tushanshu | 001

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001 | Video

[Hello everyone, have an unimpressed looking girl...in a bright yellow hazmat suit?]

Sooooo...Asianish fantasyworld, huh? Yeah, because that hasn't been done before. At least this seems to be a real place and not some offensive land of the stereotypical created for the amusement of the ignorant American masses. Because, seriously? Wow, whoever writes all that crap has to be some sort of nasty fetishist or something. No, sir, I will not be your precious yamato nadeshiko waifu nor am I a seductive kunoichi, so get lost.

[She lets out a disgusted sigh.]

Guess I was about due for this kind of thing to happen to me. Can't be a superhero without weird stuff like time travel and alternate universes and dying only to come back to life later...

Does anyone know who among us "foreigners" has been here the longest? Totally okay with all the room I've got to myself around here, but that's not enough to buy my approval when it comes to the idea of staying.

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[Don't mind him he's staring

also he sort of looks like a scruffy unshaven hobo at the moment, don't mind him.]

-- Dude, what? Of all the people I know that could get dragged here I got the one voted Most Likely To Star In Tentacle Porn?

Seriously?

[But there's no amount of hiding or bullshit rhetoric that could hide how stupidly, stupidly relieved he is to see her. Seriously this is about five seconds away from being a Kodak moment.]

[Hmmm, she's a bit conflicted on how to feel about this, but she can't help but be glad for at least the familiarity that comes with seeing one of her teammates.

She gives him A Look™ before replying in a fake, sickeningly-sweet kind of tone.]

Well, I can't say you're the first person to come to mind when I think "who would I like to be trapped on a freaky dimensional bullshit island with?"

If you'd rather have Justin Bieber I'm pretty sure I'm gonna puke.

[When did he start giving a shit about having teammates he actually doesn't know. But-- this next bit's important, so...]

Look, whatever, you're here, congratulations you win a new car and all that. What's the last thing you did back home?

I am no Belieber. [Now, Dazzler, on the other hand...] But you know, my boyfriend or someone useful like Finesse might be nice.

Played flag football with some of the X-kids.

Seven months, sweetheart. That's the shelf life of the firstcomers, give or take a few hours.

[Tony's eyeing that suit with a bit of interest after that zombie scare on the network a week back.]

The question I'd be asking is what our expected half life is here.

Boyfr--

[holy shit what.

EXCUSE

HIM

he's back to staring.]

-- Okay, first of all, I'm perfectly useful and a lot less stick-up-the-unmentionables than that Ice Queen, and second-- boyfriend? Are you high? Who can even da--

['date you without dying horribly nbd'. But then he sort of trails off and... yep there's the lightbulb.]

Mettle? Are you serious?

[Oh god, Tony Stark is here too, but the news he has for her is a bit too concerning to comment on that just yet.]

Seven months?! Are you kidding me? Ugh, screw that.

If you've got any other useful info, spill.

[ There's a hopeful look on his face when he sees this, or as hopeful as he can get. He was probably a little overeager, too, considering he still wasn't wary of his status with those on Earth.

Still, if only for a short time, this had been one of his students at the Academy. Then again, he was probably forgetting he was masked the entire time there. ]

I'm not sure who has been here the longest, having only been here a few weeks, myself.

[ Awkward as he was, though. ] It is nice to see a semi-familiar face.

( ooc; Jennifer may not remember Noh, but he made an appearance, teaching a class in AA #10 or #11. )

Uhhhhh yeah, we've been together for awhile now, dude. What, did they mess with your memory or is there some time crap going on?

[Alive and in person. Sort of. Don't worry, he offers weekly autograph sessions.]

The figures don't lie, so why would I.

[Have one of his dashing smiles with that gem.]

Ah-ah-ah. [He shakes a finger at her.] Didn't your mother teach you the magic word?

[he just groans in abject misery.]

Time crap.

-- Wait. You didn't get kicked out? After Hood?

Wow, you really are behind. No, I didn't, no one did. Except this weird alien kid that tried to kill a bunch of us and use some of the others for cliche alien babymaking purposes.

[HANDS IN THE AIR LIKE HE JUS' DON'T CARE

except that's not true at all he cares a lot

And he really doesn't like being behind.]

I miss all the good shit.

[She doesn't recognize him immediately, now that he's out of the costume, but if she got his name she'd know who he was.]

Sorry if this is apparently a nice little reunion for you, but...who are you?

Do a guest class at the Academy and maybe you can get Pym to force a please out of me.

[She has...no idea that you're not her universe's Tony, of course.]

Seems like it.

So, been here long enough to come out yet?

[Tact, what is it.]

[choke.]

Jen!

What? Lying to yourself isn't going to get you anywhere, Brandon. Neither is lying to us. With you and the rainbow lesbian that joins up later, Avengers Academy practically turned into a gay-straight alliance.

Don't know a Pym or an Academy with that particular brand of uniform.

[KANYE SHRUG.]

Try another name drop and maybe you'll get lucky.

[ ... He was a little sobered by that. ]

I was Protector for a while, with the Avengers. Now I am just Noh-Varr.

[...Well, that's great.]

You're Tony Stark. And you're telling me you don't know who Ant-Man is? Or maybe Giant Man. He has way too many superhero codenames for one person.

What about Captain America? You know, the man you fly around hugging all super gay-like.

That isn't--

[Jesus what. How did that even happen?

But it did happen. And it wasn't the end of the world. And he-- has no idea how to feel about that. Or even what to feel.

Especially since Hazmat's like. The actual last person on the planet he'd even want to talk to about this. God, what did his mom think?

Okay, deep breath, Brandon. He drags a hand through his hair and (tries not to think about how he should probably wash it) and just. Gestures at the camera with some futility.]

Look, whatever, that's great and all. Horray, I'm stoked. Bring on the dick. But only a couple people here actually know and I'd really appreciate it if you kept this one under your whole fashion atrocity helmet. Please.

[And there's the lightbulb going off in her head.]

So am I missing something, or did you just forget that you're not wearing spandex right now?

Why? Is this place full of homophobes or something?

[It's the thing with Julie all over again, oh no...]

I'm Tony Stark. [And he's all too happy to confirm that.] But there's no way I'd admit knowing someone with a codename that uninspired.

[Because, Ant-Man? Really? But that tells him a lot about what's going on back in her world that's not happening in his.]

Cap's another deal. He's thawed out and kicking, but we've got a strict no-flight policy. It's a bit -- [Pause for effect or politically correct phrasing?] -- off his tastes.

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