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[The network gets an eyeful of weathered, gaunt and very green goblin features as the hooded creature straightens in his chair from fiddling about with the keys. There's half a toothy grin on his lined face; when he speaks his voice is like the bastard child of gravel and sandpaper.]

There we go, I'm a fuckin' natural at this. Anyway, hi, how are ya. I've had a few chats on this thing but for the benefit of the rest of you bums - and I mean that in a very caring way - the name's Styx.

First off, let's get it out of the way: yeah I'm a fuckin' goblin, yeah I fuckin' talk, yeah it's a fuckin' miracle. And if you don't have goblins in your homeland and don't know what I'm talking about, congratulations. I'll make sure someone delivers your medal.

More importantly, who's a guy gotta kill to find steady work around here? I'm not a fucking merchant's helper, you get me? But you need a scout, you need someone or something tracked down, someone's got your property and you need it fetched back quiet-like, that kind of shit, you're singin' my song. [Or, you know, spying and assassinations, that'll work too. But he'd be stupid to be too loud about that in front of too large a crowd.] Last job I took was guiding a guy through hostile territory, real nasty time but I fuckin' got him where he had to go. I don't play around.

Speaking of which, last thing. I doubt he's here or the wallpaper wouldn't be looking so pretty anymore, but I gotta mention it. Anybody runs into an orc named Arkaïl - bigger than me, greener than me, not half as charming though - you send that lunkhead my way. Guy's dogshit at diplomacy, I can't take my eyes off him for ten minutes. Orcs, am I right?

...unless he broke something or owes you money, in which case I've never met him.

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You have a limited vocabulary Styx.

[Because really, thine ears have never been so assaulted by such harsh language.

She just had to point that out.]

To answer your question, however, while I have heard rumor that there were once thieves plaguing the island...there does not seem to be a market for such interests that I am aware of. Though you may not go wrong as a tour guide.

[His grin widens noticeably at the rebuke. Sorry, but he's a low-class creature to the core and he's not sorry at all.] Heh. Depends on your definition of "limited." [The only goblin in the world with the gift of speech and he wastes his precious talent on mastering linguistic filth. For shame, Styx.]

Anyway. Touring ain't really the kind of guide I meant, but hell, work is work. Good sense of direction, sparkling personality. I'm all set! [Light-hearted, right on the edge of rough laughter. He's damn well no sparkling anything, that's for sure. Still, it wouldn't be the worst job he ever picked up to make ends meet.]

Indeed. [Her definition probably has something to do with the use of profanity in nearly every statement. She would gladly help him to expound upon his use of language.]

I bring it up precisely because you might make a business of it for yourself. We have helpful individuals who fill us in on specific details when we get here, but no one has ever provided me with a real tour. [So if you ever want to go into a business for yourself it may very well be a good place to start.]

And nothing reeks like being stuck in unfamiliar territory, no arguments from me. Course, I'm no good for the job 'til I know the city, but if nobody beats me to it...well, we'll see.

Arguably you would have to become familiar with your own surroundings at first and the newer residents might not have the means to pay you very well, both would be concerns of starting up such a business.

I haven't the foggiest as to what an orc is, but I have known your kind, goblin. Though you don't look like the sort I knew best. A little more clothed and green than usual, for starters.

I'll start off by letting you know we are the minority here. This realm is chiefly Overlanders or races that closely resemble them. 'Humans', I've been told is what they usually go by. Take that for what you will, but I find it prudent information, personally.

[Styx is damned if he knows what this guy is supposed to be, but it's not like he's in much of a position to judge anyone else's freakishness. The continent's rougher circles were full of oddities, of one sort or another, and you learned right quick to keep any signs of weakness to yourself. Roll with it.]

Yeah, human's the word back on the continent, too, or "khwarsan" if you're feeling sassy. I've done my share of business in their territory, ain't too strange to be doing it again. Bit of a pisser to lose all my contacts and have to start over, but what can you do.

Gotta say, I never heard of a goblin that ain't green, but the rest of what you said sounds about right. [Styx isn't the sort of goblin anyone knows best.] The others don't really do clothes. Or diplomacy. Or much of anything besides eat and shit. Buncha rats.

