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[After getting the lowdown from a rather nice lady, a very annoyed-looking young woman is staring balefully at the camera.]

Are you serious.

Are you serious.

Because people keep explaining this Life-Death-Dreaming thing to me and it sounds like bullshit. There are two planes I can be on and I’m apparently not on either of them and that is so much bullshit I have apparently been dropped into the former pasture of a hekatomb of oxen because what the hell.

Look. Look at this. [She holds up her journal with a helpful diagram of a stick figure, a vertical line, and another stick figure, and a double-sided arrow.] My soul can be Waking, or it can be Otherside, or it can occasionally be both at the same time because my life is a dumpster fire. Not this, okay? [She puts the journal down, raises her hand, and taps the labradorite ring she’s wearing.] My soul is not in a rock. Even if it’s a really pretty rock, and I know from pretty rocks.

[Frustratedly:] Like, oh my gods. Every single god I have ever met. All of them. Up to and including Inari-Ōkami. For the love of baby Jesus in his mangery crib. Put me back. I want to speak to the manager. Yeah. The spell manager.

Fix this, Obama.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Will she? Won't she?

Of course she will.]

Cheer up, emo kid.

Wait, are you a ginger? Don't buy into the propaganda. Gingers do in fact have souls.

You assume I need cheering. I was simply stating fact.

No, I am not a ginger. I'm also not human.

Maybe it's an IOU. What kind of rock is it?

I know a lot of nonhumans and they all have souls. Or something that passes for 'em, anyway. You'll have to be a little more specific than that.

A bloodstone, if I'm not mistaken.

I'm not human by virtue of not having a soul, so it's not something that's actually disputable. Vampire souls are bound to Hell, where I come from, and that's simply how things are.

You're a vampire?

[DO NOT DO IT, ALY.]

Do you sparkle?

Nah but for real, that's a serious downer. And I think the bloodstone is someone trying to be funny.

Mm, wait, you said you don't have a soul, but also vampires have souls? I'm confused. Break it down.

[Somewhere, Devin is rolling his eyes.]

I do not sparkle, unless I have occasion to wear a very fetching sequined jacket that was given to me as part of an op.

The moment a vampire is turned or, in exceptionally rare cases, born, their soul is taken from them and bound to Hell while they still live. They're attached, in some way, but the soul doesn't remain within the body.

Oh, okay, gotcha. I have some experience with that. [Constantly.]

Look, I had to ask. It was an important, legitimate question.

It was a question. It's importance is up for debate.

Ah, yes, your Waking and Otherside problem. How does that work, going between them?

Obnoxiously, that's how. [Like she's gonna tell some anonymous rando her secrets!]

Souls are weird, man.

Edited 2017-04-06 15:16 (UTC)

That they are. Obnoxiously sounds about right, honestly.

[There's not much point in staying anonymous since she'll probably find out who he is eventually, but he's going to keep holding out on that because why not.]

Which side of the divide did you meet gods on?

Not the Waking, which we can all be glad of. Bad things happen when anyone from there goes over properly. [Like that time with the Faerie Queen. THE WORST.]

So you gonna give me a name, or do I have to make one up?

Something similar happens in my world, under certain circumstances. We've got more than two 'locations' to worry about, however.

[Ah, well. She's asked, and Devin is not exactly shy. From what he can tell, there's no one here to make trouble for him, so there's not much point in giving her one of his many pseudonyms. He turns off the anonymity function.]

Devin. I'm not usually a fan of nicknames.

You should probably be glad you came clean, then. Otherwise I was gonna start calling you Sparky.

Wow, looks like my world's actually relatively uncomplicated. My condolences.

I supposed you would do as much.

It does have structure, at the very least; I'm simply not very fond of that structure. Too many single points of failure.

That's not a very good structure, then. Is that because someone's trying to test it to destruction? Because I find the only way to fix that is to test their kneecaps to destruction with the nearest hard object.

The part of the design I'm most familiar with was apparently intended to prevent destruction, and it's been working alright until recently. Someone or something is certainly interested in turning it all upside down as of late.

Sadly, demons do not always have kneecaps to destroy. But I'll keep that in mind the next time I meet one.

Mm, well, I know how that whole song and dance goes. Why must they always do this when we're the ones on duty? Can't they take a damn break for like, five minutes? Or forever? Forever would be nice.

Demons, huh? Neat. Can't say I've run into any of those.

There's nothing 'neat' about them. All they do is destroy and spread chaos and pain. It's what they're made to do.

Something something eternal vigilance.

Something something dark side.

Sounds like some people I know. Though I hesitate to call them "people".

Edited 2017-04-06 18:43 (UTC)

As do I, though they can do a damn good job of looking like a person.

Pity you've had to deal with their ilk; you don't seem like you've had enough years living free of such burdens.

Ohhh my God. Tell me about it.

Me, I'm lucky. Friend of mine's been putting up with this bullshit their whole life.

So have I.

And I could tell you about it, but I think there's certain subjects in what I have to share that are inappropriate for someone your age.

My condolences.

Try me. I've seen some shit.

It involves a lot of sex. It took me about two months to figure out what she was.

Let me give you your expected reaction, so you're not disappointed: EWWWW! SEX!!!!! MY VIRGIN EARS!!! WAAAAH!!!!!!!!!

Actual reaction: That's rough, buddy. Succubus?

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