tushanshu | 001 ♋ VIDEO

[The post begins with a shot of Karkat's grey, frowning face. This is not actually unusual, but lest it be dismissed as no more than his usual expression, there is the tone of his words to follow.]

Guess what! Apparently it's not enough for a guy to to learn one of the friends he hasn't seen in literal years is brainwashed and crazy. Apparently it's not enough to be informed that his Empress--not this "Emperor" here, the actual one from my world--expects him to just bow and scrape and go yes, your Condescension, I'd be happy to serve as your brand spanking new slave. It is not even enough, believe it or not, to be brutally murdered by giant fork by an even crazier broad than your brainwashed friend! Wow, who knew, right?

[He makes an exaggerated roll of his eyes.]

Instead of getting off that easy, nevermind the brief stint of amnesia and all the other chaos going on, I get brought here. Some giant fucking turtle in the middle of whatever planet this is, I don't care, don't even try to tell me because I am fresh out of shits to give. And for some kind of war against this M--

[He throws up his hands.]

Whoops! Can't say the M-name because magic is real and he might come get us. Wow, I am quaking so hard I might just barf up my organs in fear.

But let's stop being retarded for a while, shall we?

[His expression turns more serious, and his arms fold against the desk as he leans in closer.]

Who's here that knows me? Anyone? On my team or not, I want to know, and I want to know promptly. Beyond that, who here has any clue about getting out of this place? I didn't ask those keddy whatevers because obviously I wouldn't have been brought here if the point was just to let me waltz back to where I was. And yeah, yeah, I heard time is stopped there, but do you think I'd be asking this if I cared about that? I have big, important, leaderly business to do, and I cannot summon the electrical impulse to fire the neurons that would make me care about this mandatory break in plans. If you have info, I want to hear it, the end.

[And with that, he ends the video.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I hope that word vomit wasn't intended to impress anyone.

[Wow. That is not a hair color he's seen on anyone, ever. Is that natural? But as it stands, it's less important that what she said.]

Do you have a point or are you just bitching emptily into the ether, hoping you can dredge up my feelings from their tight as fuck lockdown to put a gash on them? The attempt failed, by the way. It's hardly my fault if you can't handle someone being a little craftier with words than the average douchebag on the street.

Right, because you get a sense of pride from besting the lowest common denominator of intelligence around here? Congratulations but I wouldn't be bragging about that if I were you, it's the opposite of impressive.

[His expression turns flat.]

Do not even start on my intelligence. I already know where I stand. Am I the smartest guy around? No! I freely fucking admit it! There are people on my team who could run intellectual circles around me if they decided to prove it, and I accept and am comfortable with that fact. But bitch, don't you dare think I'm just some run of the mill, turd-for-a-sponge moron. My wordsmithing is a fucking talent, and if it's not your style, who cares? You're the one wasting time by whining to me about it, instead of doing the adult thing by shutting her flap and minding her own business.

Wordsmithing? So you can string a coherent sentence -- barely -- together. You're really going to claim that's something special?

[His eyes roll skyward - or, well, ceilingward. They go up, is the point.]

Ooh, sick burn. I'm going to spend my whole day crying over the devastation that just wreaked. It's not the part where I make basic sentences; it's the use of metaphor, simile, and general creative vocabulary when I put my mind to it. Which you obviously don't give a shit about, so don't mistake this for me trying to impress someone who isn't going to be moved. Do you have a point to this or is going to be mediocre trolling through the whole conversation?

You're the one making a spectacle of yourself. Don't be surprised when the rest of your visit is marked by people starting their introductions off with, "weren't you that brat who threw a temper tantrum on his first day"?

Listen, bitch: my anger is frequent enough that literally no one is going to give a crap over the so-called "temper tantrum" - [He makes finger quotes.] - I threw on my first day. I will find other things to be mad about, and those will be the source of attention, and people going "Ooh, you sure are mad" is not going to change it.

... are you trying to make a point? Because you really fail at being edgy.

You aren't even listening! I'm not trying to be "edgy"; this is who I am. Grouchy, abrasive douchebag is my calling card. How do you not get this?

Because you're not even doing it with class! No one said you have to shit rainbows but at least put people off with a little ingenuity. What a waste.

And at what point did I put together a big "PLEASE APPROVE OF ME" sign and dance around, begging for spare change, laughter, and the moist sound of two palms smacking sweatily together? Yes, masses, please come fill out these painstakingly crafted feedback cards and submit them to the slot between my glutes, where they will be duly considered for the next time I want to insult you demanding pustules of insight.

I don't even know you. To me, you're just some self-entitled waste of time with eye-searing hair. Why the lurid tapdancing fuck should I care what you think about the supposed "class" my attitude is lacking? I'm not trying to be classy! If I did I'd be so busy looking down my sniff node and miming every highblood mannerism I can that the inevitable loss of my friends to those who aren't pathetic, suck-up posers would fail to escape my notice entirely. Class, let me inform you, is not and has never been synonymous with ingenuity.

[ And oddly... instead of replying, Stocking starts to laugh. It starts as little chortles before developing into full on hilarity. ]

What? What is it? What the hell are you laughing at? Because writhing horrorterrors know it just makes my day when my words tickle the absurdity palate of yet another passing pain in my ass!

[ Unfortunately, that only makes Stocking laugh harder. She looks like she might be trying to gasp something out between mirthful giggles, but it's too mangled to understand. ]

[If it's even possible (and it somehow is), he manages to look even angrier .]

Wow, that sure told me everything! Wisdom and understanding flow forth unabated into my auricular sponge clots, where it is absorbed endlessly into the folds of my think pan, written down into solid fucking knowledge. Surely a giggle-studded wheeze of words is the light at the end of my ignorance tunnel. Thank you, oh gaudy savior! Where would I be without your cackling guidance?

Please tell me you're going to act crazy like this on a regular basis. It's the funniest thing I've seen since I've been here! If I put you on stage I could charge for the tickets.

[He lets out a growl of frustration.]

Fuck you! How I act and when is my own prerogative, and the last thing I'm going to do is let some candy-haired freak sell tickets to the event. I am not your cash moobeast, and I would sooner rip my skull off by the horns than submit myself to the abasement of earning you money by getting laughed at.

Too late, I've already got it recorded. Later, loser!

[ and then she hangs up! ]

001 ♋ VIDEO

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video; eeeeeeee a Stocking!

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video; Stocking's my favorite character from that show

video; OH MAI~

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