002 ♋ VIDEO (backdated to the 15th)

[crabmunicator]

[Karkat appears on screen, looking like he's taken some efforts to make himself presentable, though his hair is as hopeless a mess as ever. That thing does what it wants. It's a monster. His expression is serious, though, and his tone is pretty sedate as he begins to speak.]

So I know I'm not the only person making this kind of post recently, but I kind of need to do this, so here I go adding another to the pile:

I need a job. And unlike a certain self-absorbed tool I'm not here to name - [Eridan, he means you.] - I'm not going to demand one on simple grounds of "I want one, so give it to me."

[Ahem.]

For things I've got experience with, I am a capable leader who led a team of twelve moronic and frustratingly stubborn trolls to victory in what has to be record time. In the interests of proper disclosure, this was not without some mistakes, but I learned from them and fully intend not to repeat their causes.

I'm experienced with sickle fighting and have taken down a ridiculous amount of creatures with them, both individually and while working with others, ranging all over the scale of size and power. I helped defeat something that should have been able to kill my team with voice alone, and that's without listing all the other stuff that made it ridiculously fucking powerful.

I'm good at coding viruses, but I somehow doubt that's going to get me a job, so whatever.

I like books and movies, so if there are any book stores or movie stores - does this place have movies? - I'd be open to those.

I've also got experience doling out romantic advice. Fair warning that this primarily revolved around the topic of troll romance, but I do have fair knowledge of the comparatively simple and stunted form that is human relationships, and am open to learning the intricacies of other systems. That's not even a job thing; it's downright fascinating and I am not here to receive arguments to the amount of "hurr hurr, you like romance!"

[He rolls his eyes, then returns to the serious look.]

Lastly, I'm not above more menial work if it comes down to it. So long as doing the job won't grind my think pan down into a fine paste to be extruded through the tiny holes of my auricular sponge clots, consider me open to the suggestion.

If you have questions, want details, shit like that, then go ahead and ask.

(OOC edit: In light of the plot development, I'm backdating this to yesterday, the 15th.)

Comments

[angermanaging]

[Being called his first name by a temperamental alien teenager is an odd experience, but Bruce accepts it without more than a mild, receptive look.]

When I got here, the turtle was pretty sick, [he explains.] It was uh, M, that was responsible, but we didn't know at the time. All the crops were dead, there was a foot shortage... [Half shrug.] Seemed pretty obvious to help with that.

a foot shortage, you say

[crabmunicator]

That? That's something else than this whole war business. If the turtle was sick and there was no food, helping is kind of inevitable since how do people survive otherwise?

But as it happened, I just got dumped here, didn't get a word from the Emperor, and then got told about the stupid war and everything else. Go fight Fuckface Darkfart, because he's generically evil! I am wholly willing to fight when I have reason, and to plot and plan against pointlessly destructive villains, but I need more reason than "Go do it." It's been the goal of a game where I served as leader, or because we'd die otherwise, or because the fabric of reality itself is at stake. "Wooo, mysterious bad guy" - [He makes waggly finger motions.] - does absolutely nothing for me.

[angermanaging]

It's not really something else, [he clarifies.] It was a... sort of like a skirmish before the real fighting.

If you want a reason, the Emperor said after it destroys this world, it'll move onto others. [Bruce is pretty level as he says that, though it's clear he isn't happy, with subtle tension around his eyes.] Here. [He sends the link over ICly.] That was probably before your time. Pretty instructive... if you believe her.

[Bruce doesn't indicate either way whether he does or not, but he's leaning on mostly yes right now.]

[crabmunicator]

[There's a good stretch of nothing from Karkat's end as he follows the link to listen to the Emperor. He's heard mention about the kedan, and other points aren't hugely important. The mention of a barrier neither surprises nor means much to him when he can't fly or swim.]

[When he does reply, it's with questions.]

A few things: What are Asti, Sinbrilee, and Konryu? And what's this about cloning facilities?

But you know what? Great. It's not enough for one reality-destroying bastard to be in my life! Nothing ever is, the way life keeps piling on the obstacles and complications at every turn, like I'm in some hurdle race and every time I fall on my face is excuse to set up like five more ahead of me. Do these douchebags ever get tired of mindless destruction? Because I am sick of fleeing this way or that or having to work against stupid odds for any hope against them, only for things to backfire in everyone's faces.

