001 ● VIDEO

[sureisaguy]

[ The video feed loads and Mikey comes into view, frowning in concentration with his tongue sticking out. Computers are not his best subject. After about ten seconds he seems to realize that he's broadcasting and leans in, grabbing the console screen as if he can see everyone if he just gets close enough. ]

Uhhh... hello? This thing on?

[ He waves a two-fingered hand in front of the camera and sits back slightly. ]

So um, anyone know if this turtle gets DSL? 'Cause I gotta send a word back to my bros and I can't find the internet thingy on this computer.

[ Squinting at the console, a look of understanding dawns on his face. ]

Ohhhh what if I press--

Comments

[video]

[hackingyoursensors]

[Hi there have a totally unsurprised human. 'sup turtlebro?]

No way to call home, sorry. No DSL, no post office, not even carrier pigeons.

By the way, might want to brace yourself for the "turtle on a turtle" jokes.

[video]

[sureisaguy]

Seriously? Dude, that is lame.

[ Oh my god. Mikey is talking to a human and the human isn't freaking out this is so awesome. ]

I guess when you're sitting on the back of a giant turtle it's kinda hard to be surprised by talking ninja mutant turtles, huh?

[ Secrets? What are secrets? ]

[video]

[hackingyoursensors]

I know, right? One of the foreigners here is working on cellphones but this is pretty much all we have for a network.

[He smiles]

Pretty much. And I'm from Gotham: I'm used to weird.

[video]

[sureisaguy]

[ Okay. Okay this is awesome. This is so awesome Mikey might actually vibrate his way clean through the floor. ]

No way. That is SO cool.

[ He has absolutely no idea where Gotham is and whether or not it'd be cool. ]

[video]

[hackingyoursensors]

Sometimes. And sometimes someone is attacking the city with an ice gun.

[video]

[sureisaguy]

[ What. ]

An ice gun?

COOOOOOOOOOL.

[video]

[hackingyoursensors]

You know, I should've seen that pun coming.

[video]

[sureisaguy]

[ Mikey takes a sweeping bow to his digital audience. ]

Thank you, thank you, don't forget to tip your server.

[video]

[hackingyoursensors]

[Applause!]

I'm Dick, by the way. Dick Grayson.

[video]

[sureisaguy]

Pfffffffffffffffffffft!

[ Sorry, Mikey is immature even for a fifteen year old. ]

[video]

[hackingyoursensors]

[And Dick's been through middle school. It's okay.]

Alright, if you can tell me a joke about my name that I've never heard, I'll let that slide.

[video]

[sureisaguy]

[ And that's where he's got Mikey. Because while dick jokes are hilarious, he doesn't actually know any. Splinter would absolutely pitch a fit if he heard him reciting any. ]

I'm--

[ snicker ]

--Michelangelo. Call me Mikey.

Re: [video]

[hackingyoursensors]

[That's what he thought.]

Nice to meet you, Mikey.

Has everyone else given you the ins and outs of Tu Vishan?

[video]

[sureisaguy]

[ SNEEEEEEEERK INS AND OUTS

This is going to be a difficult conversation. ]

Ha-- um, that. That he's--

[ Mikey bites his lip and swallows a giggle because yes he really is that childish. Okay c'mon son, get it together. ]

He's a giant turtle. Like, even bigger than Raph.

Re: [video]

[hackingyoursensors]

[You're even worse than Wally, Mikey.]

Just a little. So I take it you've found your brothers?

[video]

[sureisaguy]

[ It's all over when they meet. Aaaaall over. ]

Some of 'em, yeah.

Donnie's gone missing though, we're still trying to find him.

[video]

[hackingyoursensors]

Sorry to hear that. He might've gone back home-- that happens sometimes.

[video]

[sureisaguy]

[ But in Mikey's mind, if he's gone home then that means he's without his brothers and that's unacceptable. ]

Nah, he does this all the time. Gets all excited about some weird science thing and forgets about everything else. Sometimes we even have to bring him pizza to make him eat.

[ Look at him deny that possibility like a pro. ]

[video]

[hackingyoursensors]

[It's okay, Dick will let you have your denial.]

Mad scientist? I'll keep a lookout.

[video]

[sureisaguy]

Oh totally, he's like, one lightning storm away from building Frankenstein.

[ Seriously. Metalhead was a badass robot, not quite an AI but damn close. It's only a hop, skip and a jump to "IT LIIIIIVES!" ]

[video]

[hackingyoursensors]

Luckily, we don't get too many of those.

People come back from the dead anyway, so he wouldn't be doing anything that hasn't already been done.

[video]

[sureisaguy]

...they do what now?

[video]

[hackingyoursensors]

Something-- probably the Emperor's hocus pocus-- brings people back from the dead. Some so-called foreigners found a cloning facility on the underside of the turtle.

[video]

[sureisaguy]

No. Way.

[ Uh oh. Now Mikey can be even more reckless than he usually is! ]

[audio | private; basic encryption]

[anything_it_takes]

[Yes hello Leo stalks all of his brothers' activity. Don't mind him, this is just the first he's heard of this particular wrinkle.]

So, you think they resurrected people using those cloned bodies.

[That's a disturbingly rational conclusion, even if Leo can't fathom how they transfer memories and personalities, let alone old scars.]