tushanshu | 001 ♋ VIDEO

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001 ♋ VIDEO

[The post begins with a shot of Karkat's grey, frowning face. This is not actually unusual, but lest it be dismissed as no more than his usual expression, there is the tone of his words to follow.]

Guess what! Apparently it's not enough for a guy to to learn one of the friends he hasn't seen in literal years is brainwashed and crazy. Apparently it's not enough to be informed that his Empress--not this "Emperor" here, the actual one from my world--expects him to just bow and scrape and go yes, your Condescension, I'd be happy to serve as your brand spanking new slave. It is not even enough, believe it or not, to be brutally murdered by giant fork by an even crazier broad than your brainwashed friend! Wow, who knew, right?

[He makes an exaggerated roll of his eyes.]

Instead of getting off that easy, nevermind the brief stint of amnesia and all the other chaos going on, I get brought here. Some giant fucking turtle in the middle of whatever planet this is, I don't care, don't even try to tell me because I am fresh out of shits to give. And for some kind of war against this M--

[He throws up his hands.]

Whoops! Can't say the M-name because magic is real and he might come get us. Wow, I am quaking so hard I might just barf up my organs in fear.

But let's stop being retarded for a while, shall we?

[His expression turns more serious, and his arms fold against the desk as he leans in closer.]

Who's here that knows me? Anyone? On my team or not, I want to know, and I want to know promptly. Beyond that, who here has any clue about getting out of this place? I didn't ask those keddy whatevers because obviously I wouldn't have been brought here if the point was just to let me waltz back to where I was. And yeah, yeah, I heard time is stopped there, but do you think I'd be asking this if I cared about that? I have big, important, leaderly business to do, and I cannot summon the electrical impulse to fire the neurons that would make me care about this mandatory break in plans. If you have info, I want to hear it, the end.

[And with that, he ends the video.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

yes im still fuckin alivve stupid thats wwhat i said
last i remember i made fast wwork a sol fef and kan leavvin you slackjawwed like some awwestruck dimwwit
but a swweep and a fuckin half holy shit kar
youvve survvivved that long
really
i heard a the dreambubbles but i aint evver been to one or nothin

YES, I SURVIVED THAT LONG.
SO DID... WHO WAS LEFT ALIVE ON THE TEAM.
FUCK ME SIDEWAYS, THIS IS NOT EVEN CLOSE TO HOW I IMAGINED THIS CONVERSATION TO GO.
IT'S ONE THING TALKING TO YOU AGAIN AFTER ONLY SEEING YOU OFF AND ON IN THE DREAM BUBBLES, AND NOT EVEN THE SAME YOU EACH TIME, BUT NOW I SHOW UP AND FIND OUT YOU HAVEN'T EVEN...
WELL I ALREADY SPILLED THE BEANS LIKE SOME BUTTER-PRONGED DOUCHE ON THE FACT THAT YOU DIE
SO
SORRY ABOUT THAT REVELATION.
DO YOU WANT TO HEAR THE REST OR CONTINUE ON IN IGNORANT LIMBO ONLY TO BE CLUBBED OVER THE HEAD WITH TEMPORAL DIFFERENCES TIME AND TIME AGAIN THROUGH PRESUMABLE FUTURE CONVERSATIONS.

Edited 2013-11-29 23:01 (UTC)

[There's a looooong pause before he replies, because he's debating with himself if he wants to just be stubbornly skeptical over his own death... or if he wants to just accept it. This conversation is going far more peaceful than he thought it was going to go already, and Karkat's not mad at him. He's just, really unsure how to feel right now. ]

[Maybe he'll just ask one thing, and depending on that answer depends on if he believes him about that or not.]

howw the fuck do i die

[Karkat allows the pause - not much he can do about it - because it probably is a weighty thing to hear about. He rubs at the bridge of his nose, trying to think how to even lay it all out for him, if he does decide he wants to hear. That first question is hard enough on its own, despite the comparative ease of explanation.]

YOU PROBABLY WON'T BELIEVE ME, BUT KANAYA CHAINSAWED YOU IN HALF.
AFTER YOU KILLED HER THIS WHITE TEXT NOOKSTENCH MESSAGES ME SAYING NOT TO TURN MY BACK ON THE BODIES, THEN...
WELL, OTHER SHIT HAPPENED, I CAN EXPLAIN LATER IF YOU WANT TO HEAR BUT SUFFICE IT TO SAY THERE WAS MORE KILLING GOING ON THAN JUST WHAT YOU DID, SHIT WAS A GODDAMN SLAUGHTERFEST.
BUT THE SHORT VERSION IS I WIND UP OUT OF THE ROOM, AND I LEARN WHAT HAPPENED LATER
WHICH IS BASICALLY THAT KANAYA RESURRECTED AS AN HONEST TO GOD LUMINESCENT RAINBOW DRINKER.
SHE HUNTED YOU DOWN, BROKE YOUR WAND, AND DID WHAT I ALREADY SAID.

kar im bein serious here
you think im gonna believve that wwork a fiction
im insulted

