Joint Post: We're not sorry

[backinakidflash]

[ITP: Both boys are in civvies. Bart's words and actions are in red, and Kon's are in black for the sake of clarity. Also, assuming Bart picked up a pregnant tribble that gave birth when he returned home last night, he has nearly 1500 tribbles in his apartment.]

[The video shows nothing but multicolored fur. The pile of tribbles is going down fast, and, eventually, Bart Allen is on screen. He is vibrating the tribbles into a sealed box with a few teeny airholes in it. There are more tribbles scattered around the room behind him.]

Ok. These tribbles don't play around. The first one did the whole miracle of life performance last night. There was a baby boom by the time I woke up this morning, and we just made it through like the Big Bang of Birth.

[During the time that Bart is zooming around, putting away tribbles, there's a mutter over the sound coming from the tribbles. Kon comes into view, shuffling in the background and holding a few of the little critters. He's singing and only getting louder.]

Like a true natures child, we were born, born to be wild! We can climb so high I never wanna die! Born to be wiiiiild! Boooorn to be wiiiild

[He's practically yelling the last parts and drawing out the last 'wild' as he drops the tribbles he was holding and breaks open the box Bart had just but them in.]

We've got a major infestation going at ME-3B. There's no way they're gonna -

[Bart has been attempting to talk over the singing in a normal tone, but, by the time Kon hits the word 'die', Bart has given up and quietly waited it out. A silent Bart is never a good sign.

Go! Be free! Be wild my fuzzy little brethren! Escape the box of oppression and go! [He's standing with his arms thrown up in the air and a very large grin on his face.]

[When he hears the shrrrrip of the box ripping, Bart whips around seat and watches the tribbles fall to the ground in slow motion.]

Oh, that tears it.

[Bart's gone upstairs in a blur, and no time later tribbles come flying down the stairs. Dozens of the flea rags join the ones already visible in the room with every passing frame. After a second, the closet door whips open so hard the knob dents the wall. The heaps of tribbles deplete faster than they appeared, the door slams shut, and Bart is leaning against it, one hand gripping either side of the door frame.]

[Kon was still downstairs and suddenly he's knocked to the ground by the sudden avalanche of tribbles, letting out an undignified yelp as he does so. He's sat on the floor and rubbing his head as he tilts his head back to look at Bart with an even bigger grin.]

KON. If you free the tribbles again, I'll swap your hair gel for crazy glue!

Dude, that's just totally uncalled for! You're locking them up, they didn't do anything. False imprisonment! Animal cruelty!

[As he's talking though he's also holding up three fingers as if he's doing some kind of salute. It was meant to be a promise but he can't be bothered to add that part vocally. And let's be honest, he's not going to be keeping it.]

It's not animal cruelty! It's speedster protection! Theyateallmyfood!

[Though he does get to his feet and plops himself on the chair Bart had been sitting in before and points to the camera and then to Bart.]

He's a fuzzball hater. And he's cruel.

I am not!

[Kon spins once on the seat and stops to face Bart.]

So lame dude.

[Bart makes his way back over, stooping a few times to pick up strays that he missed. He shoves them at Kon and leans past him to get back to the matter at hand, ignoring what Kon is saying simultaneously. FOR NOW.]

You should get more food for the tribbles.

If anyone has any ideas that don't involve the words 'flea circus for giants', I'm all ears. Clock's ticking. I don't want to know what happens to the closet tomorrow morning.

[Kon moves the chair back as he looks at the tribbles now in his lap and spins. Muttering something about 'expecting you Mister Allen'. As Bart is talking he looks up quickly with a huffy expression, eyes narrowing.]

Uuuuh best idea ever! Don't even deny it!

If I get more, they're gonna EAT MORE, Dr. No. And we are not making a flea circus!

[Kon looks to the screen.] Best idea ever, right?

We should totally check to see what's happening in the closet right now! Maybe they've already multiplied. Let's see!

[The closet doors rattle a little.]

[Bart's does a slow turn towards the ominously shaking door. Impossible.]

The old guy said every twelve hours. They just finished spawning. I think they finished. Not gonna lie, I stopped counting at 500. I've. Gotta do something about this. Wrap it up asking for help over there. Get Tim's attention. And. I don't even know who else. Kyle's good for weird shit, right?

[Bart's gone that fast.]

They are way better than Krypto. [And he means Krypto as in the small dog he had back in Hawaii that basically hated him. It was mutual though. So tribbles? Waaaaay better.

So Kon is left alone and he huffs, rolling his eyes and looks to the screen.]

Heeeeey! [He waves his hands which will blur for people watching.] I guess someone has to come over here before Bart bursts a blood vessel or something. Eff Why eye, not my fault.

[Bart blurs to a stop in front of the closet in time to hear that someone is gonna burst a blood vessel. He's carrying large flakes of shed shell that feel surprisingly sturdy. Bart nails them in place over the door, blurring like a cartoon cat that doesn't realize that Pepe LePeu is already behind them.]

