01; video

[friendstime]

[So there's a slightly rough looking young man transmitting over the consoles. He looks like a High School delinquent with heavily gelled hair and an open jacket that might be a school uniform. Maybe. He starts out by staring intensely at the display, as if he's going for a staring contest.

Yup. Totally ready for this. Any day now.]

Ah. Is it working?

[He's going to assume it is. The teenager brushes back the sides of his pompadour haircut, making sure it is in place so he can make a good impression. And then he takes a deep breath and begins.]

Oi, Kengo! You there? Maybe not... Anyway, the people outside told me some stuff about bein' stuck here cause of some business for this Emperor person! So I wanna say something. If you're watchin' this, Emperor, I don't like that you bring people here without asking first. Even if you need help, you gotta think of other people's feelings to. That's just natural, ya know?

Everybody else, since we're all here, I guess that makes us new neighbors. So I'm jus' gonna get this out of the way now. My name's Kisaragi Gentarou, and I'm the man that's gonna befriend everyone in this city!

[He says that loudly, as if he just challenged the whole population to a fight. He even points at the screen as if to say that means you.]

Right. So that's what I have to say.

[And he finishes off with a short salute and some fumbling with buttons as he figures out how to disconnect.]

Comments

audio;

[superieure]

... Were you hit on the head as a child?

video;

[friendstime]

[Oh, a call back! He's so ready for this!

And it shows by the expression on his face. It's almost like he isn't staring at the blank screen during the audio feedback.]

Well, when I was really little I fell off my bike.

[The way he affirms that almost makes him sound proud of that feat.]

video;

[superieure]

It's done wonders for your IQ, I'm sure.

[She's too shocked to even facepalm. Is he really that dense?]

video;

[friendstime]

Well, I learned a lot from that. It really hurt, and at first I wanted to cry. It was my first time on a bike, ya know? But after I picked myself up, it got easier. I realized you really gotta get to know everything and keep going no matter what!

[He grins at the voice.] And the same goes for everything else too. You might get knocked off your feet, but if you have a tough head, you can keep it down and keep going.

[He's mixing up analogies, but that's okay. It makes sense to him?]

[bacondivination]

You're... definitely something, aren't you?

[friendstime]

Yep! [HE SURE IS. Wait, was that a compliment or not?]

I'm a second year student!

[Who has really mediocre grades. Yay him?]

[bacondivination]

[ Perplexed: ] Of what exactly? Is this something people teach somewhere?

[friendstime]

In High School. I'm Amanogawa High class 2-B student, Kisaragi Gentarou!

[Yes, he just announced that like it was official. Yes, he repeated his name. No, he is not ashamed.]

Don't you go to school? Are you privately tutored or something? Man, you must be rich.

video;

[crabmunicator]

[Here on this side is something of a sight: a teenager, which isn't so odd, but one who's grey, horned, and scowling with a decidedly fangy overbite.]

How is it that such a conglomeration of dumbasses can be present in this one city? How is it that amongst those dumbasses, beyond the shitswizzles who think their overwrought snarky crap is halfway clever, there is this fine specimen of moron who has to stare at his camera for half a minute before he figures that yes, it's turned on and recording? Did you not ask anyone anything before you got to your hive? This is basic technology!

Beyond that, I am brought to the point of nausea that there exists someone who thinks it's a worthwhile idea, let alone one worth announcing to the city at large, to attempt to befriend every person here? It's not going to work. It is psychologically impossible, and one of the most pathetic things my beleaguered sponge clots have ever absorbed the sound waves of.

Kisaragi, right?

[He doesn't know how Japanese names work; the use of his surname is less respect (ha) or politeness than simple ignorance.]

It's too late for this to count as "ahead", so just quit now, before the city dies of collective secondhand embarrassment.

video;

[friendstime]

[Oh my god there are so many words he doesn't understand at all. Uh. Something about stupid and this guy isn't liking what he said, and a shizzawizzle? Something? The one point Gentarou does pick up is one that he latches on to.]

Making friends is never a waste of time! Everybody was brought here because we're needed, and we'll do even better when we work together. That's what gives us more strength!

[He points at the console for emphasis.]

No one's gonna make me give up! You may not believe in us yet, but I'll prove to you what we're made of! Just wait!

video; oh my god Gentarou you precious dummy

[crabmunicator]

[Karkat's eyes narrow, less an outright glare than a judging squint.]

