002 ♋ VIDEO (backdated to the 15th)

[crabmunicator]

[Karkat appears on screen, looking like he's taken some efforts to make himself presentable, though his hair is as hopeless a mess as ever. That thing does what it wants. It's a monster. His expression is serious, though, and his tone is pretty sedate as he begins to speak.]

So I know I'm not the only person making this kind of post recently, but I kind of need to do this, so here I go adding another to the pile:

I need a job. And unlike a certain self-absorbed tool I'm not here to name - [Eridan, he means you.] - I'm not going to demand one on simple grounds of "I want one, so give it to me."

[Ahem.]

For things I've got experience with, I am a capable leader who led a team of twelve moronic and frustratingly stubborn trolls to victory in what has to be record time. In the interests of proper disclosure, this was not without some mistakes, but I learned from them and fully intend not to repeat their causes.

I'm experienced with sickle fighting and have taken down a ridiculous amount of creatures with them, both individually and while working with others, ranging all over the scale of size and power. I helped defeat something that should have been able to kill my team with voice alone, and that's without listing all the other stuff that made it ridiculously fucking powerful.

I'm good at coding viruses, but I somehow doubt that's going to get me a job, so whatever.

I like books and movies, so if there are any book stores or movie stores - does this place have movies? - I'd be open to those.

I've also got experience doling out romantic advice. Fair warning that this primarily revolved around the topic of troll romance, but I do have fair knowledge of the comparatively simple and stunted form that is human relationships, and am open to learning the intricacies of other systems. That's not even a job thing; it's downright fascinating and I am not here to receive arguments to the amount of "hurr hurr, you like romance!"

[He rolls his eyes, then returns to the serious look.]

Lastly, I'm not above more menial work if it comes down to it. So long as doing the job won't grind my think pan down into a fine paste to be extruded through the tiny holes of my auricular sponge clots, consider me open to the suggestion.

If you have questions, want details, shit like that, then go ahead and ask.

(OOC edit: In light of the plot development, I'm backdating this to yesterday, the 15th.)

Comments

[crabmunicator]

[There we go. Karkat marks it down.]

Is it actually good coffee? Because I have had nothing but the awful kind the past three years.

[manofiron]

I'm the quintessential coffee connoisseur. I only drink good coffee. My physiological makeup is like, eight parts coffee, two parts blood. Don't worry. I'll hook you up.

[crabmunicator]

Thank you. I don't even know if my body will recognize it as coffee instead of some mysterious drink from the heavens, descended to my lowly mortal lips. You have no idea what it's like to have to deal with this stuff that gets a weird film on it if you don't drink it almost as soon as the machine spits it out.

[manofiron]

What?

[ This is a legitimate aghast reaction to what sounds like the consumption of toxic sludge. ]

No. Absolutely not. That's just—No. A travesty. You're going to have real coffee.

[crabmunicator]

Three fucking years of that.

[The horror is real, Tony.]

I am so glad to be in a place with real food again.

[manofiron]

[ This is horrible. ]

What else? Food-wise. What do you like to eat?

[crabmunicator]

Honestly? I'm not picky, and the specific likes I do have are probably stuff you won't know about. I'm from an entirely different universe than humans and I am positive you have zero clue what grubloaf is, let alone how to make the mucus for it.

The other part of those three years was a bunch of duplicated stuff via science machines, basically, and what experiments we could get out of combining those things. Some of those experiments were worthwhile; some were very, very not.

[manofiron]

Grubs like little wormy… [ He lifts a hand, trying to approximate the size of an Earth grub with his fingers. ] …things? Turned into a… Like meatloaf? Sort of all mushed together?

[ That didn’t sound appetizing. But if it was what the guy liked… ]

How about cheese? Have you ever had cheese? Melt it, it’s kind of the consistency of mucus. I could get a pizza. Most people like them. It's like a big blob of mucus on a little spongy crust covered in plant-based sauce.

guessing a little on what trolls have since ??? troll food is weird

[crabmunicator]

Grubs like young troll grubs.

[He says it like it's nothing, because it is, pretty much. They use them for paint, after all.]

But more or less, yeah.

And yes, I've had cheese. I will try your earth pizza and most likely survive.

[He may be rolling his eyes a little.]

[manofiron]

[ Well, that's gross. And sounds like cannibalism. But hey, whatever. No one ever promised him that alien customs were pleasant. ]

Lucky for you, we've got plenty of other things, so if you decide pizza isn't as great as the advertisements say, we'll try something else.

[crabmunicator]

[It sounds like cannibalism because it is. Hooray!]

For what it's worth, if the pizza doesn't work out I've already learned I like sushi.

[He will probably like pizza plenty, though.]

[manofiron]

Great. Me too. That'll be our plan B.

[ He gives him a grin. ]

See you at the office.

[crabmunicator]

Good. I'll see you then.

[He's not one for grinning much of ever, but he will give a thumbs up.]