This is S.S Awesome Teens, Maydaymayday.

[When Bart's done, he puts his back against the door and slides down it, his legs slightly bent at the knees and spread into a V. He shakes his head at Kon's back before his eyes focus on the cameea. He spins his index finger around beside his temple in what he's hoping is the truly universal sign for crazy and mouths 'help me.']

[Both boys will be using Bart's console to respond.]

Comments

video;

[backinakidflash]

[Just. Horrified staring.]










[And finally.]

How did you bring yourself so low? I can't even always keep myself from petting them!

video;

[cravats]

There's no need to get so upset about the matter. They're obviously intended for eating.

[And he's not human, so... the purring is vaguely irritating.]

video;

[backinakidflash]

I think they're meant to be pets. They make you happy when you hold them.

video;

[cravats]

Really? They're giving me a bit of a headache.

video;

[tactile_telekinesis]

[Kon has...thankfully missed the whole part about eating them.]

Irritating? Pfft, yeah okay.

video;

[cravats]

They're a little high-pitched for me.

video;

[tactile_telekinesis]

Dude I've got super hearing and it's fine.

video;

[depicted]

[No hold on he has no objections to Lyall eating them, but] Is there a lot of meat on them? I would have guessed fur; it reminds me of the shipments from Canada when I was young. How is the meat?

video;

[cravats]

Middling, I would say. Probably not worth the effort to cook, but they make a reasonable mouthful.

video;

[depicted]

Shame. [a sigh] Well, as the rationing continues, any port in a storm. It would ease the burden as they try to get Keeliai's livestock populations back up.

video;

[cravats]

That's true enough. I certainly wouldn't lower myself to eating them if I had any other reliable source of meat.

[Seriously, eating tribbles does not count as hunting. It's kind of degrading.]

video;

[depicted]

If you'd like, I could . . . try making it into something passable. I don't know if you prefer them as they are. [Werewolf dietary preferences: he has managed not to learn them. But who doesn't like deliciously cooked food, come on?]

Re: video;

[backinakidflash]

WHAT. Tell me we're not considering this. They're rodents! Or something.

video;

[mopirates_moproblems]

Look, you seem to be struggling with the concept, but there is a finite amount of food on the turtle. Much less than there was when we arrived here. We have to do something to curb the population; this is the most sensible solution I've heard thus far.

video;

[cravats]

And a supply of fresh meat does not go amiss in my case. I have been struggling with that.

[A primarily meat-based diet does not go well with rationing. Fishing helped, but...]

Re: video;

[mopirates_moproblems]

I do hope your head is feeling better.

[He saw about the headache.]

video;

[cravats]

Oh, it's manageable. I have all the ones currently in my rooms stuffed into the icebox.

Re: video;

[mopirates_moproblems]

That does seem to be the only plausible solution, and even that is temporary at best. As we've seen.

[depicted]

[He holds up his hands.] I know, I know. They're sweet and adorable and frankly, waking up in a pile of them is one of the most comfortable awakenings I've had in weeks. I don't have any desire to be cruel to them. [He sounds genuine because he is. Dorian Gray may have murdered more than a few people, but he thinks hunting is a cruel sport and is entirely averse to it.]

But at the rate they've been multiplying, we can't freeze them all—and even if we did, eternal imprisonment on ice is not a mercy. If we have to kill them, and we will have to kill some, it would be a waste during a time of need to not do anything with them.

[backinakidflash]

[Groaning] You woke up in a pile of them?

[Please don't give Kon ideas.]

I know. You're right, and I know it. But. I don't have to like it, right? I don't like the icing idea either. I can look the other way. I have to.

[depicted]

[Dorian grins.] Not to put too fine a point on it, but it was great.. [He won't be held responsible if Kon decides to sleep surrounded by Tribbles.]

[Dorian does have sympathy for the kid, though, and he sighs.] Neither you nor I have to like it. Maybe ask people not to talk about it around you, yeah? We've got a pretty diverse group here. Someone might be able to come up with a more humane solution if we can keep it contained.

[backinakidflash]

[Bart is petting a tribble again.] Yeah, I bet it was.

They can talk about it. I'm gonna not focus on listening to the conversation real hard. It'll be fine. But I'm still volunteering for whatever the more humane solution is.

[mopirates_moproblems]

Well. It's a relief to see not everyone is incapable of taking a sensible stance toward them.

[All told, James rather likes the little beasts as well. They're quite soothing. But he's used to living on limited food stores, and the tribbles are simply too great a risk to take. They're like rodents aboard a ship.

Also, Dorian, he remembers you and he remembers what you did with his clothing. Do not think he has forgiven you.]

[depicted]

[You mean 'thank you,' James. Of course you do.]

[He half-shrugs.]

Our situation is too precarious already not to be pragmatic about all this.

[mopirates_moproblems]

[You dressed him like a dandy!]

Indeed, no matter what charming qualities the creatures possess.