tushanshu | Entries tagged with † john colby

As some of you may know, I was hired to find the person responsible for multiple killings in September, along with an attempted homicide. That person has now killed the Emperor. [ There's a flash of something like remorse, but it only lasts a second before her jaw tightens. There's no time to feel guilty for not catching the person sooner. She has to stop him now, before he kills again. ]

I have a list of suspects. I've narrowed it down significantly. If you were one of the people I talked to about it, please see me immediately.

( Private messages for Mako, Tarrlok, Gaius Septimus, Dorian Gray, Lord Harry Wotton, Arthur Curry, Damian Wayne, Bart Allen, Jason Todd, Hal Jordan, other Hal Jordan, Billy Costigan, Rory Williams, Clara Oswald, Hannibal Lecter, Invincible, Bossuet, Combeferre, Javert, Jean Prouvaire, Marius Pontmercy, Julio Richter, Scarlet Spider, Santo Vaccarro, Scott Lang, Victor Barkowski, Bruce Banner, Bucky Barnes, Tony Stark, the other Tony Stark, Hayley Stark, Percy Jackson, Zelgadis Graywords, Jax Teller, Jim Kirk, Balthazar, Isaac Lahey, Kotetsu T. Kaburagi, Cecil Gershwin Paler )

( Private message to Barry Allen )

guiltapalooza

[Willow looks tired, faintly strung out, and somewhat tense. She's clearly a little on edge and trying to redirect the energy somewhere else.]

Whoo, okay, I think I am liable to go actually crazy if I don't do something that's not meditating sometime soon. There is only so much communing with the turtle energy a girl can do before crazy happens, and crazy on me is a bad, bad look. There's a whole Darth Rosenberg deal I'm trying to avoid.

Does anyone want to do something? Previous conversation not required to apply! I'll do anything, just provide reasonably friendly social interaction and I'm there.

Oh, and, I'm still available to do spells and stuff for people if anyone wants to hire me. I might not be able to get to it for a while because I have a... a major project I have to finish up first, but I do have some things in stock if anyone wants something? Um. Let me know.

Even if I feel like I'm gonna reach magic overload sometime soon. Never thought I'd say that.

( Private to Loki. )

( Private to Tony Stark (MCU). )

fdaterminator

[It takes a while for Colby to say anything after he turns on the feed. He knows what he wants to say but he's finding it hard to say what he needs to say without sounding like a total sap. Finally, he manages to get out:]

...If anyone's looking for Tony Chu, he ain't here anymore. Anyone with any outstanding business with him or whatever, come to me and I'll take care of it.

[A sniffle can be heard right before he turns the feed off.]

barebacking

Iorveth.

I can't find him. It is as before, is it not?

He will reappear again as he always does. He will apologize that he had disappeared in the first place. He would not leave me on my own, would he? No, of course not... elves do not abandon other elves. That is not in our nature.

Is that not right?

agentx13

Hello, again. For those who may not know me, my name is Sharon Carter. Back home, I was a government agent. I know everyone's busy with the cold and the disappearances, so I'll try not to take as little of your time as possible.

In short, if you know anything about the killings in recent months, I'd like to speak with you.

cibopath

[The pair are arguing before the camera even turns on. Colby’s annoyed, bordering on angry, but he’s containing himself somewhat.]

--for the last time, no! [And Colby turns to look at the console, and sees that it’s on. He turns back to Tony, eyes narrowed.] You little fucker.

[Tony’s a lot slicker than he appears to be, apparently, and had turned it on while Colby wasn’t paying attention. Ignoring Colby’s complaints for the moment, he turns to the camera:] As agents of the FDA, we’re expected to maintain some level of, er, decorum. [Sideways glance back at Colby.

Colby glares and gives Tony the finger.]

I understand that my fellow agent hasn’t been keeping up with that standard and has been [a jackass] causing trouble around Keeliai in the last couple months. He’s got something he’d like to say to you all.

[With a sigh, Colby runs his hand through his hair. Then, in the most deadpan, non-apologetic tone he can muster.] I’m sorry I’ve been a jackass. I’ll try harder next time. [Turns to Tony.] Happy?

