tushanshu | ♒1st Text

[Eridan had been here for a few hours now, pretty unhappy with it all. He had places to be, flying dogs to form alliances with, you know. IMPORTANT STUFF. But it seemed that any of his complaints have been rightly ignored by the locals, so that was when he decided to turn his attention to his networking device. Clearly complaining on there will get something accomplished.]

by courtesy a the locals of this place ivve been wwell informed of wwhere i am or wwhat this place evven is
doesnt sound all too fuckin different from wwhere i came from but obvviously glaringly different at the same time and perhaps i owwe wwhoevver snatched me up from my owwn wworld
or rather lack there fuckin of
howwevver i cant turn a blind ganderbulb to the fact that its bloody inconvvenient in the same right
if i wwanted to be here i most certainly wwould havve come here a my owwn vvolition seein as i got matters a GRAVVE import to be dealin wwith
but i suppose that hardly fuckin matters
wwhatevver
also wwhat the fuck is wwith these devvices and not allowwin me to pick my most royal fuckin blood color
typin in this pitch shade is distractin and utter BULLSHIT
i guess the lot cant rob me of my quirk entirely but it aint the fuckin same
howw the hell am i supposed to alert the masses a my kick ass royal standin noww
i guess i could inform evvery sad siltlicker i come across but thats far more wwork than one a my caste deservves to be saddled wwith
i suggest this gets fixed stat or youll havve the wwrath a the prince a hope on you and i aint the troll to be triflin wwith

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

WHAT?!

They didn't tell you? Well, Hel, they should have told you. Things have been crazy lately.

But yeah, it looks like the latest batch of arrivals should be going into the ritual blood sacrifice at the end of the week. Keep hydrated, alright? We need everything we can get.

[He's not sure if he should believe this, but this guy sounds... so convincing? He's never been good at sarcasm as it is, but...]

No--look, you're bee essin' me somethin' fierce. I--I know total fuckin' hoofbeast shit when I hear it. I don't beliewe you.

[ There's nothing even remotely sarcastic about what he's saying. Tone of voice, pace of delivery, all of it sounds more like faintly bored telephone customer service rep than anything. ]

Hey, I'm not the Emperor. I just work for her. Personally, if I made the rules? We wouldn't go through all this trouble of settling people in for a week or so.

Fuck that and fuck you. You lot can fuckin' try an' take me, but I'll slaughter each an' eweryone a you if you think I'm gonna take part in some shitty ritual.

If you've a problem with it, you'll want to take that direct to the Emperor back up at the palace. It's hardly worth a murderous rampage.

Oh you don't think so? Well I think it is, I rather wipe out ewery one a you if it's what I gotta do to ensure my fuckin' surwiwal. I'll take out your Emperor too, I ain't the type a troll you wanna cross.

[First day and he's already plotting on killing the big cheese, good job Loki.]

I suggest you tell your worthless leader that I ain't fearin' his blood ritual bullshit, nor am I to be any part of it if he wants to ensure his own surwiwal.

Wow, rude. I said 'her' earlier for a reason. This is the modern era and women can be emperors if they want to. That whole misogyny thing does not fly here.

Oh I must hawe missed that through all the bullshit you'we been spewin'. An' the fact she goes by Emperor and not Empress does nothin' but lends itself to bein' misleadin'.

No idea what misogyny is, and I don't rightly care. Is it not normal to hawe a female Empress for you humans? My own species has had nothin' but Empresses for its entire existence.

Edited 2013-10-28 04:10 (UTC)

Hey, if your Empress told everyone she wanted to be called the Emperor, would you argue? I think not. That's a quick way to get put on the blood sacrifice lists, and I'm not really looking for that in my life.

Fair point. Doesn't change how misleadin' it is, though.

Anyway, we're missin' the point here. The point bein' that I ain't on no blood sacrifice list, unless you want wanton murder and destruction on your hands. The choice is yours.

I'd be happy to make that choice, but it's really not my department. Head up to the palace library and made a request for the blood ritual forms. Get those turned in and in seven to ten days, you'll have an answer.

Fuck that, I ain't waitin' for no stinkin' answer. Sewen to ten days my fuckin' nook.

You lot really ought to get your shit together, this is just fuckin' embarrassin' how you run this whole joint. I'm surprised that buildin's are still ewen standin'. Deplorable.

I know, I feel you. That's just bureaucracy in a nutshell, though. Anyway, I'll let you get to settling in. I have that trouble ticket in with tech support, so hopefully they'll get back to you before... well, you know.

I'm confident that won't happen.

[He will go down fighting ok!]

What's your name, anyway?

[You know, for future reference so if he feels the need to hunt you down, he's got a name to go off of.]

Huh? Oh, yeah, sorry about that.

[ There's a brief pause. Finally, it flips over to video, showing the semblance of a not unattractive Asian teenager. ] My name's Gene.

[ "Gene" offers Eridan a jaunty wave. ]

[Eridan has no interest in showing "Gene" his own face. Would make it easier to sneak up on this asshole if he didn't know what to look out for, after all.]

Dreadful name.

But thanks for bein' utterly fuckin' moronic, seriously, you must lack all surwiwal instincts, but I can't expect much from you considerin' the fact you're human.

I work in complaints. Surwiwal is the least of my concerns here. Anyway, I'll let you get settled in. See you around.

[ And he's gone. ]

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