Do you ever hear the words coming out of your mouth, or are you the kind of sincere weirdo who completely fails to think this stuff sounds embarrassing? I don't want to work together with you, because this whole scenario is a stinking load of crap.

Also, I didn't say making friends is a waste of time, I said you attempting to befriend everyone is. You're committal is only as good as throwing yourself against a wall again and again, hoping that your mounting head injuries will somehow get you over the top and to the other side. It's not going to work, it's never going to work, and your utter lack of intelligence is astounding in all the worst ways.

Who the fuck is "we" in this scenario, anyway?

video; he will befriend the shit out of you

[friendstime]

Of course I hear them! I believe them a hundred- no, two hundred percent! What's a load of crap is that attitude! You can't say any of that until you try it. It's not hopeless at all. Yeah, it can be rough, but those rough times are what makes everything worth it. Gettin' a few bruises along the way ain't nothing if it helps out your friends.

If you can make friends with one person, what's wrong with making friends with the rest? I'll show you just how real that kind of friendship is! "We" is me and all my buddies.

[He thumps his fist over his heart.] No matter where they are, I know they got my back. And I'm not gonna let them down by giving up.

[video]

[unconchonable]

'Fraid your hopes are gonna be outright dashed, because for one: plenty a people get nauseated by that type a chipper, owerly-friendly attitude. And for two: I'm one a them.

So much for eweryone, huh?

[Seriously though, what is the deal with this guy.]

[video]

[friendstime]

No problem! [CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.]

Everyone means everyone. You may not think much of it now, but that's just more reason we should be friends!

[Gentarou logic is special. Hate means they are perfect candidates for friendship, clearly.]

[video]

[unconchonable]

Uh, big problem, considerin' you're gettin' on my bloody nerwes already. I don't want to be your fuckin' friend, you weird lookin' hornless ape.

[Eridan is pretty damn grumpy, and already hates humans. Good luck!]

[video]

[friendstime]

Ape? I'm not an ape. I'm a human!

[Because that's clearly where the problem lies. A species misunderstanding.]

So you're sayin' if I got horns you'd be my friend?

[modernized]

That's...quite the declaration there. I didn't think people could actually be so aggressively friendly.

[Befriend everyone? Really?]

[friendstime]

Well, you gotta give it everything you got when you're serious, right?

[Gen's logic is totally sound.]

There are a lot of people here, so if I want to make friends with them all, I gotta put my heart into it!

[modernized]

Well, whatever makes you happy. [It certainly is dedication...or something on that level.] Don't stress yourself too much over it. Not everyone is going to like you, you know?

[friendstime]

Oh, yeah, I know. [Does he really? He still seems pretty confident. Also he's a teenager.]

Friendship starts out that way at first sometimes. You don't get along really well until you know someone.

[He grins brightly.] That's why we're gonna get to know each other!

[Perfect solution.]

text .

[gavehead]

bromanship accepted.
congrats man.
you got yourself a pal.

_{[ out of all the people that could give you an easy time, Bro is the one who does it.
Maybe you'll have some regrets about this. ]}

video;

[friendstime]

[He reads the text, but since Gen is still pretty new to the consoles, he doesn't know how to respond in anything other than video. He just mashes the reply and starts talking.]

Okay! You're on, pal. You and I are gonna be friends from now on.

[Gentarou. Gen, remember what happened with JK. Unfortunately, he's missing his voice of reason, so he jumps right into the agreement. Nope, no regrets.]

What's your name, anyway?

text .

[gavehead]

_{[ he's never seen such gut wrenching optimism in his entire life and he likes it. ]}

bro.
nothing else than that. call me bro.

gentarou is a lot to type.
gen-bro.
the big g man.
well figure something out.

something of that nature.
where you from.

video;

[oyaji]

Aww yes! Hey, bro! Good to see another Japanese around here. I was starting to feel like a minority!

[ HAHAHA It's funny, 'cause he's always a minority! ISN'T HE HILARIOUS? The answer is: Yes. ]

video;

[friendstime]

Yo, old man! [Because that is totally what Gen sees right off the bat.]

You're not alone anymore. Don't worry, I'll keep ya company!

[Gen missed the joke, but look how helpful he's being!]