tushanshu | video; backdated to the morning of the 14th

[Once again, Tony's all business and all sourpuss. But this time, he's just gotten out of bed: his hair's still sticking up in places, and careful viewers might notice that he's presently missing an ear. This week's thieves somehow managed to take something of his.

...N...not the ear.

Either way, for a guy who's notoriously anal about knowing where his things are all the time, this is a Big Thing-- particularly when Tony's got some sentimental things tucked into the wallet that was pickpocketed away from him last night.]

I've gotta hand it to you, whoever you are-- you're way more than just a petty thief. [He sniffs in distaste.] You're pretty good to slip under my nose. But three thefts on Foreigners in a row, all within a few days? Unless you're trying to show off, you're just making yourself obvious.

Sooner or later, you are going to get caught.

[Tony adds, coldly:]

By the way, I keep my juulan in a bag-- not my wallet. You've just wasted a whole lot of effort making one more enemy. Unless the Emperor's set up a currency exchange and I haven't been paying attention, have fun with my useless American dollars. Asshole.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[WAIT

WHAT]

M-my jewels aren't for anybody on this damn turtle, thanks!

Well, that's very selfish of you, Tony.

I have a girlfriend.

I do very much respect the sanctity of love.

And so I must ask rather than try to convince, would you rather not have someone who would best know how to please the male form?

[AND FINALLY, AFTER FIVE MILLION YEARS--]

Are you propositioning me?

Of course, I am.

My... I do like how slow you are... it means that we'll have quite a night ahead of us if you choose wisely.

[This is like Christmas and his birthday rolled into one! He is laughing so hard he can barely get out what he wants to say... but he does manage to get it all out between laughter.]

Oh my god are you barking up the wrong tree! You are talking to the only completely straight man on the turtle. Tony barely knows what to do with pussy, let alone a second dick!

But doesn't that make it exciting?

Think of all you could teach him...

[If only this was video. He is COMPLETELY HORRIFIED that this is even being discussed.]

My sex life is none of your business!! Either of you!

[He's going to record this to replay whenever he needs a good laugh. Also, Tony, you're opinion isn't valid, so he's going to ignore you.]

Only at first. Then you realize that you're only wasting your time and the allure wears off.

I'd rather play with someone more experienced. They're the ones who can really please, not some limp dick like Tony.

None of our business, yes, but part of our topic of conversation none the less.

[ And he sighs. ]

Really, you are disregarding the joy of having someone who is eager to please.

On the contrary. I'm quite pro-sleeping with the eager to please. Your problem is thinking that Tony is that guy.

Well, he is pleasing on the eyes, do you not agree?

No arguments there. But how about you and me dump his ass and enjoy the company of someone actually willing to please? We can throw in his picture if it's really necessary for you to get your rocks off. [Enjoy your nightmares, Tony.]

Oh... well, that would be lovely.

And you do seem like a lovely substitute.

[NO GROSS

HE DOESN'T WANT TO IMAGINE COLBY SCREWING ANYBODY

COLBY WHY]

John, what the fuck?!

[God Tony, he's sleeping with yet another one of your problems. What does it look like?] You snooze, you lose, Ton.

[To Yaha.] Your place or mine?

I have seen my place more than enough.

Yours would be lovely, John.

John. That is a name that deserves to be screamed in pleasure. I do hope that Tony's love enjoys saying his own name... even if he may not know how to bring excitement.

FI-1C. Door's open.

I don't doubt there will be a lot of screaming tonight.

Oh.

Would you kill me for playing with your friend as roughly as I have been, John? Because, that is also a little exciting to think about.

[Well that escalated quickly.]

Not that kind of screaming.

Well, that certainly is a relief.

I look forward to it, then, John.

[This can't be worse than Applebee... right?]

I can't wait.

[Someone kill him and throw the body overboard.]

See you soon, then.

video; backdated to the morning of the 14th

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