Video ★ Trouble with Tribbles, pt. 2

[asouthron]

[ McCoy does his best to look dignified despite the terrible and shameful embarrassment he feels inside having to publicly announce this ridiculous emergency. It doesn't help matters that his desk is covered in soft, cute little creatures that are softly trilling all around. ]

This is Leonard McCoy, Chief Medical Officer of the USS Enterprise. [ Yes, he's emphasizing that just so people take his warnings seriously as a highly-esteemed medical professional! And his affiliation with Jim can't hurt. Or can it? Oh God how many people actually like James T. Kirk? Shit Shiiit! ]

As some of you may have noticed, there's been a... contaminate leak in the Fire Sector. A foreign body escaped its... confines [ Fridge ] and has started multiplyin' at an excessive rate. [ And by excessive, he means the world is literally exploding with furballs. ] For those of you not in the Sector, they look like this [ He dutifully points to the puffballs on his desk. ]

Don't be alarmed! They're extremely docile, but in an unfamiliar and stressful environment, they begin to breed rapidly. Our Science Officer has calculated that they breed about every twelve hours [ 11.784 hours, but like hell McCoy is giving Spock the satisfaction of accurate fractions! ], producing anywhere from 8 to 12 at a time. Anyone with any kinda math skill can see that's a huge damn problem!

The best way to keep those furbags from eatin' you outta house and home and food is puttin' 'em on ice. It won't kill 'em, but it'll stop reproduction and slow down their life cycle.

If you have any questions, contact me or any StarFleet officer nearest you [ McCoy, Spock, or Jim will be more than happy to be assaulted by your questions. ]

McCoy out.


((ooc: For more information on the event, character plots, questions, or concerns, check out the OOC coordination post here ))

Comments

video; open to everyone

[jirk]

[Jim is remarkably bright-eyed and bushy tailed for someone dealing with a tribblefestation! He's wearing his customary uniform and he is. Trying and failing to look completely 100 percent serious, but only because McCoy's distress is so hilarious he can't contain himself.

IN ANY EVENT, he clears his throat.]

Okay, for the record? I had nothing to do with this.

[ACTUALLY TRUE FOR ONCE IN HIS LIFE.]

But if anyone needs me to answer questions or help with containment, now's your chance to ask nicely.

[asouthron]

Ha! That's what I'd be sayin' if I were you

Video;

[backinakidflash]

Yeah. Um. About it just being the Fire Sector.

[Bart leans over and scoops up the nearest two on the floor.]

Not so much.

[asouthron]

[ SIIIGHS. Such a heavy resigned sigh. ]

Yeah, I'm not surprised. They're gonna take over this whole damn turtle soon if we don't stop 'em...

video;

[cons]

[ SQUINT ]

That's a tribble, right?

[ neeeeerrrrdddd ]

[asouthron]

Oh, you know 'em? Well, I hate to tell ya but yer gonna be relivin' the nightmare.

Video

[parallels]

Speak of the devil.

[Kirk was just telling her about tribbles a week or so ago. Now she's sitting at her console and patting one on the head cheerfully. Honestly, she knows they can be dangerous but it's really amusing watching this guy freak out about balls of fur.]

Video

[asouthron]

[ Wait what? Is Spock here--? Oh. ]

... I see you've made a friend.

[ Bones is just SO THRILLED for you :| Really. ]

video

[justlittle]

Are they hostile? Or even sentient? [Bean asks the important questions, mkay?]

video

[asouthron]

Nah, like I said, they're completely docile. You could play hacky sack with 'em and they wouldn't care.

Sentient, though... Not likely. They have very little higher brain functions outside the realm of eat and breed.

video;

[storm_warning]

You'd want to put those cuties on ice?

[Look: She can do it, but they're adorable.]

Seems a bit mean. They're stressed out? Cuddle them. I bet that'd work.

video;

[asouthron]

Cuddlin' them doesn't make 'em stop breedin'. They'll jes breed more slowly, which really doesn't mean a whole lot in the scheme of things!

Don't worry. Putting them in your refrigerator won't hurt 'em. They just get a lil' sluggish.

[video]

[littlecousin]

[It's a Spock-eared blond woman with a very un-Spock expression of distaste on her face.]

What's that noise?

[Atlantean nervous system: not susceptible to tribble vibes, apparently.]

[video]

[asouthron]

Sound--? Oh, yeah. That.