[Tony says nothing and gives Colby a look, but hey-- he actually did it, at least. Good enough. He nods his approval.]

Good. Let’s move on to something more important. [Hipchecks Tony to the side and looks directly into the camera.] I need to know how to write “I wish for an unlimited supply of beets” in a variety of different languages.

Wh--

[A pause.] ...For reasons. Help a guy out.

[Dumbfounded, Tony makes a choked noise of surprise, then moves further back into the frame as he reaches to turn off the camera.]

John, what a-- [The feed cuts out mid-sentence.]

violetsedanchair

Greetings, everyone! This is Doctor Walter Bishop speaking. [He is looking directly at the camera and standing in front of a blank green chalkboard. As he gestures at the viewer, white powder can be seen on his hands and arms.]

I have been here for several weeks, and I have noticed that there are no pigs on this island. At least I have not observed any indicators of them: there are none around, and typical pork products, like bacon, are not available for consumption.

This is an issue that must be rectified! [He clears his throat. We are entering the spiel!] I have come up with three main avenues of research. [He backs up a little from the camera and reaches for the top of the chalkboard. He deftly flips it around revealing white text under the headline OPERATION "BRINGING HOME THE BACON".]

First! [He points: 1) ACQUIRING PIGS] We figure out a way to find some pigs of our own. It is possible there are pigs in this dimension, but we simply have not discovered them yet. A thorough exploration program should be pursued if one is not underway yet. Or, we reach into another dimension [A pig dimension? That's what Belly would call police stations back in the seventies...] and bring a breeding population back here with us. The technological implications there are exciting, but the hurdles severe. And as delicious as bacon is, having the ability to jaunt across dimensions would have better uses than importing pigs.

There are also ethical and legal implications in interdimensional pig rustling.

Second! [2) AN ACCEPTABLE SUBSTITUTE] This one is more likely to succeed, but less likely to be satisfying. We develop a substance that is as close enough to actual bacon as is possible. Some kind of flavoured, lard-fortified tofu perhaps. I ask culinary experts to weigh in.

Third. [3) SYNTHETIC PIGS] We may be able to recreate the pig genome and incubate embryos using your typical splicing and in vitro techniques. This would be biotechnologically very demanding and we have very little to go on with the pig genome. It would require a great deal of trial and error. As far as I can tell there are no species in here that are even remote relatives of the Sus scrofa domesticus. Some of you may point out the similarities between the human genome and the pig genome! The differences are still too vast. It would be easier to create a pig out of a turtle than a human.

[There is a faded fourth line of text that has been scrubbed away, but which eagle-eyed viewers might be able to read: 4) THE LONG PIG OPTION).

There you have it! I hope for a very productive discussion. Any help or advice would be warmly welcome, and if there is enough interest, perhaps we can hold a symposium on the question in the near future!

[Walter reaches for the console and the feed terminates.]

cibopath

[Howdy, network; have a slightly less scruffy guy! He seems to have cleaned himself up a little bit-- not quite as much stray stubble this afternoon-- and, unlike the vast majority of the network these last few days, appears to still be as biologically male and 30-something as ever. (He even remembered the prosthetic ear this time.) But he's not unaffected: not by far. He's lost his powers and couldn't be more thrilled. Turns out, not having awful psychic visions with your food is GREAT.

As opposed to last time's frustrations, Tony is... uncharacteristically happy. He's NEVER happy. At first losing the power was cause for alarm: checking the network and seeing the cause has put him a little at ease. May as well enjoy the "vacation". He's wearing a smile that, in spite of his attempts to stay cool, completely betrays the fact that he's restraining the urge to laugh and sing show tunes and all that cheery nonsense.]

So. [Tony beams.]

Does anyone know of any good places to eat around here?

glassesbrat

[ Someone is a bit sulky today and you can maybe hear him swiveling his chair back in fourth in a bored manner. ]

The police here are just as useless as the ones back home.

How many of you are detectives and how many of you have been shoo'd away from crime scenes here?

cibopath

[Once again, Tony's all business and all sourpuss. But this time, he's just gotten out of bed: his hair's still sticking up in places, and careful viewers might notice that he's presently missing an ear. This week's thieves somehow managed to take something of his.

