tushanshu | Joint Post: We're not sorry

[ITP: Both boys are in civvies. Bart's words and actions are in red, and Kon's are in black for the sake of clarity. Also, assuming Bart picked up a pregnant tribble that gave birth when he returned home last night, he has nearly 1500 tribbles in his apartment.]

[The video shows nothing but multicolored fur. The pile of tribbles is going down fast, and, eventually, Bart Allen is on screen. He is vibrating the tribbles into a sealed box with a few teeny airholes in it. There are more tribbles scattered around the room behind him.]

Ok. These tribbles don't play around. The first one did the whole miracle of life performance last night. There was a baby boom by the time I woke up this morning, and we just made it through like the Big Bang of Birth.

[During the time that Bart is zooming around, putting away tribbles, there's a mutter over the sound coming from the tribbles. Kon comes into view, shuffling in the background and holding a few of the little critters. He's singing and only getting louder.]

Like a true natures child, we were born, born to be wild! We can climb so high I never wanna die! Born to be wiiiiild! Boooorn to be wiiiild

[He's practically yelling the last parts and drawing out the last 'wild' as he drops the tribbles he was holding and breaks open the box Bart had just but them in.]

We've got a major infestation going at ME-3B. There's no way they're gonna -

[Bart has been attempting to talk over the singing in a normal tone, but, by the time Kon hits the word 'die', Bart has given up and quietly waited it out. A silent Bart is never a good sign.

Go! Be free! Be wild my fuzzy little brethren! Escape the box of oppression and go! [He's standing with his arms thrown up in the air and a very large grin on his face.]

[When he hears the shrrrrip of the box ripping, Bart whips around seat and watches the tribbles fall to the ground in slow motion.]

Oh, that tears it.

[Bart's gone upstairs in a blur, and no time later tribbles come flying down the stairs. Dozens of the flea rags join the ones already visible in the room with every passing frame. After a second, the closet door whips open so hard the knob dents the wall. The heaps of tribbles deplete faster than they appeared, the door slams shut, and Bart is leaning against it, one hand gripping either side of the door frame.]

[Kon was still downstairs and suddenly he's knocked to the ground by the sudden avalanche of tribbles, letting out an undignified yelp as he does so. He's sat on the floor and rubbing his head as he tilts his head back to look at Bart with an even bigger grin.]

KON. If you free the tribbles again, I'll swap your hair gel for crazy glue!

Dude, that's just totally uncalled for! You're locking them up, they didn't do anything. False imprisonment! Animal cruelty!

[As he's talking though he's also holding up three fingers as if he's doing some kind of salute. It was meant to be a promise but he can't be bothered to add that part vocally. And let's be honest, he's not going to be keeping it.]

It's not animal cruelty! It's speedster protection! Theyateallmyfood!

[Though he does get to his feet and plops himself on the chair Bart had been sitting in before and points to the camera and then to Bart.]

He's a fuzzball hater. And he's cruel.

I am not!

[Kon spins once on the seat and stops to face Bart.]

So lame dude.

[Bart makes his way back over, stooping a few times to pick up strays that he missed. He shoves them at Kon and leans past him to get back to the matter at hand, ignoring what Kon is saying simultaneously. FOR NOW.]

You should get more food for the tribbles.

If anyone has any ideas that don't involve the words 'flea circus for giants', I'm all ears. Clock's ticking. I don't want to know what happens to the closet tomorrow morning.

[Kon moves the chair back as he looks at the tribbles now in his lap and spins. Muttering something about 'expecting you Mister Allen'. As Bart is talking he looks up quickly with a huffy expression, eyes narrowing.]

Uuuuh best idea ever! Don't even deny it!

If I get more, they're gonna EAT MORE, Dr. No. And we are not making a flea circus!

[Kon looks to the screen.] Best idea ever, right?

We should totally check to see what's happening in the closet right now! Maybe they've already multiplied. Let's see!

[The closet doors rattle a little.]

[Bart's does a slow turn towards the ominously shaking door. Impossible.]

The old guy said every twelve hours. They just finished spawning. I think they finished. Not gonna lie, I stopped counting at 500. I've. Gotta do something about this. Wrap it up asking for help over there. Get Tim's attention. And. I don't even know who else. Kyle's good for weird shit, right?

