tushanshu | fourth hunt ✗ ( voice )

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fourth hunt ✗ ( voice )

[After trying to process things for days, she's finally willing to poke herself about again. She's been mostly alone in her rooms.]

If this place is all you have, what would you do? If home isn't an option any more, what things would you want to do here?

If nothing matters... [She's tense, sounding depressed.]

I guess I should make a list of things I've never done and do them. I just don't know where to start. Or do all the things I like to do. Me and my mom used to go hiking, but I guess I can't really do that here.

[She just sort of fades off before shutting the feed off.]

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Then why bother? You've done it already. What's the point of doing something you used to do with your mom?

Something from home. Something that was before everything.

You don't think it's just going to be a reminder of what comes after? [For him, it always is.]

Maybe after. But it'd be nice to be happy for five minutes.

Don't settle for that. I wouldn't want to.

How do you not settle when you know it doesn't matter? When you don't know who to trust or even what you really want?

First, how do you ask a question like that when you know you feel miserable? Going back to what made you happy is a bad habit. It's as bad as smoking.

I got nothing for the second. Haven't [a beat] figured that one out yet.

I just want to feel that again. Feel happy again.

Can't use the same stimulus if that's going to give you a whiplash.

If you can't have what you want, how else do you figure it out? [Her voice wavers, smile flickering. She never had a normal family. Both parents are dead now, and so is she. How can she pick up from that when everything just feels like it's falling a part?]

Figure something else to want. You [a beat] just have to find something to keep you moving.

Surviving isn't living though.

Depends what you want. If you want to go back to how things were, there's plenty of narcotics -- temporary fixes -- that you get.

I don't think that's the answer. I already saw my dead parents once.

[A beat.] That's fucked up.

[She sounds amused.] Welcome to my life.

Your life sucks. Sorry, no thanks for me.

If you think that sucks, you have no idea what I've been through. Which is probably a good thing.

I'm not a fan of that stepping in your shoes bullshit. That's probably something you should lay down on a couch and talk to someone for hours about.

Already tried that. [Hannibal gave her the drugs.]

Time to try something new. I binged on shitty food, smoked and beat up thugs. Any of those ring your bell?

Pretty sure I couldn't beat anything up, but overeating has been suggested. As has drinking.

So you're just impossible to please, is that what you're telling me?

I'm a woman, [She jokes.]

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