...N...not the ear.

Either way, for a guy who's notoriously anal about knowing where his things are all the time, this is a Big Thing-- particularly when Tony's got some sentimental things tucked into the wallet that was pickpocketed away from him last night.]

I've gotta hand it to you, whoever you are-- you're way more than just a petty thief. [He sniffs in distaste.] You're pretty good to slip under my nose. But three thefts on Foreigners in a row, all within a few days? Unless you're trying to show off, you're just making yourself obvious.

Sooner or later, you are going to get caught.

[Tony adds, coldly:]

By the way, I keep my juulan in a bag-- not my wallet. You've just wasted a whole lot of effort making one more enemy. Unless the Emperor's set up a currency exchange and I haven't been paying attention, have fun with my useless American dollars. Asshole.

langsyne

[Good evening chelonauts, tonight you are being treated to the fine sight of one (1) bruised and somewhat bloody Ant-Man looking far more annoyed than he has looked his entire stay on this turtle. There are scrapes and cuts all over his face and his mouth is a thin line that is barely visible until he opens it to speak.]

Heads up: if any of you guys see a rooster that looks like it's been fused with a telephone box, do me a huge favor and run, not walk, in the opposite direction if you want to wake up tomorrow with still ten fingers. [He hasn't lost any of his own yet but it's only a matter of time.] I don't think there's another one of these Frankenchickens out there but just in case.

[There's long-suffering sigh and he's about to say more when he immediately gets drowned out by the rooster rattling around in its makeshift cage and crowing its little cybernetic head off. At the rate things are going, that cage ain't gonna hold it much longer and then fingers are actually going to be lost.

Scott turns and attempts to shush the rooster several times, but since the rooster listens to him about as well as everyone else does (which is to say not at all), he finally gives up and just ignores the damn thing, pinching his nose in exasperation.]

Anyone have any extra bandages? And maybe a flamethrower? You'll get paid back in chicken patties.

cibopath

[Meet Tony Chu.

Though he used to be Philly PD, his new gig was with the U.S. Food and Drug Administration-- which means he was an agent of the most powerful law enforcement agency in the world. And just like when he was a cop, he worked a lot of cases and stops a lot of crime.

Except he was just fired. Now he's a meter maid.

Today, he's stranded on the back of a giant turtle. He isn't happy about that, either.]

Officer Anthony Chu. I've... been in the hospital, and was brought here without my badge, but I promise you, I'm not lying about my position. [Tony's voice is measured and calm, but his face is set in his default scowl. The fact that he's in a pink bathrobe and a hospital gown doesn't really do him any favors. ~~Sue him, he hasn't gotten around to buying clothes yet.~~] I've been brought up to speed-- for the most part, anyway-- by the locals, but if I'm going to be able to do my job, I'll need more than that. If you can give me any deeper information about why we're here, what to expect in this city, what that thing was, or how I'm supposed to get in touch with the local government, step forward and tell me what you know. Kidnappings, particularly mass kidnappings, are very serious [dozens of people? really?] and I'd prefer to hit the ground running here.

Furthermore, if any other agents are here, contact me as soon as possible. Through the console will work.

[Tony hesitates: for the briefest of moments his agent facade falters as he realizes he really doesn't know how to end this spiel. He finally mutters a 'thank you' under his breath and promptly shuts off the feed.]

leviathaned

So, let me see if I’ve got this straight. [There’s a pause, since the young man in the video is too tall for the device and has to adjust it slightly so it can record his face and just how much he is judging the entire turtle. It is quite a bit of judging.]

We’ve been kidnapped, and subsequently drafted, to fight a war for people we know nothing about, to the back of a giant turtle? And no one in this process thought to make sure they were getting actual combatants? Oh, and we have to work to pay for our stay, because kidnappees need to contribute to the economy, too? Is that about the gist of it?

[He pauses for a minute, as if actually waiting for an answer, before kind of laughing to himself, more than a little bitterly, and leans his chin on one hand.] And here I thought I might get homesick. Guess apocalypses come pretty standard wherever. Good luck, brave and mighty warriors of Who-Knows-Where-You’re-Actually-From.

You’re probably going to need it.

