tushanshu | Joint Post: We're not sorry

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Joint Post: We're not sorry

[ITP: Both boys are in civvies. Bart's words and actions are in red, and Kon's are in black for the sake of clarity. Also, assuming Bart picked up a pregnant tribble that gave birth when he returned home last night, he has nearly 1500 tribbles in his apartment.]

[The video shows nothing but multicolored fur. The pile of tribbles is going down fast, and, eventually, Bart Allen is on screen. He is vibrating the tribbles into a sealed box with a few teeny airholes in it. There are more tribbles scattered around the room behind him.]

Ok. These tribbles don't play around. The first one did the whole miracle of life performance last night. There was a baby boom by the time I woke up this morning, and we just made it through like the Big Bang of Birth.

[During the time that Bart is zooming around, putting away tribbles, there's a mutter over the sound coming from the tribbles. Kon comes into view, shuffling in the background and holding a few of the little critters. He's singing and only getting louder.]

Like a true natures child, we were born, born to be wild! We can climb so high I never wanna die! Born to be wiiiiild! Boooorn to be wiiiild

[He's practically yelling the last parts and drawing out the last 'wild' as he drops the tribbles he was holding and breaks open the box Bart had just but them in.]

We've got a major infestation going at ME-3B. There's no way they're gonna -

[Bart has been attempting to talk over the singing in a normal tone, but, by the time Kon hits the word 'die', Bart has given up and quietly waited it out. A silent Bart is never a good sign.

Go! Be free! Be wild my fuzzy little brethren! Escape the box of oppression and go! [He's standing with his arms thrown up in the air and a very large grin on his face.]

[When he hears the shrrrrip of the box ripping, Bart whips around seat and watches the tribbles fall to the ground in slow motion.]

Oh, that tears it.

[Bart's gone upstairs in a blur, and no time later tribbles come flying down the stairs. Dozens of the flea rags join the ones already visible in the room with every passing frame. After a second, the closet door whips open so hard the knob dents the wall. The heaps of tribbles deplete faster than they appeared, the door slams shut, and Bart is leaning against it, one hand gripping either side of the door frame.]

[Kon was still downstairs and suddenly he's knocked to the ground by the sudden avalanche of tribbles, letting out an undignified yelp as he does so. He's sat on the floor and rubbing his head as he tilts his head back to look at Bart with an even bigger grin.]

KON. If you free the tribbles again, I'll swap your hair gel for crazy glue!

Dude, that's just totally uncalled for! You're locking them up, they didn't do anything. False imprisonment! Animal cruelty!

[As he's talking though he's also holding up three fingers as if he's doing some kind of salute. It was meant to be a promise but he can't be bothered to add that part vocally. And let's be honest, he's not going to be keeping it.]

It's not animal cruelty! It's speedster protection! Theyateallmyfood!

[Though he does get to his feet and plops himself on the chair Bart had been sitting in before and points to the camera and then to Bart.]

He's a fuzzball hater. And he's cruel.

I am not!

[Kon spins once on the seat and stops to face Bart.]

So lame dude.

[Bart makes his way back over, stooping a few times to pick up strays that he missed. He shoves them at Kon and leans past him to get back to the matter at hand, ignoring what Kon is saying simultaneously. FOR NOW.]

You should get more food for the tribbles.

If anyone has any ideas that don't involve the words 'flea circus for giants', I'm all ears. Clock's ticking. I don't want to know what happens to the closet tomorrow morning.

[Kon moves the chair back as he looks at the tribbles now in his lap and spins. Muttering something about 'expecting you Mister Allen'. As Bart is talking he looks up quickly with a huffy expression, eyes narrowing.]

Uuuuh best idea ever! Don't even deny it!

If I get more, they're gonna EAT MORE, Dr. No. And we are not making a flea circus!

[Kon looks to the screen.] Best idea ever, right?

We should totally check to see what's happening in the closet right now! Maybe they've already multiplied. Let's see!

[The closet doors rattle a little.]

[Bart's does a slow turn towards the ominously shaking door. Impossible.]

The old guy said every twelve hours. They just finished spawning. I think they finished. Not gonna lie, I stopped counting at 500. I've. Gotta do something about this. Wrap it up asking for help over there. Get Tim's attention. And. I don't even know who else. Kyle's good for weird shit, right?

[Bart's gone that fast.]

They are way better than Krypto. [And he means Krypto as in the small dog he had back in Hawaii that basically hated him. It was mutual though. So tribbles? Waaaaay better.

So Kon is left alone and he huffs, rolling his eyes and looks to the screen.]

Heeeeey! [He waves his hands which will blur for people watching.] I guess someone has to come over here before Bart bursts a blood vessel or something. Eff Why eye, not my fault.

[Bart blurs to a stop in front of the closet in time to hear that someone is gonna burst a blood vessel. He's carrying large flakes of shed shell that feel surprisingly sturdy. Bart nails them in place over the door, blurring like a cartoon cat that doesn't realize that Pepe LePeu is already behind them.]

This is S.S Awesome Teens, Maydaymayday.

