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Good morning Keeliai, how are we all today?

[Steph is sitting at her console, leaning back in her chair with her legs propped up on the desk. She's smiling, and for those that know her, it's the sort of smile that should be extremely concerning. Those that don't know her may also be feeling like they're about to hear something they don't want to.

She is going to be a terrible person today.]

I'm going to preface this message by saying that anyone under the age of 16, or whatever the age of legality is where you're from, should tune out now, please and thank you. I'm not gonna be explicit or anything, but it's probably not going to be appropriate for kids. [she gives a pointed look, yes you, Damian, switch off the computer now.]

I was taking an anthropology class back home, and my professor happens to be here too. [she wrinkles her nose, like yes, I know that's super weird, how do you think I feel?] And he's been giving me assignments and stuff, because apparently being kidnapped by a giant turtle isn't a valid excuse not to keep up with coursework. The topic we'd been studying before I got brought here was human sexuality, and Professor Craig suggested I write a paper on kedan sexuality instead. [Hi Bruce.] Except, uh, after the last couple weeks, I'm not really keen on that idea.

But I have been thinking about all these people with superpowers running around, and like - we've got comics back home, right? But they tend to focus on the whole defeating supervillains and stopping alien invasions side of things, which is great, sure, I love a good action story, but there's something that just never really comes up.

[she looks directly at the camera, the very picture of scientific curiosity] Do they - or, do you, for the superpowered people in the audience - ever use their powers for sex? This isn't a rhetorical question, by the way, if you have used your powers in the bedroom, feel free to share with the class.

And in the interest of not excluding anyone from the conversation, anyone who's just a regular old human, or whathaveyou, you can discuss what sort of powers you'd like to have, and how you'd use them to impress the gender-of-your-preference.

Don't feel like you have to respond directly to me, you're more than welcome to talk amongst yourselves. I figured we could use a little lighthearted chat to take our minds off the situation. Don't you agree?

[She winks, clearly trying not to laugh, and sits back in her chair to wait for responses]

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Well, at least there were some bonuses, even dubious ones? [It's a little tricky for her to wrap her head around that kind of life.]

Well. [Pause.] Moving that much, you don't really get friendships that stick.

[Another beat.]

Let alone relationships.

Oh. [sympathetic sad face] I can imagine that would be all kinds of shitty.

There was a reason I split when I was younger than you. [The reason: her father.]

[Adding this to the list of things she didn't know about Lois. There's probably a file on the Batcomputer somewhere, but Steph tries not to read those unless they're vital for a case.]

Did you leave for college, or did you have somewhere else to go?

[There's definitely a file. Lois is incapable of being less than spectacular--in any number of ways.]

I was fifteen. I tried to tell Perry--my editor--I was nineteen, talk my way into working at the Planet. Lucy busted me and he kicked me out, but I overheard some people talking and broke into Lex Luthor's office for some fascinating files. With that kind of scoop Perry really didn't have a choice.

Edited (grammar, I can haz it nao plz) 2012-10-01 09:47 (UTC)

Wow. [No, really, wow. As if she wasn't already impressed by Lois, that story has just made her seem even more amazing. Breaking into Lex Luthor's office? Wow.

But she's not going to let herself fangirl too much; gving a grin instead] I'm glad you're one of the good guys.

[Lois has never done things by halves.

She smiles wryly.] You all are definitely lucky that I am.

I think even B would quake in his boots. [Hi Bruce if you're reading this.]

I know he would. [Smug.]

[She really can't help laughing] On the off chance that you ever swap sides, can preemptively I get any tips on how to stay in your good books?

That's cheating and you know it. But I'm feeling gracious. Be my personal coffee gofer, and be aware if it ends up tampered with there will be severe retribution, the likes of which you will not escape.

Edited (apparently i do not get typing mrrh) 2012-10-01 10:17 (UTC)

There's no such thing as cheating, just making use of an advantage. [And that is pretty much her life philosophy; there's a reason she fights dirty]

But I wouldn't dare besmirch your coffee, you can trust me.

There is absolutely such a thing as cheating. It's just one of the best weapons out there.

Uh-huh. That's what they all say.

[She gives this point the consideration it deserves] I suppose I can agree with that.

C'mon, if you can't trust a Bat with your coffee, who can you trust?

If I hypothetically turned evil? I wouldn't trust a Bat. I'd need the compulsive paranoia.

[Lois has no idea how they got from awkward questions about sex to this.]

[It's a skill Steph has.]

That is a very good point. We're probably the ones you should worry about most.

[By "we" she really just means Babs and Bruce, let's be honest]

Well, of course. After all, I wouldn't be your only problem.

[The other reason they should be grateful she's not evil: Clark.]

What, you'd make that dorky photographer your sidekick? He doesn't seem that scary.

[That's a joke.

A bad one, but still a joke.]

Heh. You'd be surprised. Even I was surprised by him, lately. He's really growing up.

[She sounds so proud of him.]

Besides, he wouldn't be the first dorky partner of mine to have unexpected dangerous layers. [Total cat-that-got-the-cream tone.]

That tends to happen when time passes. [Steph is a smartass.

She's also kind of just NOPEing at the idea of Superman having unexpected dangerous layers] I'm sure I have no idea what you're talking about.

[la la la not listening]

I've known people who could use that memo. [But she appreciates the smartass.

Lois isn't snickering. Of course she isn't. She has no reason to snicker at a teenage girl trying really hard not to think about the various ways in which Clark is incredibly hot.

Even if it's a hilarious change from teenage fanbrats.]

He really isn't as much of a boy scout as some people think he is.

I'll make sure to pass it on.

[Steph is just going to shoot Lois a mock glare]

I'm not sure what I did to deserve this.

[Lois is mean]

[Yes. Lois is, in fact, quite mean.]

You asked a question about superpowers and sex without remembering I'd see it.

And then you tried to win a game of shameless chicken against me.

[She is also quite helpful!]

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