I AM BEING SERIOUS YOU THICK-LOBED IGNORAMUS.
I HAVE SEEN GRADE A MENTAL WARD LEVEL CRAZY SHIT IN THE TIME PASSED SINCE THEN, AND KANAYA'S GLOWING RESUSCITATION BARELY REGISTERS A BLIP ON EVEN LALONDE'S OVERACTIVE PSYCHOANALYZING RADAR.
DO NOT ***EVEN*** TRY TO DOUBT ME ON THIS, ERIDAN
YOU DON'T KNOW THE GODDAMN HALF OF IT.

wwell im doubtin you
i gavve you the fuckin chance to tell me this shit straight and you fucked it up
you may be a fuckin swweep and a half in the future but i by all means can tell wwhen a dirtfucker is fuckin wwith me and you are and i knoww it

[God damnit Eridan. Karkat breathes a rough sigh on his side, and deciding text is useless, swaps back to the video function. His face is a scowl, and his arms gesture animatedly as he speaks.]

Look at me, you stubborn, stone-panned fuckwit. Do I look like I'm kidding around here? Do I look like the Faygo-sticky incarnation of mirth has manifested in me, just waiting to drop a handful of guts and glitter with the inevitable sorry-ass "just kidding" punchline? Because guess what! I am dead, fucking, SERIOUS, and I have dealt with one metric kiloton of jackassery today without you deciding to play the "I don't want to believe Kar so I don't have to" card. Kraft grubsauce is the the stuff of Tavros's most fairy-laden dreams next to the stone cold legitimacy I am dropping on your incredulous cranium, so crack that fucker open and taken a bitter dose of knowledge.

You're dead, and so is half our entire team, and I do not have the patience to go pretty please believe me my most hipsterish friend when I have way more weirdness to unload than Kanaya's penchant for blood drinking.

Edited 2013-11-29 23:35 (UTC)

[With Karkat kicking on the video, Eridan decides to do the same. He's glaring at the screen, clearly unhappy.]

It's utterly fuckin' ridiculous, Kar. And I don't get why I should ewen bother entertainin' the thought. First off, the idea that I'd die at ALL is laughable at BEST, considerin' the power I hold, but to fathom the thought that Kan came back from the dead as some sorta bloodsuckin' glowin' ghoul is just too fuckin' much. Sayin' Gam was the one who killed me is more beliewable than that, and that guy is pan-stunted to all hell. Fuck, pretty sure the only thing he could kill is his own fuckin' braincells.

What I'm sayin' is you're full a fuckin' shit and I don't got one fuckin' reason as to why I should beliewe you.

How about the fact that I'm three years older than you, asshole?! Look at me!

[He leans in toward the camera, hands coming up to point at his face and eyes.]

That's a sweep and a half of our time. Do you have any sense how long that is? I have been in and out of dream bubbles meeting more dead alternate versions of everyone than I can care to count, watching my friends tie themselves in knots over their own interpersonal drama, and that's without what today alone has had in store for me. Jade is brainwashed and crazy and has dog ears! The Empress took over a brand new earth and is now fucking us over anew from their session! And Gamzee hasn't been innocent since the day you decided to murder my friends!

Did you fucking know that? Of course you didn't, but why should you believe the guy who was actually there? Like, who gives a shit that I had to deal with the aftermath of him going sober and murdering Equius and Nepeta, and hoarding corpses and kissing their severed heads? Or the whole awful moirallegiance I undertook to calm his ass down, only for him to become a self-righteous zealot who didn't give a rank fart about anyone? Did you know we spent that whole time hurtling through space with Rose and Dave along for the ride, too? No, you didn't, and you're just going to tell me I'm making it up, too!

Who else is here? I want to talk to someone with some actual living cells in their think pan, because for all you haven't died yet your sponge is acting the part!

Piss off you bulgebiter! I ain't got a dead sponge, this is just a lot to take in, if it's ewen true, you ass.

[He's seriously huffing, crossing his arms over his chest and just glaring at the screen. He's thinking right now, trying to decide if he can allow himself to just accept that. Accept all of that. It sounds so weird, so wrong, so goddamn fake. But... Karkat's never been one to fuck around like that, never been one to mislead him. After his long stubborn pause, he finally lets out a long suffering sigh.]

You an' Gam though? Really? I thought you had more sense than that.

[At least he isn't arguing against Karkat anymore? Not that he's admitting that he's maybe probably accepting the truth to his words, but it's a start.]

[Karkat flashes a middle finger, frustrated and irritable and not all that ready to take it easy - not after that lingering stubbornness. But with that pause, he gets a break too, allowing him to breathe and gather his thoughts.]

[Thoughts which slip out of mind at that reply.]

... Yeah, well.

[He sinks back in his chair, and his gaze slips down.]

It was kind of a spur of the moment thing, because he was there with this ugly fucking hammer, I was dealing with all these deaths and stress and everything and... I don't know, it felt right at the moment. But then he...

[Another sigh slips out of him, softer.]

It didn't work out, and his bloodpusher wasn't in it I guess, because he wound up dumping me. It was stupid. I was stupid. The whole thing was.

[Eridan watches him for a few good moments, watching his mannerism, how he slumps against his chair. The way his gaze slips away, and he sighs as he admits shit. It makes Eridan frown even more, though he doesn't look mad anymore. He really doesn't know what he's feeling right now.]

