002 ♋ VIDEO (backdated to the 15th)

[crabmunicator]

[Karkat appears on screen, looking like he's taken some efforts to make himself presentable, though his hair is as hopeless a mess as ever. That thing does what it wants. It's a monster. His expression is serious, though, and his tone is pretty sedate as he begins to speak.]

So I know I'm not the only person making this kind of post recently, but I kind of need to do this, so here I go adding another to the pile:

I need a job. And unlike a certain self-absorbed tool I'm not here to name - [Eridan, he means you.] - I'm not going to demand one on simple grounds of "I want one, so give it to me."

[Ahem.]

For things I've got experience with, I am a capable leader who led a team of twelve moronic and frustratingly stubborn trolls to victory in what has to be record time. In the interests of proper disclosure, this was not without some mistakes, but I learned from them and fully intend not to repeat their causes.

I'm experienced with sickle fighting and have taken down a ridiculous amount of creatures with them, both individually and while working with others, ranging all over the scale of size and power. I helped defeat something that should have been able to kill my team with voice alone, and that's without listing all the other stuff that made it ridiculously fucking powerful.

I'm good at coding viruses, but I somehow doubt that's going to get me a job, so whatever.

I like books and movies, so if there are any book stores or movie stores - does this place have movies? - I'd be open to those.

I've also got experience doling out romantic advice. Fair warning that this primarily revolved around the topic of troll romance, but I do have fair knowledge of the comparatively simple and stunted form that is human relationships, and am open to learning the intricacies of other systems. That's not even a job thing; it's downright fascinating and I am not here to receive arguments to the amount of "hurr hurr, you like romance!"

[He rolls his eyes, then returns to the serious look.]

Lastly, I'm not above more menial work if it comes down to it. So long as doing the job won't grind my think pan down into a fine paste to be extruded through the tiny holes of my auricular sponge clots, consider me open to the suggestion.

If you have questions, want details, shit like that, then go ahead and ask.

(OOC edit: In light of the plot development, I'm backdating this to yesterday, the 15th.)

Comments

[manofiron]

How good at coding? Scale of one to ten.

[ Because that's what he focused on out of all of the rest of that. ]

[crabmunicator]

[Karkat scrunches up his eyebrows. He really didn't expect a response for that.]

How should I know? It depends what the numbers represent on a certain scale of reference. Consider me to be swallowing my pride here when I say my best friend could code stuff that blew me out of the water, but I am reasonably competent. I know what I'm doing.

[No he doesn't.]

[manofiron]

You just make it up. One's bad. Ten's... me. I don't expect you to be me. But if you know what you're doing, then I can offer you a job.

[ Because everyone needs people who can write viruses... ]

Worst virus you ever wrote. What was it?

since canon only gives a general description of their quality

[crabmunicator]

... Seven?

[He's being optimistic, and also blind to himself.]

One all but melted down my computer, with the noises it made and how hot it got. If that doesn't count for something I don't know what does.

[It counts for the fact that he is awful. Back out while you still can, Tony.]

[manofiron]

Impressive.

[ The number and the sheer horror that is evidently this guy's creations. Pity there's no one here that Tony can sic him on. ]

You like working with computers? Place I run isn't all coding viruses. We haven't actually done that at all yet. But we code other stuff and I've been making a few video game equivalents in my spare time. If that's of interest, we can find a position for you.

video; I regret nothing

[trifurcate]

[Bryn would have offered Karkat a job in a heartbeat, always in need of staff in one position or another, but since he's got an offer from Tony, well, she's not going to push hard for it.]

Always positions open at the BT if you want it, but it sounds like you've got another offer already.

So maybe instead tell me about troll romance? What's so different?

video;

[crabmunicator]

[He looks pretty surprised about it himself.]

Yeah, somehow. Can't say I'm not glad.

[That was quick.]

For starters, we have four forms of romance instead of your measly one. They are accordingly called quadrants. Do you want the whole explanation at once, or do you want me to go in segments?

video;

[trifurcate]

Quadrants? Mm, maybe in segments just in case I have questions along the way.

[And Bryn sort of, mentally settles in for the explanation. Because while her own social life is rather complicated she's fairly certain it doesn't have the structure Karkat's already alluded to.]

video;

[crabmunicator]

[It is definitely a thing to be settled in for. She picked the wise option, really.]

First off, the focus and purpose of each quadrant is somewhat determined by its categories, or conversely is categorized by focus and purpose--it doesn't really matter which, but they're descriptive either way.

The primary divide is between red and black romance. Red romance, or redrom, is based around positive emotions. Since troll emotions are divided into fields of hate and pity and their lesser forms, pity is the guide to this. Generally you're fond of the person you're involved with, taking pity upon them for their faults in one form or another instead of being disgusted by them as you would by someone outside those relationships.

Black romance, blackrom, therefore concerns hate. Unlike human society, hate is not necessarily cause to avoid someone. It depends if it runs platonic or not, which in this case it doesn't. I'll explain more when we get to its specific quadrants.

The other categories are concupiscent and conciliatory romance. Concupiscent means it's a quadrant involved with reproduction. Conciliatory is more about pacification in some form or another, and by human standards wouldn't be considered platonic and not romance at all, but they are still highly important within our society and help prevent a lot of chaos from going down.

Are you following so far?

[angermanaging]

Uh. Well. If you're going to be working at SI, I'm the... I work there. [He can't introduce himself as Head of Whatever, even if it's his official title. He just can't.

Bruce smiles slightly, a bit awkward.] Bruce Banner. Nuclear physics. I have the third floor.

