tushanshu | [002] [Video, no mask] So, about that aging thing...

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[002] [Video, no mask] So, about that aging thing...

Have we ever worked out whether or not we're aging here?

Asking for a friend.

[No, he's asking because his birthday has passed without having to have a party. Yes, the slightly smug look on his face is for you, Bruce. Enjoy.]

[Private to Kon, 75% Encryption]

I hear you're going to school me in chess.

[Yes, Dinah, he uses 'schooled.']

[Text to Dick]

you've got mail

[It's the flash drive again. Updated. More codes, weird number games, a few jokes from the Teen Titans about Batman, and part of a video of Bart driving the Batmobile with text scrolling across the bottom. "Don't let this happen to you."]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Tim frowns slightly in confusion at Bart, because shouldn't Max get an honorable mention, too, if he's counting every Flash adult ever?

He laughs at Bart's mention of faked transcripts, though.]

Hey, if you get them to agree, I can definitely help with that. I'm pretty good at forging realistic paperwork.

[Oh, Max was being counted. It's actually Barry that he thinks wouldn't notice. Max is the main reason why Bart hasn't pressed, because he's pretty sure that Max would never forgive him for dropping out, and if going to high school is the price he pays for having Max back, well, Bart would make that trade any day.

Bart sighs.]

Yeah, it's the agreeing part that's not gonna happen. How did you get yours to let you go the emancipated minor route? I mean, I know about... [He waves a hand in lieu of saying 'Bruce died'] But you turned 18 yesterday, which means he was fine and anyway Dick was around in the meantime. Did you pull out a pocketwatch and start hypnotizing people? 'Tim has always been emancipaaateeeed'.

Well, I did get the paperwork started when I was in Bludhaven, but that was... kind of a completely different situation.

[Regarding a fake uncle and a whole lot of other stuff.]

And at the time Dick kind of had his hands full with the new kid, and no one but me thought Bruce was coming back, and we had to deal with Hush, so. [He shrugs.] The hypnosis was easy in comparison.

Plus, you're kinda an easier sell as 'able to take care of himself' before a judge. What with everything being all this-is-here, that-is-there.

[Bart is miming two little boxes with his hands and putting them off to his left and then his right. It's his completely non-sensical, outdoor and in public way of saying that he's always managed to keep both personae extremely separate. Overlap is at a minimum, where Bart just overlaps them all over the place.]

Not trying to say you're anal or OCD. Intensely together is how I'd put it.

[It's a good thing Tim gets Bart-speak, because otherwise that probably wouldn't make a ton of sense. He grins a little at that.]

'Intensely together.' I think I like that.

[Excuse you, Tim. That makes all kinds of incognito sense. Bart's brilliance is so under appreciated. ]

Yeah. It's the only way I can think of that doesn't make you sound crazy or boring.

[They come up to a merchant, and Bart's distracted by the stall.]

Finding substitutes would be a lot easier if I could throw our the mental link between sight and taste.

I'm neither crazy nor boring. [Pause.] Though I suppose an argument could be made for crazy. [What with the running around in tights and the extreme compartmentalization.

He considers the food on offer at the stall.]

...Yeah, I know what you mean.

[Running around in tights is Bart's life.] Really? I thought the argument that could be made was for boring.

[Bart moves quickly, instantly putting a few more feet between them in case Tim thinks that calls for a punch on the arm. He waves a hand towards the food.]

I wonder how much it would be to buy some of everything and figure it out at home. Not home. Your temporary apartment-cell.

[It totally calls for a punch on the arm. Get back here, Bart. He eyes him briefly, then turns his attention to the food.]

It might not be too bad if we only got a little of everything.

[Nope. Sorry, Tim. You'll have to wait until Bart is suitably distracted to get your vengeance. So. From right about... now, when he's moved closer to the display and is picking up something about the size and shape of a lemon, but the color of a plum and the feel of a grape.]

Every time I try and find something to eat, it's like mystery flavor candies. I hate those. I can never figure out the flavors.

What? You don't think food should be an adventure? Those taste kind of like tomatoes, by the way.

[And now have that light punch for the boring remark, Bart. You totally deserve it.]

Yeah, cause that's what my life needs. Exciting food. And not the you-should-try-green-curry exciting. Surprise! It's a tomato! I was going to guess giant cran-

[Bart is still staring at the fruit he's holding and rolling it in his hands when he gets punched. He looks up in surprise and laughs. OK, he deserved that. Next time, he'll make sure to put something noisy on the ground between them. Dump a bagful of jingle bells everywhere. Grinning, he takes this opportunity to take a free shot.]

So boring that even I anticipated that one.

[Grinning back at him.] Sure you did. I could tell by the completely unsurprised look on your face. [He fakes another punch, then lets his hands drop.]

[Bart smirks, and he watches the fake punch approach until Tim pulls it at what probably seems like the last second. ]

Completely unsurprised. I let you hit me. What's your excuse?

[The tip of Bart's index finger is resting on the apex of Tim's nose, suddenly but with no sign of motion - as if it's always been there - and Bart's quietly laughing.]

[Tim doesn't even blink. If he were surprised by Bart suddenly being places, without any apparent travel time in between, well. He'd be a completely different person.

Deadpan.]

Did you seriously just 'boop' my nose?

Yep. Whatcha gonna do about it?

[Bart nods, unabashedly gleeful at this.]

Did you seriously just say I 'booped' your nose?

If the ridiculous verb fits...

[Tiniest evil little smile.]

I haven't decided yet. But you have to sleep sometime.

[Oh, that is mean. That is so incredibly unfair.]

But - the whole reason I'm crashing at your place is because I can't sleep in mine! What am I supposed to do? Nap at Kon's? I'll get smothered by tribbles in my sleep. I'll just sleep when you're asleep. I can do that. I'll wait 'til you pass out.

[Keep in mind, Bart. You asked for this..

Said in Tim's very best Bruce impression:]

I don't sleep.

[That's... a really good impression. It makes Bart freeze up for a few seconds, before he tries to laugh it off. The laughter is very forced and hollow.]

Oh, c'mon. Everybody sleeps.

[Right? He's feeling less assured of this than he would have considered 20 seconds ago.]

I'm screwed, is what you're saying. So. Um. These things.

[He holds up the purple fruit.]

You said they're like tomatoes. Close enough for the pizza sauce?

[Have an evil little smile in response to that. He doesn't even have to do anything. Bart will be jumpy for days.]

I think we should be able to make it work.

[He will. Bart will wind up staying up as long as he can manage, until he passes out somewhere unintentionally. This is all Tim's fault, up to and including the concussion he'll get when his head hits the floor.

Gathering up a half dozen or so the fauxmatoes, Bart tries to not act as if he's expecting to get nailed with some sort of Bat-silly-string, but he doesn't turn his back on Tim.]

What about any veggie toppings? Or things that taste like cherries? There has to be something berry-ish...

[Yeeep, still smirking. Bart's paranoia is going to provide him with hours of entertainment.]

I thought we were eschewing vegetables, in favor of meat and all kinds of unhealthy things?

[Tim. All of these baby steps towards diabolical, evil genius will catch up with you one day, and, if you keep directing them at Bart, he's not even going to hesitate before he brings you down.]

I thought you wanted to see if they had canadian bacon? Wouldn't that mean you want artichokes and red onions? I mean. I'm game for loading it up with so much junk even I can't move for awhile, but... it's kinda your pizza.

[Well, that's kind of part of the plan, so... good.

He gives him a little grin.]

I've been advised that it's a weird pizza combo. I'm willing to make adjustments.

[002] [Video, no mask] So, about that aging thing...

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