[angermanaging]

Asti is the name of Tu Vishan, [he clarifies.] The turtle. He introduced himself to a few people in dreams. Sinbrilee is… was his sister. We visited briefly, but she was killed a long time ago. Confirmed that it was M.

Konryu is probably the name of this world. Unconfirmed. [He’s just taking a guess on context there. Bruce intentionally avoids the NPCs here because he dislikes officials and attempts to stay under the radar, though that’s probably futile.

There’s a pause as he makes what he recognizes is probably a mistake in asking a question of his own.] This, uh… this has happened to you before? [It’s definitely a first for him.]

[crabmunicator]

[He nods along, committing the info to memory. It's important stuff, or could be.]

[The question gets an unattractive snort.]

Yes, it definitely has. I spent the last three years of my life hurtling through the afterlife-slash-weird-dream-place created by the many-tentacled beings that inhabit the edges of reality, all for the sake of escaping a murderous, invincible woofbeast demon bent on destruction and our death just for funsies.

[He wiggles his fingers in mock enthusiasm.]

Along said trip, we learned of an even worse demon who's not just out for blowing up planets and casual murder, but for the colorful laser-induced destruction of reality itself. I was going to join the alternate universe younger and funner version of our Empress as Grand Threshecutioner of her army against this demon, since it's not like my life was all moonlight and star sparkles living with a group of drama-soaked teenagers on the meteor and going through existential crises over meeting countless alternate dead versions of our teammates, but we failed to meet up again so it just didn't happen.

And all this? Is not even the whole of the ridiculous chutefuckery we've been through. We've gone through the apocalypse, the near-extinction of our species, a game in a different part of reality wherein we literally created a universe, only for our collective fuckups - especially mine - coming back to bite our asses in the form of the previously mentioned woofbeast demon.

And now, after our meteor journey has ended, it's with me and one of my friends personally chosen by our actual Empress to make a brand new universe for her where we can serve as slaves. How fucking grand!

[His hands shoot up in the air. Wooh. Look at all that joy.]

Considering the universe we did make earlier was literally a giant frog me and that friend bred together, not even the part where we're living on a turtle is big news to me. All of this, all of it, I have been through before in bigger, fancier ways than the local Emperor could even dream up. This is old hat and I'm not about to jump up sickle in hand at the chance to go through it again.

[angermanaging]

[Whoa. Karkat. Slow your roll there.

Bruce isn’t the type to interrupt if he doesn’t have to, though he’s gradually more and more bemused at this impromptu lecture. He hadn’t meant for a treatise in response to his question, but now he’s stuck with it. Karkat has a certain flair to his explanation that makes it oddly engaging, as much as Bruce tends not to care about other people’s life stories.]

I’m not sure how much of that I understood, [he says slowly,] but that’s… a lot. I can see why you’re—over it. [Bruce shakes his head briefly.] Maybe you can use your time here to come up with some plans for dealing with… everything.

[That’s what Bruce is doing, though he’s in the position of his problems having come with him. Whether he never gets home, is some kind of clone that has no home to go to, or ends up back in his original timestream, he’ll have the same set of problems regardless and he may as well use this as the opportunity it is.]

[crabmunicator]

[This roll don't slow for anyone, dude.]

Yes, "a lot" is definitely a way to put it. "Metric fucking assload" is another, and paints a clearer picture of what a pain it's been to go through.

I was already intending to do that, by the way. I'm not the kind of troll just go "oh well!" and shrug at my surroundings when there's shit to be done about it. I just haven't figured out where to start yet. But if you've been working on things, I'm willing to contribute if there's a spot where I can.

[angermanaging]

I don't have anything in... particular right now. [Nothing suitable for public involvement, anyway.]

I was thinking about looking into the rules governing death and resurrection here, but it's obviously difficult to test. I'd have to do a survey.

[He's not exactly jumping at the chance for widespread social interaction.]

[crabmunicator]

I was dead before I came here and they brought me back to life. How, I have no clue, but considering the whole life-death-dreaming deal it couldn't have been that difficult.

[He doesn't know about death being temporary here besides.]