tushanshu | 001

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[He needs to stop thinking that he's incapable of being surprised. By the end of the Battle of New York, Steve thought he had seen it all. Insane technology, other worlds, aliens... What else could there possibly be?

The answer, of course, is a giant turtle in a realm outside the continuity of time. He had a long chat about nearly everything with the locals that helped him earlier, but it's still crazy, and he probably wouldn't have believed it if he hadn't seen some of the turtle shell himself.

Yet here he is. It'll probably all sink in over time; Steve's been overloaded with so much information over the past few hours and it's exhausting, even for him.

Getting on the computer hadn't been his top priority, but he's already gone outside of his new home and back. Steve's experienced enough culture shock for today. He might as well at least reach out and introduce himself to all of the other people who wound up here like him.

Once he's got the computer up and running, he accesses the network using the video function. He looks a little stiff and probably as exhausted as he feels, but that's the least of his concerns right now.]

Hello. My name's Steve Rogers. The kedin- kedan? - brought me up to speed already, but I only just arrived here a few hours ago.

[Maybe longer than that. He hasn't exactly been keeping track of time. In any case, it's really jarring to be talking to a computer screen and not actually know who's on the other end.]

I have a couple questions that I'd like to have verified. [It doesn't necessarily mean he'll believe whatever he's told, but second opinions are typically useful.] We're all more or less stuck on this turtle, right? But there's a way back.

[That's a question as well, but it ends up sounding more like a statement. It sounds like a reasonable assumption. There obviously isn't a rush since no time is passing back home; he just wants to know.]

The other question I have is about jobs. Since it looks like I'll be here awhile, I'll start looking soon. Does anyone know which places are hiring offhand?

[He pauses for a moment before adding a 'thank you.']

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True 'nuff. If we're lucky, sometimes we find things from home, when we make landfall. Sometimes, it's even food. Other than that, we've gotta get used to this.

[ Bucky nods, and rubs his hands over his face, before postponing things a little by biting into his own sandwich, and chewing for a moment. It tastes like sawdust, and he's pretty sure Steve's will, too, in a few moments. So he'll give him a few more bites, first. Or maybe one. Something like that. ]

Mind you, I didn't know this until I'd been here for months, and-- somebody thought she owed me, so she told me. And she knows first-hand, and I don't think it's easy for her, so don't be too angry at her?

But, um.

[ There goes. Bucky closes his eyes for a bit, then looks over at Steve, and his voice is steady, and low, and quiet. ]

Apparently, after I fell... somebody found the body. And they - weren't any of ours. Not German's either, but they had... something. They revived the body and brainwashed... me. And used me as a tool, for a very long time.

[ He has to swallow for this part. ]

As an assassin. And to train... others.

Like Natasha.

[The sandwich is immediately unappealing. Much like the glass of water, it's set aside and forgotten about as Steve listens to what Bucky says. By the time he's done, it's not a secret that Natasha is the person he mentioned at the beginning.

For a moment, all the can think about is how she knew and she didn't tell him. It's true that Steve hasn't known Natasha for a long time, but he's known her long enough that she's had plenty of time to say 'hey your dead best friend isn't really dead.' Yes, he's angry, but he's not sure if it's more directed at her or himself.

Because being a brainwashed assassin, a weapon, that's a worse end for Bucky than just death. All of it could have been prevented if Steve could've just gotten to him in time. If he'd immediately gone to save Bucky instead of immediately taken out the Hydra goon. The difference only would've been a few seconds, and definitely more dangerous... but seconds count.

What's worse is knowing there's no way for him to fix it. It doesn't matter if Bucky stays here forever, it's still going to happen and Steve's the only one he can truly blame.]

The Russians?

[Even before Bucky mentioned Natasha, he would've assumed them. It wasn't like tensions were great between the Russians and Americans back in the '40s, and Steve's read up on the Cold War tensions.]

I'm so sorry, Buck.

[There's an edge in his voice as he drags a hand down his face. Steve's angry. At himself. At the people who did this to Bucky. For Bucky. It's a long moment before he speaks again.]

For how long? Are they still? I could find a way to find you, back home. Save you. Make them pay-

[He likely sounds as irrational as he feels, but he manages to stop himself for now. That alcohol though. That's needed far more than the sandwich or the water or anything else. Steve might regret it later, but he's grabbing that bottle now and hunting down glasses for them both.]

