❝ 002 ❞ v i d e o

[animosus]

[This post is coming from Hal’s account because someone didn’t log out after sending this message and left a baby to mess around with the keyboard. The background is definitely Hal’s place, but there’s a baby sitting on the table in front of the console. Said baby is wearing a Green Lantern onesie and has a tiny power ring on his finger and is chewing on a Flash ring.

There’s also no one else in sight. Someone is a terrible babysitter. Eventually he wanders into the frame. Hal doesn’t look that different except for the fact that his temples are grey. He’s actually a few years younger than he should be right now. This is him in his Parallax years. But he wanders in, holding a bag of groceries and walks to the baby and pulls out a small bar of chocolate and unwraps it before giving it to him before he walks off again, presumably to put things away.

The baby makes a baby noise and suddenly he’s wearing a construct of Hal’s flightjacket. Moments pass and it really doesn’t look like Hal’s coming back any time soon.]

[ooc: Said baby is Bart Allen. BARRY, COME AND TAKE YOUR GRANDSON. OR ANYONE REALLY. Also please indicate if you wish to 'converse' with Bart as well.]

Comments

action because who has time for video

[bolthead]

[The message he'd gotten on the console earlier had been alarming to say the least - why the hell had Hal been buying diapers of all things - but this console post just took the cake. There is a baby sitting on a table with Hal nowhere in sight, and Barry's honestly not sure whether he should be more concerned over Hal's potential status as a father or over the baby's potential future with Hal as a babysitter.

And then he sees the Flash ring.

He's at Hal's suite within the second, vibrating through one of the living room walls because he honestly can't be bothered to knock and wait at the door. There is a baby on a table slowly drooling away on a bar of chocolate and while Barry would be the first to admit that his parenting skills are sorely lacking, he is pretty damn sure this is not how child-raising is supposed to go.

Naturally, the first thing he does is navigate onto the table and carry the baby off onto the ground. It takes some effort because Barry's ten year old self is not nearly as tall or strong as his thirty-five year old self. (He leaves the chocolate bar alone though because ew baby slobber.) After that, Barry just yells. Really loudly.]

HAL!

[.....Yelling loudly and threateningly is really hard when you're ten. God damn it.]

[action] Barry deserves this.

[backinakidflash]

[When Barry appears in the room, Bart looks over at him, because motion is very eye-catching. When Barry comes over and picks him up, the baby starts laughing like the world is his carnival. Which, for a moment, it is. He's managed to gnaw down some chocolate with his whole four teeth, and his taste buds think they just ate heaven, and he has someone's attention.

But then Barry starts yelling. There's about four seconds of horrified frowning, because that was loud, and then, yes, the baby is suddenly crying and pressing his face into Barry's shoulder. There will be slobber, tears, and snot.]

[action] YEAH BOND WITH YOUR GRANDSON

[animosus]

[Hal runs into the room. Someone was in the room where the baby was. He has his fist up and for some reason he can't get his Green Lantern costume to work so it's as Parallax that he enters the room.

...and there's a kid. Why was there a kid here. He doesn't drop his guard because getting beaten up by seven year old Kyle had taught him a lesson.]

Drop the baby and tell me what you're doing here.

[action] YOU CAN'T MAKE HIM DO ANYTHING

[bolthead]

[Slobber, tears, and snot all over him, as well as a crying baby. Great. This can't possibly get any worse, can it? Of course it can, because then Hal shows up, looking all threatening and demanding answers in a very Hal fashion.

Barry doesn't move - he's got a getting-heavier-by-the-minute child against one shoulder, he can't really move - but he does glare at Hal flatly.]

I'm here because my grandson is suffering from an extreme case of child neglect.

[Hi Hal, guess who.]

video;

[imaginate]

[Just. Staring. And then he bellows.]

HAL!

video;

[backinakidflash]

[Well, that gets the baby's attention. Bart crawls towards the screen and starts jabbering. It sounds rather frustrated, if a little heavy on plosive consonants and variants of A vowel sounds. He's also poking and fumbling at the keyboard, but motor function leaves a little something to be desired at this age. Eventually, he stops playing with the keyboard and makes two shaking little fists. Then slaps at the screen. Right where Kyle's forehead is, actually.]

video;

[imaginate]

[Big brother mode has been activated. Kyle pulls a few faces to make Bart laugh.]

Don't worry little guy! I'm a-comin'!

