tushanshu | video;

[After getting the lowdown from a rather nice lady, a very annoyed-looking young woman is staring balefully at the camera.]

Are you serious.

Are you serious.

Because people keep explaining this Life-Death-Dreaming thing to me and it sounds like bullshit. There are two planes I can be on and I’m apparently not on either of them and that is so much bullshit I have apparently been dropped into the former pasture of a hekatomb of oxen because what the hell.

Look. Look at this. [She holds up her journal with a helpful diagram of a stick figure, a vertical line, and another stick figure, and a double-sided arrow.] My soul can be Waking, or it can be Otherside, or it can occasionally be both at the same time because my life is a dumpster fire. Not this, okay? [She puts the journal down, raises her hand, and taps the labradorite ring she’s wearing.] My soul is not in a rock. Even if it’s a really pretty rock, and I know from pretty rocks.

[Frustratedly:] Like, oh my gods. Every single god I have ever met. All of them. Up to and including Inari-Ōkami. For the love of baby Jesus in his mangery crib. Put me back. I want to speak to the manager. Yeah. The spell manager.

Fix this, Obama.

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Safe from me, anyway. Not a whole lot of people can say that.

I shall consider myself honored, although it would help to know by whom. Care to give me a name?

[And there's the million-dollar question.]

I am an enchanter. Some call me...Tim.

[Is he gonna get it???]

[Of course he gets it. He's British.]

Greetings, Tim the Enchanter. I don't suppose you can tell me where I might find a grail?

[Magnificent. FRIENDSHIP BEAM ENGAGED. YOU'RE GETTING CAREBEARSTARED NOW, DEVIN. YOU'RE GONNA BE HER FRIEND WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT.]

You have to get past the Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog, with its nasty, big, pointy teeth and a vicious streak a mile wide.

[She's a theatre kid. It was going to come out eventually.]

[He's just always going to call her Tim now, even when he learns her real name.]

Sounds like a cousin of mine. We at least share the teeth and the viciousness in common, although it pains me to admit I lack the fur and the adorable disguise.

[Very good.]

That much can be taught, at least. You said something about a shiny sequined jacket?

I did. That bit of attire did not arrive with me, however.

A tragedy; we shall all mourn its loss.

I think it's better left well and truly buried in my closet. What would it have to do with learning a rabbit disguise, anyway?

Well, it'd take care of the adorable part, anyway. Nothing more harmless-looking than a sparkly vampire.

Perhaps that's the point. No one expects anything violent from someone who looks like they spent too much time in the craft closet. I'm not sure I can quite manage 'adorable', however. It's the cheekbones.

What kind of cheekbones are we talking here? Like so sharp they could cut a man, or??

Not quite, but getting there. Prominent enough to be distracting.

Very good. Weaponized facial features are always a plus.

The fangs can certainly leave an impression.

[Is it a pun? It's definitely a pun.]

Haaaaa!

Good one.

I think I like you, Devin.

Put a pin in that. You don't know me well enough to make a well-informed assessment.

Try me. I have good instincts.

I think what you call instinct, in this case, is a stubborn insistence to not be wrong.

Yeah, well, I've got that, too.

Best you know which is which, then.

They're not mutually exclusive.

Not always, but it's worth examining where your motivation is coming from.

You know what's also worth examining the motivation for? Excessive negativity.

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