[ Bucky reaches across the distance between them, catching the back of Steve's neck in a steady, warm hand. Squeezing a little, to try and steady him. Remind him that he's here, now, and that the knowledge is about something that they can't change. Not right now. ]

Not your fault, dummy. You saved millions of people, remember? It's what you had to do.

Natasha doesn't know. She doesn't think I'm alive anymore, but she's not sure. If you... if you ever remember this place, I know you'll find me. I know if she's ever certain that there's anybody to be found, she'd tell you. But bringing your hope up... She's a practical one, Natasha is.

'sides. [ Sliiight break from the topic. ] From what I gathered you guys were kinda busy. Yeah?

[Steve feels Bucky's hand on him, but he doesn't relax, not until he's got drinks poured for them both. Turning on his heels, he pushes one of the glasses at Bucky.]

If I hadn't messed up, I could've saved you too.

[That's why it's his fault. He probably sounds like an insolent child right about now, but he's convinced that if he'd done something differently. It hasn't occurred to him that the result of that could've just been Bucky on Schmidt's plane with him, and that wouldn't have been much better.

After he says that, Steve just listens. He nods, sipping at his drink, but finishes it off far too quickly.]

I wasn't busy enough to not gone looking for you. [That probably would've been the worst possible thing, considering how much Steve would have obsessed over it.] There was an alien invasion and world domination plans that had to be thwarted, but I would've made time for you.

[ Bucky watches Steve move, then. Looks down into his glass. ]

One year, six months, and three days, Steve. You have any idea how many times those few moments - hell, the whole thing - has happened, over and over again, in my head?

You did what you could.

[ He picks up his glass and clinks it against Steve's. ]

Drink up. I know what I'm talkin' about.

And you can totally still do it. Time you spend here... it doesn't really...

[ Damn. Next bad part. Bucky takes a deep breath, and tosses his drink back. He'll pay for it, of course he will, but, it's been so much already. Almost too much. ]

You heard about clones, back... in the future?

[This is where Steve should try to smile, even force a small twitch of his lip for Bucky, but he can't. Sometime later, maybe tomorrow or in the weeks following, he might be able to pretend that he's okay with all of this. But he's not.

After Bucky moves his drink away, Steve drinks some of his own. He's still never gotten quite used to the burn, but when he's in moods like this, it's a needed addition.

Steve stares at the remaining liquor in his glass for a moment before glancing up to catch Bucky's eye again.]

It doesn't really what?

[He frowns, finishes his drink and blindly reaches behind to get the bottle for a refill. He hasn't realised that this liquor is anything different from what they had back home yet, so he's thinking this entire bottle won't be enough.]

I don't know the science behind it, but I've heard the ethical debate. Scientists have cloned sheep, I think. [He shrugs.] What about it?

It doesn't really count.

[ Bucky shakes his head, then nods towards the living room. Yes, he'll take the food with him, just in case, if Steve's okay with moving the conversation. Back home, it'd be with less booze, and sitting on rickety, thin-blanketed beds. Here, the suites have proper couch and armchairs and all. And also space to pace. Also a necessity. ]

That's the other bad thing. Well, part of it. We're all here really... clones. That's what was explained to me. We haven't been taken from back home, just... copied. There was a kid that found a 'cloning facility' - his words - underwater a while back. And... that'd account that when people die here, they just... come back. I guess using another copy.

Natasha, uh, the previous one, said that we're probably just. We-we. The personality. Just snapshots from a specific moment. We here don't really necessarily exist, back home.

So, y'see. You can just. Find out, back home. Ain't late or anything like that.

[It doesn't count. This isn't real. They aren't real. That's almost as bad as learning about Bucky's future. Not quite, but close. There is only one thing for certain, however- it's a good thing that they moved to the living room.

Steve doesn't even realise how much he needs to sit until he's on the couch. He trusts Bucky not to lie to him; this is simply hard to grasp. He can comprehend everything Bucky's said to him, but...

That doesn't make it any easier to accept.]

So everything that happens here, it's all for nothing.

[It doesn't take much for him to come to this conclusion.]

I won't remember anything that happens here. [Which means it could take longer to do anything he's decided he needs to do.] What if I don't find out at all?

[Don't mind him as he refills his glass. At this rate, he'll only remember the food when it's too late.]

Steve.

