tushanshu | ✦ 008 ✦ [VIDEO]

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✦ 008 ✦ [VIDEO]

[It takes several on-camera seconds before Zatanna can finally figure out the right words for this; her mouth opens and closes twice before she gives up and just comes out with it:]

...is anybody else slightly concerned about the fact that some of the local bakeries've started selling cookies in the shapes of these thi--?

[And the Network is suddenly treated to a GIANT UPSIDE-DOWN TRIBBLE FACE taking up the entire camera. Because it wanted to say hello, of course.]

[Zatanna can barely get out the shriek of surprise in the background before her unexpected visitor suddenly tumbles downward, taking the feed with it. The screen goes dark, leaving one last audio cry before it cuts out completely:]

Get back here, you cheap horror film knockoff!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[This was new.]

...you and Batgirl are a thing?

[Whoops.]

Uh--no, not anymore. It was a long time ago.

Then it doesn't matter if I ask her out next time I'm in Gotham.

[Whoops is right. She's seeing you in a slightly different light now, Tim.]

Just be sure to do it before Tim tells on you, Bart.

You...uh...also might want to start running now.

[Just in case Tim tries to kill him for that remark.]

[Eyebrows up.]

I think the more important question is would she mind? Which I really don't know. She's pretty busy these days. [With college and crimefighting and... stuff.]

But Zatanna's right. I'm definitely telling on you.

Oh, c'mon. She should be flattered. I think she's cute - so what? It's not a crime. Neither is asking someone out for coffee. I've been shot down before. I can handle that.

[Bart folds his arms across his chest.]

I can't decide if you're trying to be a wingman or to cockblock me here. There. Whatever.

...how about a wingblock?

[She is the most helpful and best at word play.]

Hmm.

[He makes a show of considering Bart's question thoughtfully before finally speaking again.]

Yes.

[Both wingman and cockblock. Zatanna's made-up word seems accurate enough.]

You're really a terrible person. Both of you.

[A beat] Okay. All three of us. I shouldn't have said Zatanna was too cute for you. But you gotta admit - back home? Completely out of your league.

[Ouch, Bart. Right to the heart.]

To be fair, from what I've heard, the Zatanna from your world has got to be at least twice as old as I am. Meaning she'd be far more likely to go after Batman than a Robin... [Then she realizes what she just said, and makes a face]...which is a mental image I also did not need. Ever.

Literally and figuratively. [He tells Bart cheerfully. He snickers at Zatanna's mental image--which is not nearly as weird for him as it is for her.]

I didn't even have to say it--though to be fair, I was probably going to.

[Bart starts talking immediately after Zatanna points out that her counterpart is twice as old, so his first comment on the whole thing gets drowned out be her saying that she'd be dating Batman.]

Look at the bright side: you know you've got this whole aging well thing in the bag.

[But it takes him the entire time that time's talking to process and banish that particular mental image. Thanks so much for that, guys. Really. Bart raises his hand.]

OK. I? [Bart's hand twists so that he's pointing his index finger at his head.] Was never gonna go there.

[He lets his hands drop.] I think we can agree that "there" is a place we will never ever go again. She's like our age - here. Close enough. Why wish that on her?

[Never. Not going to be weird. Ever.]

Thank you for that, Bart. Nice to know who my friends really are around here. The ones not so quick to give me mental scarring.

[Tim snickers again.]

Batman is perfectly personable. [Pause] Sometimes. In the right mood. Maybe.

[Another pause.]

Okay, I take it back. Stick to Robins. Well--your Robin.

[Oh, look at that over there. Bart feigns a reason to drop back a step or two, pretending to pick up some bit of dust or another. In reality, he's signaling Zatanna like he's a first base coach, making an X with his forearms and widely opening it by extending his arms to the sides, pointing repeatedly from Zatanna to Tim and nodding, folding his hands and shaking them as in fervent prayer, and mouthing "Please. Don't stick to your Robin. This one needs to loosen up" before finally giving a thumbs up and a grin.

Of course, if Tim turns around, he'll act like he's stretching.]

That's the pla--

[Even if Tim's Bart is doing something completely absurd sensors weren't going into overdrive by now, the look on Zatanna's face would give it away. She didn't speak Bart yet, so to her, it looked like the boy was having a mild seizure and liking it.]

Very subtle, Bart.

Did you miss the 'never gonna happen' memo--again, no offense Tim--or the part where I like what my Robin and I have already?

[...give or take an accidental crush on 'another' boy, but he and Tim didn't need to know those sordid details.]

[Tim turns to look at Bart, giving him an utterly bewildered look--what are you doing?--before glancing back at Zatanna.]

None taken. ...As I think we covered, and I'm not sure we really want to retread that brain-breaking conversation.

[Bart slaps his palm to his forehead because he's apparently working with someone even less subtle than he is and can only smile sheepishly when Tim turns around. Nothing to see but us chickens.]

Nope. I'm good without retreading parts of it. Ever again. Can't blame me for trying.

[He gives a little half shrug.] it's for the greater good.

Edited 2013-08-06 01:57 (UTC)

[She can be subtle when she wants to be. She just doesn't usually want to be.]

What 'Greater Good'?

[Tim just shrugs.]

I think it's Bart-speak for "mess with Tim as often as possible?"

[Bart only laughs.]

Sure. Let's go with that. I don't wanna get kicked out. Is anyone else hungry?

Starving.

You cook?

Me too. [He knows Bart can cook passably well, and they had managed pizza and cake without setting the apartment on fire.]

What did you have in mind? And do you want help?

[Not setting the building on fire is the benchmark of success. It just barely eeks past the food being edible, in the end.]

I'm open to suggestions, and yeah. Help'd be good. You want to stay for dinner, Zee?

[There are no words in the English language--either the real one, or (her) Robin's version--that can adequately express just how proud she is of the both of you for not burning an apartment to the ground.]

Pasta works for me.

Actually...remind me some time to bring you this new recipe I've been meaning to try. Some sort of local kedan cuisine. It's supposed to taste a lot like our Italian food. Like, New York Italian, even.

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