[Privately he's wondering just what this kid is, but he's too diplomatic to ask outright just yet.]

[crabmunicator]

Did he put out some kind of notice already?

[Karkat's still in... not quite shock, but definite surprise. How did he get a job that easy. For a thing he'll have to learn how to do, even. It's amazing. He is going to rub it in Eridan's face.]

I know jack shit about nuclear physics, so I will wisely leave that floor and all it entails to you, because I don't want to blow myself up. Karkat Vantas, and I guess I'm going to be learning how to make video games.

[angermanaging]

No, I just try to keep up with things said on the network, [he says without a hint of shame for what amounts to I stalk public conversations sometimes. A bit more dryly,] Tony makes a lot of random hires.

I do a lot of other stuff. [A beat.] And there's a dog now. Jarred. He usually stays on my floor but he... he might not. [Bruce half shrugs.]

jsyk I love that you use Edward Norton icons, I liked him better

[crabmunicator]

[Look at that eyebrow, Bruce. It's raised, and it's raised at you.]

I'm going to end up working with a bunch of freaks, aren't I?

[Not that he's discouraged. He's done it before; look at his team.]

So long as your barkbeast doesn't screw me up when I'm working, he's fine.

video

[virginprice]

I wish I had a place to offer you, but I own a clothing shop and I doubt that would spark your interest.

[He pauses and then sighs and continues- he's probably going to get himself into trouble, but he can't not ask.]

However, I am interested in your characterization of human relationships as 'simple and stunted'. What do you mean by that?

video

[crabmunicator]

No. My species normally could not care less about fashion, and I'd be wearing the same outfit every day if I had enough copies of it to do so here. But it's fine, I already got an offer.

[And more importantly!]

It is, though. You only have one form! One single, solitary, uncomplicated form. And don't complain to me about ooh, but it has its intricacies and blah blah. I have seen a plethora of your human romance movies and its various problems and issues do not begin to equal the level of complexity attained through troll quadrants.

video

[virginprice]

I have heard something of your troll romance and it seems to hold nothing that is not contained by that single, solitary, uncomplicated form. Certainly your, ah, kismesissitude? is not unknown in my land, as I told your countryman.

[Alcuin's voice is not combative, but he is a d'Angeline, and thus holds very strong views on matters of romance. He can't just let that pass.]

Your preference for pity over love is passing strange, but I cannot see that it somehow renders your relationships more complex.

video

[crabmunicator]

[He scrubs a hand over his face. Eridan may be another troll - the only one here besides himself - but he's not sure of the quality of explanation he may have given. Also, what's with the way this guy talks?]

[He does perk up at a certain mention, though.]

You have kismesissitude? If that's the case then your world's romance isn't like the kind I've learned about for the humans we created.

And we do have love; it's just a lesser form of pity, like all positive emotions.

[video]

[unconchonable]

Wow fuck you Kar, that dig was entirely un-fuckin'-necessary.

[Totally necessary.]

[video]

[crabmunicator]

[Karkat is utterly unbothered.]

I got a job from the first person to reply, and have had two offers besides. Tell me again how my dig is unnecessary when I'm the one who knew what the hell he's doing.

[video]

[unconchonable]

Funny you should say that when I also got job offers. So, suck on a bulge, stupid, you're not fuckin' better than me at this shit.

[video]

[crabmunicator]

This quickly and readily? I got one for the thing I least expected to get an offer about. Tell me how I didn't do better.

[mightythinice]

Hey, good luck with finding a job. [she exhales in a loud, exaggerated sigh]

I should probably find one too, but I've been selling stuff and it gets me by okay. So... What kind of books and movies do you like? Not like it's gonna be anything I've ever heard of, but I'm a pretty big fan of comics.

I've got some from back home, actually.

[crabmunicator]

Found one with the first response, actually.

[He's really pretty pleased about it. This went better than he thought.]

Selling your stuff sounds like a stupid way to get by. It's not like you can get stuff from your home world that easily, is it? Unless there's some mystery way to get them to bring it for you that I don't know about - or you're selling something else.

[He doesn't know.]

Anyway, romance is the main thing. I like other works too if they're good, like I can appreciate a solid action flick as much as the next guy, but romantic works and romcoms capture a complex field of social interaction in a way a lot of other genres don't.

[mightythinice]

I go hunting, and I sell the stuff I catch, not my actual stuff. How fucking stupid would that be? [she laughs at the suggestion. Her stuff was her stuff, and she wasn't parting with the things that were the last remnants of home, even of her shitty life back there.] You're right, that'd be a pretty dumb move.

Romance, huh... So no sci-fi or anything like that. [he probably would've liked Dawn of the Wolf, then, if what Joel said about it was true.

But, he did call it a dumb teen movie.]

'Cause that's what I like.

[crabmunicator]

Okay, intelligence points secured for the human. Do me a favor and don't lose them, and I won't have to go off on you about what godawful substitute you have stuffed in your skull to serve as a thought organ.

[Meanwhile, dumbness of the movie isn't a problem. Karkat likes some seriously stupid films, when it comes down to it.]

Sci-fi can be good if it's actually intelligent, but let me tell you: you humans are morons. You have ridiculous ideas about aliens and severely overestimate your ability to beat oncoming invasions. Half the time what you have make no sense whatsoever or are technologically incompetent in a way that defies their ability to even make it to your planet when you haven't made it past your own solitary moon. Other stuff doesn't far much better either when it's obvious you're guessing at technologies you don't understand. It's like watching a film from centuries back and laughing at how embarrassing their idea of the future is; it just doesn't work.