tushanshu | 001 ♋ VIDEO

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[The post begins with a shot of Karkat's grey, frowning face. This is not actually unusual, but lest it be dismissed as no more than his usual expression, there is the tone of his words to follow.]

Guess what! Apparently it's not enough for a guy to to learn one of the friends he hasn't seen in literal years is brainwashed and crazy. Apparently it's not enough to be informed that his Empress--not this "Emperor" here, the actual one from my world--expects him to just bow and scrape and go yes, your Condescension, I'd be happy to serve as your brand spanking new slave. It is not even enough, believe it or not, to be brutally murdered by giant fork by an even crazier broad than your brainwashed friend! Wow, who knew, right?

[He makes an exaggerated roll of his eyes.]

Instead of getting off that easy, nevermind the brief stint of amnesia and all the other chaos going on, I get brought here. Some giant fucking turtle in the middle of whatever planet this is, I don't care, don't even try to tell me because I am fresh out of shits to give. And for some kind of war against this M--

[He throws up his hands.]

Whoops! Can't say the M-name because magic is real and he might come get us. Wow, I am quaking so hard I might just barf up my organs in fear.

But let's stop being retarded for a while, shall we?

[His expression turns more serious, and his arms fold against the desk as he leans in closer.]

Who's here that knows me? Anyone? On my team or not, I want to know, and I want to know promptly. Beyond that, who here has any clue about getting out of this place? I didn't ask those keddy whatevers because obviously I wouldn't have been brought here if the point was just to let me waltz back to where I was. And yeah, yeah, I heard time is stopped there, but do you think I'd be asking this if I cared about that? I have big, important, leaderly business to do, and I cannot summon the electrical impulse to fire the neurons that would make me care about this mandatory break in plans. If you have info, I want to hear it, the end.

[And with that, he ends the video.]

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[The moment his sincerity shows, Monet sighs, facepalms, and then politely encrypts the entire conversation. In her world it's not an easy thing to admit, let alone be proud of, and then there's the genocides, "cures", the pogroms, the lot of it.]

There aren't, and likewise. It doesn't seem to matter what species it is, everyone just hates mutants, don't they.

[There's a story there, too, but God, they've all got more than enough shit like that on their plates.]

Now, where were we?

You're telling me. I would have wound up dead for it on my planet if word ever got out.

[But if she wants to get back on topic, he won't stop her. Better than lingering over shit.]

You were being pointedly unhelpful on telling me anything worthwhile about this place.

[Easy to get back to - wait no Karkat why did you say that. There's a long, pointed silence, and when Monet speaks again her voice is full of barely contained fury.]

If anyone tries that here because of the way you were born, they shall answer for it.

[Then, she takes a few moments to collect herself, and her tone drops back to the sarcasm she was using.]

I believe I mentioned unhelpful populace.

[It's getting harder and harder to stay on subject. What possessed her to say that? His eyebrows have risen considerably on his side of things.]

Why? I barely know you. I haven't so much as seen your face--I don't even know your name. This is not the kind of circumstance in which I expect someone to pledge what sounds to be violent comeuppance for my sake.

[A short pause, then:]

Is that your way of saying you personally are willing to help?

[A short pause.]

At home, if a mutant is in trouble and normals can't help, my team steps in. We've no reason to stop doing that simply because we've been kidnapped. There just aren't that many of us for it to be openly applicable, but honestly, if your species is going to kill you on sight, as ours sometimes does with us, it makes more sense to stick together, doesn't it? [A sigh.] I was going to just enjoy your word vomit, but it seems I'll schedule that for another day.

Monet St. Croix, of X-Factor. Charmed, I'm sure.

Karkat Vantas, leader of like half a team of trolls, most of which are the only surviving members of my species anyway. And for the record, charmed isn't a word I apply to myself except in the most insincere of circumstances - barring heretofore unseen instances of literal magical charms, and may I die before I'm forced to endure that.

Also, it's not that dire now. Unless the Empress herself shows up I should be fine. My team didn't give a shit, or at least not enough to kill me for it in the case of the worse members. Not that I'm refusing your sentiment if something comes up to make it relevant again.

The offer stands. Shit happens, as they say.

[She doesn't need (or want) to guess at the rest of it. Genocide. Or an apocalypse. Or both, really. Either way it doesn't merit poking at, it'll just depress them both, and for what? Comparing sob stories.]

Literal magic charms happen to be common around here. For instance, this universal translator. It's either a spell or low level telepathic interference, because I'm speaking French, and I'm quite sure you aren't.