It seems to play havoc with a person's nervous system, sort of like a release of endorphins to the brain. Makes humans all happy and sh--

[ He eventually finds the grace to stop being a rambling idiot. ]

.... I'm guessin' yer not human then. [ Not with that unhappy scowl. Or those ears. The hell? Was she Romulan? ]

video;

[sciencewhizard]

Uhm. 8 to 12. Every 12 hours. Please tell me those things are limited to breeding once per lifetime. [ It doesn't help things much, but good lord. ]

video;

[asouthron]

Probably in their natural environment [ All those lizard monsters need to eat more than every twelve hours. Doesn't leave room for second tries. ] Here? I have no damn idea. They're life cycles are rather short, though...

[ Postulating isn't one of McCoy's favorite past-times, but he doesn't have much choice. SIGH. ]

video

[escarabajo]

[He's seen this episode. Oh god why is this happening.]

What happens when we run outta ice?

video

[asouthron]

Then we bring in the fire... Hopefully they don't taste too gamy on the spit.

[ It'd be funny if he isn't serious, but... ]

[mopirates_moproblems]

[James can do math, and he's also used to living at sea, in close quarters -- which on a large scale, is exactly what Tu Vishan is to them.]

Good lord, we'll be over-run in days.

[asouthron]

Exactly! Believe me, it's not gonna be pretty...

[ And here he thought it would take a few days before he has his first heart attack on this planet. And it's not because of Jim. Huh. ]

[afirewithfashion]

[Cinna found one. It's in his lap, trilling, contented little bugger.]

They're very soothing.

[This is like, the best thing to happen to him in a few years.]

[asouthron]

Yeah, that's half the problem. They get you all compliant, and then by the time you realize it, yer already dyin' of suffocation from a mass of furballs!

Don't make that mistake.

[Video]

[fuzzyelf]

[Having friends that make you watch things you have no interest in has been something Kurt has suffered. It was years ago so this is a wonderful refresher and when he responds he's frowning.]

Well this is wonderful. Thanks for the heads up and some sort of solution.

[Video]

[asouthron]

[ McCoy's gonna narrow his eyes at you until he figures out if you're mocking him or just really odd. You, odd because you're being genuine. It's not something he encounters a lot, okay?! ]

Well, it isn't optimal by any means, but we gotta do the best we can with what we've got. [ Which is a whole lotta nothing. And that is scaring the shit out of McCoy. ]

video;

[build]

Where exactly do they come from?

video;

[asouthron]

[ Y u gotta do this? Y u gotta ask these kinda questions? ]

..... I forgot the name of the p--you know, area, but they are kept in check by a lot of predators that pretty much eat more than their body weight in tribbles on a daily basis.

Video

[liveagain]

I take it, it would be frowned upon to keep one as a pet? [She drops her chin into her hand as she asks. can't hurt to be clear since they look an awful lot like hamsters to her.]

Video

[asouthron]

How responsible are you? [ Are you old enough to be left alone without parental supervision?! If not, then NO TRIBBLE FOR YOU! They are too much for kidlets to handle! ]

Look, I don't really care, but you gotta make sure it doesn't keep breedin'!

video;

[relentlesstide]

So you brought a highly invasive species here with you, and then let it out into an already fragile ecosystem still struggling to support the life already here?

Also I concur with Nita. That noise is awful.

video;

[asouthron]

Don't lecture me on the functions of an ecosystem, smart ass! I am a doctor! [ Ooo, he is so not in the mood sass that isn't his rn! ]

Besides, I'm not the one that let it escape. I had it perfectly contained until some ass let it out! [ He is not taking the fall for this one, Jim! ]

video;

[wintershepherd]

[ Jack is holding one of the tribbles by the scruff of... some part of its body. It doesn't seem to mind, so Jack addresses the man making the post though, having never talked to this person yet, doesn't know if McCoy will be able to see or hear him. ]

Aww, they're kind of adorable though! I can put them on ice but c'mon, what'd they ever do to deserve that? Can't blame them for being what they are, right?

video; SOBBU MAKE HIM BELIEVE /o/

[asouthron]

[ McCoy is just sort of... staring at the feed, expecting, you know, something to happen besides looking at a frickin' tribble. Yeah, he's seen them before, buddy! Nothing new! ]

... Hello?!

[audio]

[gathersnomoss]

Are they edible, or are they just fur and offal?

[A shame Lina and Gourry aren't here; if tribble tastes good, they could probably eat them fast enough to actually deplete the population for a bit.]

[audio]

[asouthron]

Well, its natural predators eat 'em, so... There's gotta be some kinda meat on 'em. Can't say I've had the pleasure of tryin'! You know, busy and all...

