tushanshu | ✦ 008 ✦ [VIDEO]

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✦ 008 ✦ [VIDEO]

[It takes several on-camera seconds before Zatanna can finally figure out the right words for this; her mouth opens and closes twice before she gives up and just comes out with it:]

...is anybody else slightly concerned about the fact that some of the local bakeries've started selling cookies in the shapes of these thi--?

[And the Network is suddenly treated to a GIANT UPSIDE-DOWN TRIBBLE FACE taking up the entire camera. Because it wanted to say hello, of course.]

[Zatanna can barely get out the shriek of surprise in the background before her unexpected visitor suddenly tumbles downward, taking the feed with it. The screen goes dark, leaving one last audio cry before it cuts out completely:]

Get back here, you cheap horror film knockoff!

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[Tim raises an eyebrow at her.] Satisfied, then?

Yeah. I'm gonna go. Got this fancy new tribble detector, and there's a lotta food out there.

[Bart heads for the door, without crossing the space between the other two because tension and sparks much?]

Never.

[She rolls her eyes at Bart, even though he can't see with his back turned to her. All that tension? Completely in your head, boy.]

Get back here, Bart.

I already have a Robin, thanks. And, unlike Batman, one is enough for me.

[Tim snickers quietly, shaking his head a little. He considers pointing out that Batman only has one Robin at a time, but that's a little beside the point to this conversation.]

Your Robin?

[Bart looks to Zatanna for an answer, since apparently Tim isn't going to share what's so funny. He has one hand on the doorknob.]

What am I not getting here?

[She grins. It was too easy.]

Do you want the list alphabetically, or in chronological order?

The Robin she's more familiar with is pint-sized Robin-the-First. [And that was a complicated mess, but Tim wasn't going to get into that now.]

We're--not at all like that.

Better give it to me chronologically. Might help me line things up a little better - cause my chronological isn't everyone else's.

[He's let go of the door handle. Bart never really wanted to leave, but felt that he should if the whole thing was going to turn into them having a makeout session.]

Oh. Right. The one I've gotta noogie over that whole toilet comment. So - not at all like that means not dating? I knew she was too cute for you.

[Toilet comment?]

Not Tim, no. That was never going to happen--no offense, Tim.

[He holds his hands up.]

None taken. And no offense to you, but it would really kind of be too weird.

[He eyes Bart, considering if he has anything close enough at hand to throw at him without him seeing. Nothing. Oh, well. Different plan of attack, then.]

I'll absolutely be sure to tell Batgirl you said that, next time I see her.

[Exes still count for comments like that, right? Right.]

[This is why you need your utility belt, Tim.]

Fff. If I'm not afraid of you, what makes you think I'm afraid of Batgirl? What does she have to do with it anyway? Is she here? Talk about super cute.

[This was new.]

...you and Batgirl are a thing?

[Whoops.]

Uh--no, not anymore. It was a long time ago.

Then it doesn't matter if I ask her out next time I'm in Gotham.

[Whoops is right. She's seeing you in a slightly different light now, Tim.]

Just be sure to do it before Tim tells on you, Bart.

You...uh...also might want to start running now.

[Just in case Tim tries to kill him for that remark.]

[Eyebrows up.]

I think the more important question is would she mind? Which I really don't know. She's pretty busy these days. [With college and crimefighting and... stuff.]

But Zatanna's right. I'm definitely telling on you.

Oh, c'mon. She should be flattered. I think she's cute - so what? It's not a crime. Neither is asking someone out for coffee. I've been shot down before. I can handle that.

[Bart folds his arms across his chest.]

I can't decide if you're trying to be a wingman or to cockblock me here. There. Whatever.

...how about a wingblock?

[She is the most helpful and best at word play.]

Hmm.

[He makes a show of considering Bart's question thoughtfully before finally speaking again.]

Yes.

[Both wingman and cockblock. Zatanna's made-up word seems accurate enough.]

You're really a terrible person. Both of you.

[A beat] Okay. All three of us. I shouldn't have said Zatanna was too cute for you. But you gotta admit - back home? Completely out of your league.

[Ouch, Bart. Right to the heart.]

To be fair, from what I've heard, the Zatanna from your world has got to be at least twice as old as I am. Meaning she'd be far more likely to go after Batman than a Robin... [Then she realizes what she just said, and makes a face]...which is a mental image I also did not need. Ever.

Literally and figuratively. [He tells Bart cheerfully. He snickers at Zatanna's mental image--which is not nearly as weird for him as it is for her.]

I didn't even have to say it--though to be fair, I was probably going to.

[Bart starts talking immediately after Zatanna points out that her counterpart is twice as old, so his first comment on the whole thing gets drowned out be her saying that she'd be dating Batman.]

Look at the bright side: you know you've got this whole aging well thing in the bag.

[But it takes him the entire time that time's talking to process and banish that particular mental image. Thanks so much for that, guys. Really. Bart raises his hand.]

OK. I? [Bart's hand twists so that he's pointing his index finger at his head.] Was never gonna go there.

[He lets his hands drop.] I think we can agree that "there" is a place we will never ever go again. She's like our age - here. Close enough. Why wish that on her?

[Never. Not going to be weird. Ever.]

Thank you for that, Bart. Nice to know who my friends really are around here. The ones not so quick to give me mental scarring.

[Tim snickers again.]

Batman is perfectly personable. [Pause] Sometimes. In the right mood. Maybe.

[Another pause.]

Okay, I take it back. Stick to Robins. Well--your Robin.

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