[Bart's gone that fast.]

They are way better than Krypto. [And he means Krypto as in the small dog he had back in Hawaii that basically hated him. It was mutual though. So tribbles? Waaaaay better.

So Kon is left alone and he huffs, rolling his eyes and looks to the screen.]

Heeeeey! [He waves his hands which will blur for people watching.] I guess someone has to come over here before Bart bursts a blood vessel or something. Eff Why eye, not my fault.

[Bart blurs to a stop in front of the closet in time to hear that someone is gonna burst a blood vessel. He's carrying large flakes of shed shell that feel surprisingly sturdy. Bart nails them in place over the door, blurring like a cartoon cat that doesn't realize that Pepe LePeu is already behind them.]

This is S.S Awesome Teens, Maydaymayday.

[When Bart's done, he puts his back against the door and slides down it, his legs slightly bent at the knees and spread into a V. He shakes his head at Kon's back before his eyes focus on the cameea. He spins his index finger around beside his temple in what he's hoping is the truly universal sign for crazy and mouths 'help me.']

[Both boys will be using Bart's console to respond.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Jaime, do you need a moment with these tribbles?]

We can have a party later. [You know, when everything's frozen.] Time to work? Unless anyone has objections.

I have objections. But I don't really have a plan B so... gimme a sec.

[Bart zips around gathering stray tribbles and comes to a stop in front of the closet, standing on tiptoe to vibrate them into the veeeery top of it.

The only ones left free in the room are in the possession of Blue Beetle and Superboy. Bart looks slowly between them.]

Guys?

[He gives the tribble in his hand one last apologetic look before setting it down with the rest of its brothers.]

Sorry, chulito. It's for your own good.

[Kon looks around at everyone and then shakes his head as he makes a beeline for the closet. Holding a tribble close to him and throwing his other arm out, acting like a barricade.]

No way, you gotta go through me if you wanna get to them!

[Dammit. Doesn't Kon see that it's three against one here? He's done/will do it someday, though, also when acting crazy (not the same, he thinks. This is just a goofy teenager going all save-the-trees on them.)

Bart holds his hands up, palms out.]

You maybe wanna revise that one? I can go through you, and she teleported in here or something. So everybody be cool. We just want to temporarily chill the tribbles. They might even like it.

[Blink. Kon, please.] You do know I could just zap the closet itself, right? [Hence her earlier question of do you really like that closet.] I won't even need you to get out of the way.

[Actually, she already got her 2/3 approval rating, so she might just go ahead with that spell now.]

Cold, late night, so long ago--

[Jaime backs off-- when Traci casts, she doesn't joke-- and turns to Kon.]

Just think of it as a mini snow vacation for them if you still feel bad? We're going to figure this out, promise.

[He holds his ground and reaches out a little with his TTK, letting it touch against them. He could do the trick he learned from that older version of him during that whole wacky adventure and hold them in place. He could press the field onto them, to clench their jaws shut and then he stops. He doesn't do that, he pulls it back from them and huffs out a heavy breath.]

Guys, this is so lame. Like super lame. Like, lamer than Wondie wearing that wig kinda lame.]

You know I can use my tactile telekinesis to hold you all in place, right? But cause I'm such a cool guy [He chews his lip and looks at the tribble.] you better take this guy before I change my mind about letting you do it.

[He looks between them all

[Bart's shoulders roll back at the touch; he's suddenly standing very straight. But for the twitchiness of his hands and the smile on his face, Bart'd look like he was spoiling for a fight.]

He's certainly wondering if there'd be negative side effects to trying to vibrate out of ttk. Or if he'd even have room to try.]

Cool. And hilarious. You forgot absolutely hilarious.

[Somehow not feeling the funny here. Bart snags the tribble off him before he can have time to reconsider. Don't taze him, bro.]

I appreciate your coolness. [She answers, glad that the brush of TTK didn't actually try to stop her. She wouldn't admit it, but she didn't think that far ahead, but she likes to pretend she did anyway so it doesn't make her nervous.

Once Bart's done though, Traci goes back to the incantation. Goodbye tribbles, have a nice long nap.]