[not here]

[ihope]

[But he's monitoring this, and the name Leonard McCoy is committed to memory.]

video

[refusing]

[Rose is all smiles and amusement, despite the fact this is probably serious. Oh look! She has a little furball of her very own, and it's sitting right on her lap as she addresses McCoy.]

So...you work with Jim, then?

[Yeah, she doesn't bother addressing the issue at hand just yet, she'll ease into that after some casual conversation and introductions.]

Spock too.

video

[asouthron]

God help me, yes...

[ IS THERE A POINT TO THIS TORTURE, ROSE?! ]

[Video forever]

[faceofbeau]

[He'll be honest- he still has no idea how they got into his suite, because he definitely wouldn't have taken them home himself, cute or not. He'll also admit that he wasn't sure whether to be annoyed or amused when he found the first one cooing away in one of the pockets of his greatcoat that morning. Twelve hours, a new litter, and one frantic post from a seemingly knowledgeable doctor later, he's leaning toward mildly amused concern. But it's early still.]

It looks like you've already been alerted, but they're not just in the Fire Sector anymore. [His coat is still cooing, draped behind Jack, and there's a couple patches of fur visible on his desk. He's not petting them.] The math you've laid down seems pretty dire, and just from what I'm seeing on the network, the wide spread of locations seems bad as well. Is freezing them the only option?

[Because, if worst comes to worst, Jack's not opposed to more stringent methods. Not that he'll come out and say that, not yet at least.]

[Video forever]

[asouthron]

Yeah I can see that... [ Seriously, why aren't you people as freaked out about this as he is? Is taking crazy pills here?! ]

Well, no, not the only option, but I'd like to keep mass genocide as a last resort if ya don't mind...

And unless technology finally decided to pop back into the twenty-third century when I wasn't lookin', we can't do much more than slow their metabolism. Look, it won't kill them, it'll just... Keep 'em under control until we figure what the hell to do with all of 'em.

[chiot]

Look fine to me, huh? [ He'd been outside near the fire sector, but you're damn right Gavroche took one home and is currently holding it up to the video. ] Kinda cute, huh? Lke, summin' that gets in the Seine, but less dirty an' more cute.

[asouthron]

Jesus, kid... [ And people tell him he's hard to understand. ] Cute or not, they're a menace. Clutchin' to it isn't gonna help anyone! If yer gonna keep it, at least put it on ice when yer not... whatever it is yer doin'.

video

[una_persson]

[Una is significantly more put-together than when McCoy might have last seen her, when she'd forgotten that she'd let Jim log in to her console earlier or something like that.]

Sorry I didn't introduce myself earlier. I'm Una.

What needs doing? I don't think they've made it to the Wood sector yet. Is there any way to stop them, apart from ... oh, I don't know, search and seizure?

video

[asouthron]

Everythin'--Anythin'! There's seems to be a real lack of initiative around here... [ Life was nice when his best friend could just whistle and make four hundred people dance to the tune. ]

At this rate we'll hafta start cullin' 'em. There just isn't enough cold storage for all of 'em, damnit.

audio;

[everylittlegirl]

Is there any way to spay them?

audio;

[asouthron]

Unless yer in possession of some serious lab tech and about a thousand hands, there's no way to control this, surgically or chemically. The birth rate is just too fast...

Video

[heartofgraces]

...Is it bad for creatures that eat them?

[Because he's been kind of watching a swizard eat the fuck out of these tribbles all day and even so he still has one sitting on his desk and trilling innocently. in fact, in the back of Asbel's video, you can see a small-esque swan-wizard-mule-monstrosity swallowing a tribble whole. ...Enjoy your nightmares, Bones.]

You said they were docile but what exactly is it they eat?

Video

[asouthron]

Can't really say, never had the grand opportunity to study how well predators digest furballs. Wasn't a high priority at the time...

[ Well, Asbel will be eating them things right along with those swizards if they don't get these bastards under control. ]

I don't exactly have a list on me right now, but we know they are herbivorous... Perhaps omnivorous, but I can't say for sure... Regardless, if it can digest it, it's gonna eat it and lots of it!

late video is late

[spiderkid]

First Captain Kirk, now tribbles? This place is awesome!

I, uh, can help with containment.

late video is late

[asouthron]

[ Oh great. An Admirer. This is Bones' lucky goddamn day. ]

Yeah? Well, by all means, kid. The more, the merrier. [ No, seriously. HOP TO IT! Make hay while the sun's shinin'! Or... Actually, get rid of the hay while the sun's shinin'. ] Cold storage is gonna be your best bet, until that's full up.