[A pause, and then, louder-]

HAL!

video

[backinakidflash]

[Success! Bart laughs at each of the faces, although it's slightly devious, like the baby is filing this away to talk to his therapist about when he's 30 and blaming you for his fear of clowns or else to just blackmail you about later. Also, it's totally the Thawne in him coming out (:31-:36 in particular). It's got a touch of that revved up effect that Bart's laugh gets when he is laughing hard enough to start losing his grip on his speed - enough to give pause about whether or not the baby is a speedster.]

video

[hackingyoursensors]

[What the hell. There's so much wrong with this picture.

Guess which Dick Grayson this is btw. Tiny Dick has grown up.]

HAL! Oh my god I can't even tell you all of the things you're doing wrong.

video

[animosus]

[Dick is Dick, Hal is going to treat them all the same until given a reason to do so otherwise.]

Feed 'em, make sure they're clothed and babyproof the place. I thought I had everything.

video

[hackingyoursensors]

[Well, they are both good at the 'oh god why' face so.]

One, don't feed him chocolate. I don't think he can even chew it, sugar content aside. Two, don't leave him unattended because he will get into something. That's how babies are. Three, don't let him chew on a ring because he can swallow it.

video

[animosus]

He swallowed the ring before, but I had that covered. [Make the ring disappear, simple as that. Everything else...]

And it's not like he's going to stay like this forever, a bit of chocolate isn't going to hurt. But come on, it's a baby, how bad could it get?

video;

[andaway]

[A teenager-looking Clark is playing around with a pencil between his nose and his upper lip when he turns the video on.] Hal, you have been on the turtle for like, a month.

...How did that even happen?

video;

[animosus]

[...this is Clark, right? Things sure were weird right now.]

H-hey, he isn't mine! I know how to wrap it. I was looking after him for Barry.

video;

[bolthead]

[From offscreen:]

And doing a horrible job of it.

[Hi Clark.]

video; encrypted 100%

[andaway]

[Clark turns the encryption up simply out of habit, when so many superheroes talk the risk of spilling something is too high.]

Well, in Hal's defense the most powerful weapon in the universe wasn't really thought for babysitting.

[Clark laughs under his breath, letting the pencil on his side.] So you're back to having premature grey hair, and I'm guessing the blonde kid is Barry? Who's the baby then?

[A beat.] I'm Clark, by the way. In case it wasn't clear.

[Video]

[tactile_telekinesis]

[So Kon doesn't know if it's Barry or Bart, but either way he's just going to stare and watch the kid for a second and...well now he wants chocolate because damn.]

I am so glad I don't have to change your diaper uh...Baby Flash? Are you even a Flash of any kind right now?

[Flat look and a pause for a moment.]

What am I asking a baby questions?

[Video]

[backinakidflash]

[Bart's mouth drops open into a big, wide O and his little eyebrows shoot up. After a few seconds of surprise, he unleashes a stream of excited, shrieky baby talk that goes on for a good thirty seconds while he waves chubby arms at the screen. It's mostly just "ba ba ba"s with the occasional attempt at an F sound that comes out as a raspberry.

But it's obvious that he's very happy to see Kon. Now just listen to Baby Bart, who has just lectured quite thoroughly on why we don't use the F word in public.]

[Video]

[animosus]

[Hal leans over Bart and points at the Green Lantern logo on his chest.]

He's Baby Lantern now, can't you see? [He then pets Bart's head.] Uncle Hal's sure is the greatest, right buddy?

[And that should explain which Flash it is. Despite everyone yelling at him for it, he didn't think he did that badly...]

video

[escarabajo]

[Oh my God is that--

OH MY GOD THAT IS BART.]

B....Bart. Who's watching you? Can you still, um, speak?

video

[backinakidflash]

Da duh-duh-duh.

[That would be a no. Curse this hard-to-control body and tiny brain. Well, the baby would be thinking that if he could figure out that he wasn't making sense. He pokes at his onesie, tapping tiny fingers on the GL logo. The burble continues. Uncle Hal is watching him! And he has candy!]

video

[escarabajo]

Green Lantern? Which Lantern?

[So far, he's only run into one of them-- and Kyle doesn't seem the type to leave a baby all alone. He tries to peer around Bart, searching for whoever's watching him.]

video;

[wingedwarrior]

[And her view of Hal Jordan is becoming worse and worse with every passing minute. Dear god, he's an idiot.] And I thought I was bad with kids.

video;

[animosus]

[If you want someone to save the universe, Hal's your man. For anything else, find someone else.]

Wally and Roy have never complained when I looked after them. [Same with his nieces/nephews. He is great with kids dammit.]

video;

[wingedwarrior]

You looked after Wally? That explains so much! [GODDAMMIT, HAL, IF YOU'RE THE REASON HE NEVER LISTENS AND ALWAYS GETS INTO TROUBLE. You will have a Thanagarian with a mace coming after you.]