin' on their kismesis, or, in some cases, it's to keep the two quarrelin' parties aliwe. Without this quadrant, there would be a lot more murder goin' on, and beliewe me, we got plenty a that in stock as is.

[That sure is an info dump, god. He almost feels like Karkat going on and on about this, but he doesn't mind. Romance is definitely an interest of his, anyway.]

Any questions?

video »

[dow]

[ He sits raptly through the explanation, nodding where prompted and tilting his head with a flicker of intrigue now and again. ]

Yes. [ It's not because he doesn't understand, because he does and seems to accept the quadrant system as just as efficient as initially suspected; this is pure fascination. ] Is it possible for one individual to serve dual roles, such as one half of a moirallegiance and one third of an auspistism?