VIDEO

[unobtainableredemption]

[Kaine had been trying to wait until Peter or someone got the consoles fixed, but that didn’t seem like it was coming any time soon, and he didn’t want to wait any longer. Taking a page from some of the others, he holds up a piece of paper with the same message written in four languages: English, French, Spanish, and Japanese. His handwriting is sloppy, but he was trying his best to make it legible in every language. The only thing betraying his true feelings on the news he’s delivering is the way he tightly clutches the paper. ]

May Parker and Miles Morales have gone home.

[He holds it up for about a minute, before holding up a new page.]

Anyone with business with either one of them can take it up with me.

[He pauses for another minute, then holds up a third piece of paper.]

What’s a more secure way to talk to people?

[Another minute, then a fourth piece of paper.]

Want to talk about the shit going on. Not stupid enough to do it here.

[He holds up one final piece of paper.]

Open to suggestions.

[He puts the last piece of paper down and turns the feed off.]

Comments

[nerdylilspidey]

[He takes the picture as it's handed to him, looking at each face in turn.]

They look like good people.

[He means it. He does. But he's suddenly reminded that he doesn't even have a photograph of the people he's left behind. It makes sense, all things considered. But it's a painful realization.]

[unobtainableredemption]

They are.

[He thought this was what he should be doing, but the look on Peter's face means he screwed something up. Again.

Why did he bother to try at all? He was always going to screw up and just make thing worse. Like now.]

And they'd like you a lot. [Because that's it. That's what's bothering him. Right? Right??]

[nerdylilspidey]

[Peter stares at the picture for another moment before glancing back over at Kaine with a little smile. He knows Kaine's doing his best to cheer him up. It's not his fault that Peter misses his friends and his Aunt May.. and MJ.]

I'm sure I'd like them, too.

So- at this Four Seasons hotel. We'd get like, royal treatment?

[unobtainableredemption]

I live in the presidential suite and have two duffel bags filled with cash under my bed. What do you think?

[nerdylilspidey]

I think they think you're a celebrity.

How do you not run out of money? [This is a life Peter can't even imagine.]

[unobtainableredemption]

They certainly think I'm something. [He might not be the most ideal guest, but he certainly is one who throws the most money around.]

I took a couple million off human traffickers after sending them to the hospital. [Don't you dare give him some sort of speech. Taking their money and letting them continue to breathe was a gift after what he saw in that container.]

[nerdylilspidey]

[Oh. Wow, that's a lot of -- WAIT A MINUTE.]

A- A couple million? From human traffickers??

[Peter's eyes are wide in shock and confusion. Is he serious? He's serious. Kaine does not generally tell jokes. Oh God, did the human traffickers steal this money? On top of being human traffickers?? Who is more in the wrong here? Why is everything in the gray area?!?!]

[unobtainableredemption]

Aracely wasn't the only one in that container. Just the only one still alive.

[Looks down at the picture, at Aracely's smiling face that's trying so hard to give him bunny ears.] Thought I broke up a drug deal.

[nerdylilspidey]

[And any doubts he had about what was the right thing to do has gone flying out the window.]

Wow... She must, like, love you for that.

[unobtainableredemption]

I'm certainly stuck with her, that's for sure. [Though he doesn't seem too saddened by this fact.]

She likes to call me "her champion" [That one, on the other hand? Not really a fan.]

[nerdylilspidey]

[Kaine, you've just made a tactical error.]

"Champion." I like that. Kind of sounds cooler than "superhero." Or, y'know, "masked menace."

[unobtainableredemption]

Then you'd love Houston. I push a guy in front of a bus, they want to give me a medal for it. [And the subject changed like a boss.]

[nerdylilspidey]

[Dammit, Kaine. Stop getting used to Peter's jabs at you.]

So what happens if someone saves someone from getting hit by a bus?

[unobtainableredemption]

If they're just too stupid to notice the bus, they'll throw you a parade. You save a bank robber, they might come after you with baseball bats.

[Houston. His kind of city.]

[nerdylilspidey]

I'm starting to see why you like it there so much.

[unobtainableredemption]

When you show up and they get a real hero, they'll probably throw you a damn parade.

[nerdylilspidey]

I was actually planning on being your sidekick or something.

[unobtainableredemption]

[He looks over at Peter, unsure if he's joking or not.] For the last time, I'm not a superhero.

awww, i actually enjoyed the original comment >3

[nerdylilspidey]

Oh, okay. You can always be a masked menace.

I did too. It just... didn't work for Kaine </3

[unobtainableredemption]

That's not what I meant. [Kaine Parker: fun killer.]

sob </3

[nerdylilspidey]

Vigilante, then.

I'll try to work it back in.

[unobtainableredemption]

I'm just an idiot that keeps putting on a costume and I don't know why.

8DDDD

[nerdylilspidey]

I think that's like, the unofficial definition of superhero.

<3333

[unobtainableredemption]

Tell me that again when Roxxon makes another oil energy monster. I'll throw you at him and everyone will be happy.

[nerdylilspidey]

Deal, but only if that gives me some power upgrades.