That shit happens, Kar. Sometimes shit doesn't work out the way you want it to, no matter how hard you try.

[Is he trying to be comforting? He doesn't know. He just knows how much it sucks to be fucking dumped.]

Doesn't mean you're fuckin' stupid for it none.

[Karkat shrugs.]

You weren't there. But whatever, it's done, and it's been over for a while.

[As he pushes the subject from mind, he looks back up.]

Is there anyone else here, though? From the team, I mean, or the human session.

[Eridan lets it go all the same. He hardly feels up for discussing that shit anyways, and he still feels weird about Karkat, better considering what he was expecting, but still weird.]

I said earlier I was the only one here, Kar.

[But he's done the impossible and made some friends!!]

Ugh.

[He pinches at his nose a bit.]

Okay, I must have missed that between everything else, and all the chaos of explaining shit to you and you not believing. And now I don't have any backup, either. Perfect.

Since me telling you what's happened is obviously a bust until you take the stick out of your chute, why don't you tell me about this place instead. Shit I need to know, beyond what the ked-things said.

There ain't a whole lot to explain beyond what they'we giwen, honestly. It's just a fuckin' metropolis on the back of a turtle. The clothes here are a bit questionable, but the food ain't bad. This place is also literally crawlin' with humans, but seein' as you supposedly liwed with two, you should feel right at hiwe with them. [An eye roll.]

There's really nothin' too fuckin' special about this place. Oh, the Emperor is a complete ass, and don't waste your time talkin' to her, it'll get you no where.

[Perhaps that's true if you approach her like Eridan did. We all know how Eridan is great at first impressions!]

Sharing a meteor with two humans doesn't equal living in a city with them, dumbass.

[He rolls his eyes.]

But speaking of clothes, do you know where I can get a coat or something? It's fucking cold out, and of course they made me walk the whole way from the scuttlebuggy to my new hive.

[A glance over his shoulder at the room he's in. It's actually pretty nice, and if Eridan can see enough past him, he might recognize the decor as fire-styled.]

And that's if I can afford it before I find a job, and hell if I know what to do for that here. How've you been doing with it?

More exposure to them than I got before bein' brought here.

Yeah, I know of a few places to get proper winter attire. Though, fire stones do fuckin' wonders. [Thank you, Spock!]

[However, he does notice that Karkat's got the same decor as him, even if right now he's not exactly at his place.]

I see you're in the same sector as me--well, where I normally reside. I'we been fine, though. Right now I'm stayin' at Spock's place [thats right, Karkat, he's got new friends] an' I can't say I'we gotten myself employed, yet. Ewerythin' seems like such peasant's work, I can't honestly expect to take up anythin' a the sort.

[Eye. Roll.]

Try explaining what a fire stone is, Eridan. And why are you boasting about this Spock guy when I don't know who that is? I don't care!

And what do you expect to do, then? You're going to run out of money sooner or later, unless Spock is that content on enabling your lazy ass.

It's a stone that emits heat, it's pretty fuckin' useful. And I ain't boastin', I'm just explainin' more so why I ain't currently at my place is all. [Not that... Karkat asked???]

I'll find somethin' ewentually, and I ain't fuckin' lazy. I work my fuckin' spinal crewice off when I got a good enough cause for it, and you bloody know it!

[Karkat opens his mouth to argue back, but then Eridan did work pretty well at keeping Gl'bgolyb fed. He closes his mouth, sorts his thoughts, and starts again.]

Okay, I don't know where your place is so I had no clue you weren't there. Good for you, I guess, but I still don't care.

What about food? You said local stuff's not bad, but have you got any actual recommendations or am I going to have to guess at random?

[YEAH THAT'S RIGHT, KARKAT.]

Yeah, whatewer.

Sushi's good. I'we been eatin' that mostly. But I'm a bit more refined in my tastes. [Which is a round about way of saying 'I don't know what peasants eat'.]

[He gives him a flat look.]

Cram that noise back down your shout sphincter then plug it up with your ugly scarf. I am not going to take any highblood douchebaggery from you, not one ounce, you understand? My blood doesn't mean a single thing anymore, least of all when you're the only other troll around, and when I'm willing to take you on as a friend again despite the shit you pulled. Do you really want to test me, asshat? Because I will kick your stripe-pantsed glutes to the curb if you try to pull the smug, superior act on me.

Edited 2013-11-30 01:26 (UTC)

Oh calm the fuck down, Kar. It will always mean somethin', no matter how much you deny it. Your denial means absolutely fuckin' nothin'.

Also, you can keep your friendship, I don't need it.

[Of course he's just being stubborn for no real reason. He honestly has nothing to make him decline Karkat's friendship beyond his own stupid stubbornness. He's not even outright sure why he's doing it, maybe to make some point? But what sort of point even is it? Perhaps that he's trying to just move on from his old crappy friends, even if Karkat was the diamond in the rough, so to speak.]

Also, you know what I'm bloody capable of, I'd suggest you keep your empty threats to a minimal.

Edited 2013-11-30 01:29 (UTC)

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