tushanshu | → video

Good morning Keeliai, how are we all today?

[Steph is sitting at her console, leaning back in her chair with her legs propped up on the desk. She's smiling, and for those that know her, it's the sort of smile that should be extremely concerning. Those that don't know her may also be feeling like they're about to hear something they don't want to.

She is going to be a terrible person today.]

I'm going to preface this message by saying that anyone under the age of 16, or whatever the age of legality is where you're from, should tune out now, please and thank you. I'm not gonna be explicit or anything, but it's probably not going to be appropriate for kids. [she gives a pointed look, yes you, Damian, switch off the computer now.]

I was taking an anthropology class back home, and my professor happens to be here too. [she wrinkles her nose, like yes, I know that's super weird, how do you think I feel?] And he's been giving me assignments and stuff, because apparently being kidnapped by a giant turtle isn't a valid excuse not to keep up with coursework. The topic we'd been studying before I got brought here was human sexuality, and Professor Craig suggested I write a paper on kedan sexuality instead. [Hi Bruce.] Except, uh, after the last couple weeks, I'm not really keen on that idea.

But I have been thinking about all these people with superpowers running around, and like - we've got comics back home, right? But they tend to focus on the whole defeating supervillains and stopping alien invasions side of things, which is great, sure, I love a good action story, but there's something that just never really comes up.

[she looks directly at the camera, the very picture of scientific curiosity] Do they - or, do you, for the superpowered people in the audience - ever use their powers for sex? This isn't a rhetorical question, by the way, if you have used your powers in the bedroom, feel free to share with the class.

And in the interest of not excluding anyone from the conversation, anyone who's just a regular old human, or whathaveyou, you can discuss what sort of powers you'd like to have, and how you'd use them to impress the gender-of-your-preference.

Don't feel like you have to respond directly to me, you're more than welcome to talk amongst yourselves. I figured we could use a little lighthearted chat to take our minds off the situation. Don't you agree?

[She winks, clearly trying not to laugh, and sits back in her chair to wait for responses]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Wouldn't you need a third party for that? [It's on, Lois.

She's just going to pretend they're talking about someone other than Clark.]

[Sadly, they are talking about Clark--and Lois hates to lose.]

Since when did good demonstrations ever need a third party?

I just thought - you know, any bruise he leaves he'll blame on superstrength, and you can't bruise, him, right? So. Third party.

[NOT THINKING ABOUT CLARK]

[Totally thinking about Clark.]

Please, I get bruised from day-to-day life and he still freaks out. Nah. Coaxing works better.

[..........]

Am I going to deeply regret asking what you mean by coaxing?

I'm not the one inside your head.

[Yes. You will.]

[She gives this serious consideration, can she admit defeat?]

What do you mean by coaxing?

[....No]

[Lois is far too entertained.]

The key is distracting him.

I've found that works with most men.

[how did her life get to this point]

Seriously. They have no attention span.

[By asking questions she didn't really want answered.]

Robin was the worst. I swear I couldn't keep him focused for more than a minute, especially if there was crime somewhere.

[There is always crime somewhere]

There's always crime somewhere. [Voice of waaay more experience with that.]

But still, [baffled] teenage boy? And he couldn't focus?

Seriously. I dated him for more than a year and didn't ever get past first base.

[She won't lie and say that it wasn't good for her to have a relationship that didn't entirely revolve around sex. But still.]

[It takes Lois a few moments to come up with an answer--and when she realizes why, she laughs.]

It's a little odd that I'm less surprised by that happening in a long-term relationship than a short-term one.

I was surprised by it happening at all. [She's - pouting, yes.

It's not really her own ego at play here, she'd just learnt a certain way of interacting with boys, and Tim had thrown that all out the window.]

[Lois just looks amused.]

I would have been too, at your age. Well, except for the ones which just didn't have time to get there.

What, like, less than an hour? [She's joking, mostly, playing it up for laughs.

It has occured to her that this is an extremely weird conversation, she's just ignoring it]

No no, those were the ones who wanted to jump past first base all together. It was pretty painful.

...Well. For them, anyway. [Black belt, drunk frat boys: she did not come out the loser.]

[Steph laughs, since she can easily imagine Lois kicking ass]

I wish I'd learned that approach a little earlier in life.

[Lois would be worried if Steph couldn't imagine it.]

That and the travel are the only upshots of the army brat life--and they're dubious at best.

Well, at least there were some bonuses, even dubious ones? [It's a little tricky for her to wrap her head around that kind of life.]

Well. [Pause.] Moving that much, you don't really get friendships that stick.

[Another beat.]

Let alone relationships.

Oh. [sympathetic sad face] I can imagine that would be all kinds of shitty.

There was a reason I split when I was younger than you. [The reason: her father.]

[Adding this to the list of things she didn't know about Lois. There's probably a file on the Batcomputer somewhere, but Steph tries not to read those unless they're vital for a case.]

Did you leave for college, or did you have somewhere else to go?

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