tushanshu | video

[The network gets an eyeful of weathered, gaunt and very green goblin features as the hooded creature straightens in his chair from fiddling about with the keys. There's half a toothy grin on his lined face; when he speaks his voice is like the bastard child of gravel and sandpaper.]

There we go, I'm a fuckin' natural at this. Anyway, hi, how are ya. I've had a few chats on this thing but for the benefit of the rest of you bums - and I mean that in a very caring way - the name's Styx.

First off, let's get it out of the way: yeah I'm a fuckin' goblin, yeah I fuckin' talk, yeah it's a fuckin' miracle. And if you don't have goblins in your homeland and don't know what I'm talking about, congratulations. I'll make sure someone delivers your medal.

More importantly, who's a guy gotta kill to find steady work around here? I'm not a fucking merchant's helper, you get me? But you need a scout, you need someone or something tracked down, someone's got your property and you need it fetched back quiet-like, that kind of shit, you're singin' my song. [Or, you know, spying and assassinations, that'll work too. But he'd be stupid to be too loud about that in front of too large a crowd.] Last job I took was guiding a guy through hostile territory, real nasty time but I fuckin' got him where he had to go. I don't play around.

Speaking of which, last thing. I doubt he's here or the wallpaper wouldn't be looking so pretty anymore, but I gotta mention it. Anybody runs into an orc named Arkaïl - bigger than me, greener than me, not half as charming though - you send that lunkhead my way. Guy's dogshit at diplomacy, I can't take my eyes off him for ten minutes. Orcs, am I right?

...unless he broke something or owes you money, in which case I've never met him.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I'll expect my medal in the morning then.

[He can't help himself.]

Hey, give it more time than that, buddy. They gotta be engraved. "I don't live in a fucking dump. Congratulate me!" Only the fanciest writing and shiniest materials are fit for celebrating this grand accomplishment. Let the masters work!

[Styx can relate.]

Going for all the stops are we? Now I'm really impressed. I'll wear it everywhere I go and show it off to everyone. And I do love shiny things.

[Even better, Hawke appreciates snark.]

Like I said, only the best. And shiny enough to provide hours of entertainment. They'll be swooning in the streets as you walk by, mark my words.

[The stuff is practically Styx's lifeblood. Along with ale, brandy and, somewhere in there, some actual blood. But mostly snark.]

Sounds perfect. I think I'll take ten. Can't let one get too scuffed by wearing it around too much.

[Sounds like some dwarves Hawke knows.]

You hear that, folks, he can plan ahead too! Prepared for anything, shiny to the bitter end. I may swoon next, watch out. [He laughs, a brief, dry cackle.]

So what name do I give to the delivery guy? Can't have his dumb ass getting lost with such precious cargo.

It's a gift really. I've just got that effect on people.

[Hawke smirks, goblin or not this guy is alright.]

Garrett Hawke. Don't worry too much, retrieving lost cargo is something I happen to be good at.

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