[When Bart's done, he puts his back against the door and slides down it, his legs slightly bent at the knees and spread into a V. He shakes his head at Kon's back before his eyes focus on the cameea. He spins his index finger around beside his temple in what he's hoping is the truly universal sign for crazy and mouths 'help me.']

[Both boys will be using Bart's console to respond.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

See, I'm getting mixed messages here. One's a yay and the other's a nay. Got a third party to break the tie?

They aren't doing anything?

Kon, if they all have babies again in the morning there's going to be thousands of them!

[Bart turns back to the console.]

I like having the ROOF still on this place more than I like the closet. Welcome to the conversation, Traci. You're the third party.

So? [He doesn't see the problem in that.]

Their only crime is having loads of babies and being soft. You're a softist, aren't you? God! I can never have anything nice.

[She did not sign up for marriage counseling. Guys.]

I... will wisely stay out of this and let you two hash it out. [Wow, he's high isn't he?]

Do you two need some time alone?

What? You can't bail on me! I HAVE A CLOSET FULL OF TRIBBLES. Do not bail on me here!

[He blinks.]

Why do I think you mean something else?

Those poor tribbles all locked up. [He's looking longingly over at the closet.]

[The feed is still running for this.]

Don't even think about it, bro. Stay out of my closet.

[Kon is probably the mom in this scenario. It's like watching a soap with their hundreds of adopted kids. Dalmatians. Tribbles.]

I have no idea what you mean. [Don't think so hard on it Bart. And look! She hasn't abandoned you... yet.]

I feel for you, honest. It's just that if they multiply more, they might uh-- [Think Traci think.] Well, imagine if people who weren't nice at all found them. What do you think might happen?

[But your closet is full of fuzz.]

Maybe if I open it and go through, I'll find Narnia. [Which was totally meant to be thought in his head, not spoken out loud. He doesn't look sorry, only turns to Bart and raises a brow. He then turns to look at Traci, still with the brow raised.]

They might try to freeze them. Or shove them in a closet.

Or eat them for dinner. Those could pass off as rations for people if they start thinking that. [Not that she would.]

[Bart snatches one of the tribbles from Kon and hugs it to him.]

Nobody eats Gonzalez for dinner!

Oh sure, now you're fine with them!

[He sighs.]

I can hear them calling.

[... BART.]

Remember that part where I mentioned mixed messages?

[He can't always help it! He's still human, they're still tribbles, and they're just so fluffy. He catches himself snuggling the tribble and looks horrified, sets it gingerly back on the table where it starts to trill loudly for attention.]

I have. No idea what just happened there. I had to pick it up.

Make up your mind, either you wanna keep 'em around and cuddle them, or you want to freeze them cause you suck.

Seconded. Blue's headed over, by the way, and so am I. If you've reached a consensus by then, let me know.

[Jaime manages to make it to their place before Traci-- thanks, wings-- and... has way underestimated the tribble population.]

Wow. Um.

They're... actually way cuter in person.

[Not even the Scarab can resist, because apparently, the Reach has never built up an immunity to little fluffy menaces. He reaches down to pet one.]

[Bart gives up now. Seriously. Call in the Justice League, because Blue Beetle is petting the tribbles. He falls into the couch, and there's a hissing sound because, yes, there it is. Bart pulls a deep mahogany colored tribble out from under the cushions. He sits there with it on his lap, idly petting it.]

We are so, so screwed.

[Traci takes her sweet time-- well, okay, not so sweet because she appears like a minute after Jaime does with a pop, landing barefoot on the couch and looking around just to make sure she got the right place.

Well, she didn't say she was going to walk.]

I'm here! Is everything still intact? [A pause when she notices... well, everyone. Kon's high, Jaime's hopefully not following after but he's petting a tribble and Bart... is on the couch she had landed on. Oh, okay, she needs to work on that landing.] Um...

[Kon looks over when Jaime appears. He hasn't seen the Beetle suit yet so he gasps.]

Holy crap that is so cool! Can I have a shot? [Somehow not really clicking it's attached. He then jumps when Traci appears because it was sudden and not what he expected.]

Oh sweet, we have enough people for a small party. We should have one.

[Jaime straightens up quickly-- RIGHT. Attending to... these.]

Sorry, sorry!

You don't think it'll hurt them to freeze them, will it? The Scarab's really against it, getting to see them in person, but if we have to, I mean...

[Jaime, do you need a moment with these tribbles?]

We can have a party later. [You know, when everything's frozen.] Time to work? Unless anyone has objections.

I have objections. But I don't really have a plan B so... gimme a sec.

[Bart zips around gathering stray tribbles and comes to a stop in front of the closet, standing on tiptoe to vibrate them into the veeeery top of it.

The only ones left free in the room are in the possession of Blue Beetle and Superboy. Bart looks slowly between them.]

Guys?

[He gives the tribble in his hand one last apologetic look before setting it down with the rest of its brothers.]

Sorry, chulito. It's for your own good.

[Kon looks around at everyone and then shakes his head as he makes a beeline for the closet. Holding a tribble close to him and throwing his other arm out, acting like a barricade.]

No way, you gotta go through me if you wanna get to them!

Joint Post: We're not sorry

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