It sure as hell does.

[He's just as content to leave it there. While he doesn't get all choked up about the end of the world, there's been enough deaths that hit closer to home, and those who survived aren't here. Eridan's a special case, and that already went down in flames.]

[Instead, he groans.]

Then consider me charmed after all. What's French?

It's a language, not well represented here.

Picture me rolling my eyes, because it's what I'm doing. The language part was obvious. But I guess it doesn't matter. Some weird earth cultural thing, I don't know, and I don't actually care that much.

What else can you tell me about this place? Anything important? I'd take tips for how to find a job at this point; I have zero clue where to start on that.

[She opens her mouth to go off on him again, excuse you, French is awesome, but ah, what's even the point. She's not feeling shouty anymore.]

That's not difficult; pick a nearby kedan, shout long enough and they'll hire you.

[Sincere, just a little teasing.]

As for the rest: three realms. We're in Life, there's Death and Dreaming, presumably people have gone there by magic and returned. Second, we might be clones, nobody knows, I'm not scheduled for an existential crisis. Third, people can vanish at any moment if their tether to this world snaps, with no warning. Fourth, there's little information on the enemy we're supposed to fight because it adapts extremely quickly, and anything useful perished in the last war. Fifth, objects from home mysteriously appear when the turtle stops at port. Sixth, don't try to psychically contact the turtle. Seventh: there's a barrier reaching up to about the lower stratosphere, impenetrable from the inside.

And eighth: the Emperor can show you your future, for a favour.

I was being serious, Monet, but whatever. At least shouting is something I'm good at.

[He huffs out a sigh.]

To go through the rest in order--

One, I was already told that, in a sense, and I've been somewhere vaguely similar before I came here. Two, I'm already a clone of my own self through weird temporal shenanigans, and have had my share of existential crap for reasons entirely unrelated to that. Three... that's actually good to know, so I'll keep it in mind. Four, fuck my life. Five, also good to know. Six, I'm not even close to psychic. Seven, I can't fly so that information is useless to me. Eight, I would rather go back and live my own future.

[She laughs, silently, her end, and then, back to business.]

If you can swim and withstand the pressure underwater, or build something that can, the barrier extends there too.

Otherwise, we're all set for one of the worst-organised armies I've ever seen, but I suppose I'll concede that the Emperor's desperate.

Nope! Not a sea dweller either, and for all it would solve the mutation problem, I don't particularly want to be one. Even if I could magically build a sea vessel, I have no idea how to pilot one.

[He makes a snort of his own, decidedly not silent.]

No shit on the army thing. I don't consider myself a part of it; the Emperor is on her own. Or with whatever weirdos actually want to support her, and may I avoid their dipshittery if I can. I haven't even been here a full day yet and she's already showing herself to be the worst ruler I've ever learned of.

I understand. I doubt there's much space here for a ship.

[She doesn't want to be just human. She'd hate the very idea.]

I went to speak with her at the audience, she's quite different from what the others say, and I had more intelligent conversation with her in fifteen minutes than a month stranded here with the rest.

[Monet's on the fence about supporting the Emperor. Her family is here and so her priority is get them home and out of this conflict, but she's been doing her fair share of investigating because she's inquisitive.]

[Karkat's raising an eyebrow on his side of things.]

It's not like there's stiff competition wandering around, from what little I've seen. Even then she doesn't sound that great. She obviously doesn't know the first thing about making a good army.

Obviously not. [There's a pause as Monet shrugs.] The kedan don't have much of a choice in being that way, unfortunately, the summoning process did that to them.

They were summoned here too? What did it do to them?

Broke their minds, somehow. Whatever they were in the past, right now, they're much simpler, more docile versions.

[There is a soft pap as Karkat's hand hits his face.]

Please tell me the Emperor didn't do that part on purpose. If she did, she's even dumber than I thought.

She said it wasn't intentional. How much you want to believe her is up to you.

[She'd sounded sincere enough that Monet hadn't wanted to scan her to verify, but that was personal choice.]

I'll judge that one for myself, if I ever have the opportunity to talk to her. All she did when I woke up was look at me like I was something unpleasant scraped from the bottom of her shoe.

There's an audience every month, she sees everyone then.

Really? Everyone? Isn't she aware some of these people she's brought here probably hate whatever constitutes her guts?

Specifically, those who go to the palace to see her, but she's powerful enough to repel an attack. I've heard Evandau, the head of the police, can neutralise any special abilities, and he's fast.

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