[ Bucky's voice is soft, and he leans closer again, making sure that his friend is looking at him. It really, really is a sign of how badly Steve is taking it, if he's losing sight of anything but the bad parts. ]

[ Not that Bucky can blame him, his own reaction hadn't been exactly stellar, but this is Steve. Steve sliding into hopelessness, however briefly... ]

Hey. We're not brought here to just. Do nothing. This world's in danger, and if we can save it, it's really, really not for nothing. Remember that. Even if we don't remember a thing and you need to find out everything from the start...

This really is a second chance for me to do good stuff. And if you're here beside me, yeah. I'll take it even more. All right?

[When Bucky puts it that way, Steve's able to shake off the overall negative feelings about everything. At least for now, and only enough to give Bucky a small reassuring smile and nod. He heard, he understands.

The last thing he wants is to make Bucky worry about him, and he's right about this world and second chances. There's no way Steve can just sit back and not help protect the people here.]

Yeah...

You're right. [Eloquence is failing him at the moment, but he's trying.] If I have to be here, I'm glad you are too. [Steve wants Bucky to have his second chance, and since neither of them know what the future holds exactly- if Bucky's even still alive as the Winter Soldier- this is possibly the best chance that either of them have.] We make a good team. That monster and any other bad guy here don't stand a chance.

[He says it easily, despite not knowing much about the overall circumstances here yet. He at least knows enough to know what once it's time, there are plenty of capable people here, so that's a good thing at least.

Steve pauses a moment before speaking again.]

Do you have any other bad news for me?

[ It'll come to him, Bucky's sure. He nods, at Steve's words, though his mouth is a little twisted at 'don't stand a chance.' It's really, really complicated, and also, stupid magic, Steve! But so far, so good. It's still a chance, an opportunity that he didn't have, otherwise. Wouldn't have. Whatever. And he'll take it. ]

[ As to the last question, Bucky hesitates for a moment, which should be answer enough. ]

It kinda goes with the 'clones' part of things, I think. But, you know. When people disappear from here, they - we - ain't just going back home, obviously. Or there'd be two, or three, or more of us.

[ That part, he thinks Steve'd have reached on his own, once the initial shock and overwhelming data all wore off. The next... ]

The only information we've got about what happens to the bodies? Not pretty. A while back... [ He squeezes his eyes for a moment, then forces himself to go on. ] A while back, something happened, and the shell here in the city sort of. Opened up, leading down to deeper - older - sewers. We - the foreigners - were warned to stay out of those, but you and I both know that some people just took that as an invitation, yeah?

She found Barton, and somebody else who'd been here since the beginning. Shifu was... she said, not himself. Didn't really remember much.

[ Deep breath. ]

Barton was cut up. Dissected.

The Commander... now Emperor, you talked with him about it, and he said that wasn't their doing. I mean, the Emperor's command or whatever. But it was still there.

[Steve listens to all of this in uneasy silence. The hesitation was enough for him to know more bad news was coming, but it still hits him just as hard, as if he had no warning.

But really, what could prepare him for this? There's a difference in seeing terrible things in combat and this. This sounds like torture, experimentation, perhaps. It makes Steve's stomach churn and he's not sure whether he wants to drink more to drown it all out or not.]

No one should have to go like that.

[Doesn't matter if it was postmortem or not, Steve means it just the same.]

Think they were lying?

[He already has a distrust for the Emperor, and this certainly doesn't help things. Whether they did it or not, someone did. It's disgusting, and it takes so much restraint to keep his anger in check.]

[ Bucky's eyes flash to Steve, then he looks back down, swallowing heavily. He's trying very hard not to think of the fact that there may be two of his friend, down there. And Rikki. And Natasha. And Farvielle, and Inara, and so, so many more. It takes him a moment to find words again, and, even so, he starts with shaking his head. ]

I dunno, Steve. I mean, they kidnap people to fight their war. On the other hand... they are desperate, I saw what it was like when the turtle was sick. It's... this world'd die, if what they're fightin' wins. When I asked Evandau whether it wouldn't be better if we were to, I dunno. Prepare for whatever battles are to come, he just said to wait, and then help when we're needed. Who the hell does things that way?