[He gives a sardonic, loose little salute with his free hand, before turning off the feed.]

oathwalk

As the collection and sharing of information seems to become an increasing problem the more newcomers are brought in and old residents are lost, I have attempted to collect what data is available on the network and record it in audio so that it can be understood by all. A link is attached to this post.

[Look! A link. Enjoy information about the Malicant, Asti, the Mainland, and more!]

The information is sparse enough, and I'm afraid that I am not accustomed to this kind of information gathering. If there is data that I have overlooked, I would welcome it.

[Richard wears the mask of measured calm and confidence that he is accustomed to sporting for all official matters, so he does not let himself look tired, but he is. He is so very is. He has searched through as much information archived on the network as he could, and he now understands why his advisors seem kind of irritable sometimes. New appreciation for the clerical staff in his administration right here.]

The intention of this collection of data is, first, to have it given to newcomers on arrival, and second, to have a central location to which we can add new information and updated reports. The hope is to keep us all better informed and make it easier to establish what information needs to be gathered from what is already known. While we can give his file as asked for by new arrivals, any suggestions from those technically inclined on how to make the data more easy to access and update is welcomed. Commander Evandau has also expressed a willingness to give this information to new Foreigners on arrival, should the Emperor give consent. [If only to spare Evandau and Eshai getting the same questions over and over at audiences, but hey: it will solve problems of distribution if they can do that.]

fdaterminator

[Colby had logged on at net cafe to see there was some sort of tribble containment effort that he had missed. Instead he sees two stoned aliens tossing the furballs out a window.]

Oh come on!! I can't be the only person actually trying to do something about these little bastards can I? Sure they look cute but at the rate they're going to eat and breed us out of house and home in... You know what, I'm not even going to waste my breath. [His red robotic eye turns blue and it projects a simulation of what will happen to the ecosystem of Tu Vishan if the tribbles continue doing what they're doing unchecked into the air. It's quick and not pretty.]

Do I have some fucking volunteers now?

I'm F.D.A., but I also used to be U.S.D.A., so I know a thing or two about animal containment. If you're too lazy or unwilling to help at least point me in the direction of an empty warehouse and/or large refrigeration units... Hell, anything that can store or stop these assholes from breeding.

spiderkid

[There's no real reason for Miles to make this a video other than the novelty of it, so he does.]

I'm just curious, out of all of us who got brought here, how many are from Earth? And out of those, how many are from New York?

[He shrugs.] I guess that's it. I know there's more important stuff going on, but I was just wondering.

fdaterminator

[This is John Colby.

He’s one of the best agents in the F.D.A.

When John Colby took a butcher knife to the face, he received facial reconstruction surgery that left him with half a terminator face and the awesome perk of a multi-million dollar processor where his damaged brain once was.

The injuries peppering his face and the arm in the sling have nothing to do with that injury. Those came from an angry octogenarian after she discovered he was two-timing her with another man.

It wasn't pretty.]

All right everyone, listen up. Agent John Colby, F.D.A. [And with that he flashes his badge to the camera with his good arm.] I've got two questions for you: first, any of science nerds out there? I need one of you to come and look at my eye. [Yes, the creepy red one, not the normal one.] It's not working and I prefer to use two goddamn eyes. The door says "FI-1C." Knock first or I'll shoot.

Second, and this is important so listen up, where is the cheapest place I buy booze? This is not something to take in sober. And I really don't give a shit about any illegal chicken joints--if this place even has chicken--so let's not even pretend that might be an issue, 'kay? I just want to get shitfaced in peace.

[He pauses.] Actually, I got one more question, though it's more a request. If anyone here has seen my partner, an insufferable little prick named Chu, let me know. Ton, if you're watching this you better fucking contact me, got it?

ironwood

So that tags are correctly visible. If your tag isn't showing up, please contact the mods.

Tu Shanshu

004 || video

2 ☆ VIDEO

003 | VOICE;

VOICE.

003 || [video]

joint post from tony's console; video

02 [Video]

video;

003 | Edogawa Conan | [ Audio ]

video; backdated to the morning of the 14th

video.

video

01: Video

II. ♔ Video

002 | Video; anonymous location

02 - video

001 | Video

Tag Cloud

Links