[ It's months and months of pent up... everything, that are slowly cracking him around the edges. Bucky stares down at his glass, and then tosses it down all at once, before his thoughts derail into 'we can't win this one, Steve.' Thoughts. Words. Whatever. ]

[Glancing over, Steve watches Bucky finish his drink. Steve doesn't say anything, not about how Bucky seems right now. He knows his best friend well enough to not have to. Instead, he reaches over to refill Bucky's cup.

Drinks his own. Refills. Sighs.]

It's not the way I'd approach it, and I don't think any military strategist back home would either. [It's all about contingency plans, supplies, munitions, manoeuvring thousands of men to meet up with other men. It was bloody and cruel, and... not quite like this.

This isn't even like winter of '39, when troops just hung out at the demarcation lines waiting for something to happen, since here, no one's even at arms.]

Since this isn't... our world, I guess we can't expect them to do things the way that would make sense to us. Maybe there isn't another option for them but to wait? We're on a turtle... [He's making sense to himself, even if he's starting to ramble a bit.] How does this thing attack? Where does it live? Hide? It's more efficient to defend than to pursue, but are the Kedan even prepared? This city doesn't look like it.

[ It's been a long few months, without somebody who could look at him and just. See. And know. A long few months in which he's been trying, just a little bit, sometimes, to do what Steve'd be doing. Keeping the hope up for people. But the black hole inside, the one that only seems less hungry when that unstoppable blond kid that a harder punch might break happens to be around? Yeah, that's been eating him on the inside, especially when he had no real expectation to see Steve again. ]

[ And, yet, here he is. Bucky takes a deep breath, and gives a twisted smile over to his friend. ]

It's weird. The turtle... he's alive. And he's the last one, the thing we're pitted up against - did I mention that mentioning its name is likely to summon and/or strengthen it? One of the people brought here, I think hes name was Khan, mocked that - a few hours later, the thing actually gave a message on the consoles, kinda thinking him. And maybe a few others, I dunno.

Anyway. That thing killed all the others. The mainlands - those were turtle all clustered together. Now they're wastes. In - uh, on one of them, there was a mausoleum, with all the dead people in it. And no... no living people. Just ruins of cities. They weren't shot, or cut down, or anything like that. Just... dead. And their places getting worn down by heat and sand and desert.

[ He turns his hands out, then winces. ]

Oh, yeah, and about that. If you go too far away from this turtle, you... probably'll get feelin' all the sickness again. Asthma, high blood pressure, the whole slew. That's... what happens if the turtle's sick, too. The thing managed to get some sort of ritual going that was killing it. Water and plants and animals suffered, first. Then, anything that wasn't basically bein' alive, plain human weakened, and was gone.

So the... the thing is, the turtle, who's the target of this all? It has power to uphold life. And it's basically as close to a defense as we get, with the Emperor... the previous Emperor's magic. Helping. So, people being happy or content or not badly off? It helps the turtle. I know it all sounds pretty mystic and strange, but. [ He spreads his arms. ] That's what I know. That I've seen signs of, or heard about.

[Steve's thinking about this a little too much, to the point that he lapses into silence. It's a lot to consider, though at the same time it limits his options tremendously. Not that he had many to begin with; he would give his all to protect the civilians here.

This is just so much more serious than what he thought, which makes it... well, extremely serious. It's bad enough to essentially be stranded somewhere beyond his universe (though Bucky being here makes it worth it), but to know that life here is so fragile... it's worrisome, and that's not even a strong enough word to describe it.

He nods along, nursing his drink. Steve's aware of just how hard this alcohol is hitting. He'd feel it full-force next time he stands, but it says a lot that he's actually feeling it now. Whatever this stuff is, it's a shame Steve didn't have it any other time he got depressed and turned to alcohol.]

I guess it doesn't hurt letting people live normal lives, then.

[This conversation. He rubs at his face.]

If that's all, d'you mind if we talk about something else?

[ While Bucky, on the other hand, is definitely into the, ah, energetic phase of getting drunk. But the request makes him look up at Steve, sharply, and then he nods. ]

'course I don't mind.

[ This is. Far from all, of course. But he knows it's been way too much already, so, instead of pointing it out, he shifts a little, turning more towards Steve, leaning his chin on a hand, elbow against the back of his seat. ]

Got any good stories for me?

Maybe. I don't know if you've heard this yet, but...

[And then he starts rambling about the first thing that comes to mind, which happens to be about the some of the good things he's found out from his adventures in culture shock in the twentieth century.]

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001 - video

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cw: narrative including blood/gore

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