Edited 2014-01-31 03:23 (UTC)

The Overlanders here tend to make a great fuss over anything that doesn't look like them, so I thought I'd just give you a fair warning. The native Kedan are better about it, though, since they're a race of shapeshifters to begin with.

[If he had a juulan for every time someone made a comment on his looks or tried to guess his race... Naugus leans on one elbow, propping his chin on the claw.]

The creatures I knew that were like you tended more towards grey, but that's neither here nor there presently. When did you arrive here on the turtle, Styx?

Eh, couple days back. Slept off the hangover, [A lie. He hadn't slept, not for a long while.] had a discreet look around the neighborhood. Learned to use this damned thing. Always better to get your bearings first, yeah? 'Cause let's just say the "Overlanders" where I come from tend to make a fuss, too. [That's certainly one way to put it.]

I've been here about a month myself. Still plenty to learn, plenty to familiarize with. Such as the lay of the land and any secrets it might hold, for instance! Sounds like ferreting out this sort of thing is where your talents lie and I'm sure such a thing could come in demand.

[Hint hint.]

[The movements of the goblin's ears, poking through neatly-cut holes in his hood, are subtle and small, but there's a certain alertness in that reflexive twitch. His toothy grin returns.] Sure does! Just a matter of getting in touch with the people demanding it. If you're looking for a ferret, we can talk business over a map somewhere. Point me at a patch of countryside and off I go.

[Countryside, place of business, someone's house, someone. You know, whichever.]

Oh, I never said this was about me, did I? What use do I have for secrets and spies?

Out of curiosity, which suite did they assign you? I'm in the Earth Sector myself. Unit 2-D, to be precise. Not a bad place. [To talk business.]

My mistake. You know how it is, a guy's coinpurse gets a little light, he starts hearing things. It's a sad condition. [He doesn't bat an eye; he's very generous when it comes to deniability. All that matters is messages sent and received.]

Ain't that the biggest fuckin' coincidence? I'm in Earth myself! It's a small turtle, after all.

[He'll be along, once the sky's a little darker and the messages are winding down. Instantly going quiet on this thing would be just a little obvious.]

Very sad, I'm sure. I hope you find employment soon to help manage that ailment.

But I'm afraid I must excuse myself from this conversation. I have pressing business that needs tending to. Until next time, Styx.

[Blip, the video feed goes off. He'll be waiting.]

I'll expect my medal in the morning then.

[He can't help himself.]

Hey, give it more time than that, buddy. They gotta be engraved. "I don't live in a fucking dump. Congratulate me!" Only the fanciest writing and shiniest materials are fit for celebrating this grand accomplishment. Let the masters work!

[Styx can relate.]

Going for all the stops are we? Now I'm really impressed. I'll wear it everywhere I go and show it off to everyone. And I do love shiny things.

[Even better, Hawke appreciates snark.]

Like I said, only the best. And shiny enough to provide hours of entertainment. They'll be swooning in the streets as you walk by, mark my words.

[The stuff is practically Styx's lifeblood. Along with ale, brandy and, somewhere in there, some actual blood. But mostly snark.]

Sounds perfect. I think I'll take ten. Can't let one get too scuffed by wearing it around too much.

[Sounds like some dwarves Hawke knows.]

You hear that, folks, he can plan ahead too! Prepared for anything, shiny to the bitter end. I may swoon next, watch out. [He laughs, a brief, dry cackle.]

So what name do I give to the delivery guy? Can't have his dumb ass getting lost with such precious cargo.

It's a gift really. I've just got that effect on people.

[Hawke smirks, goblin or not this guy is alright.]

Garrett Hawke. Don't worry too much, retrieving lost cargo is something I happen to be good at.

[He's ugly but amusing, in her opinion.]

If killing people could be steady work, then I'm sure we'd have a lot more fun going on.

[This is pretty much exactly what he's going for. It's worked out well enough for him so far in life.]

Ehh, I don't know about that. You'd run out of people, and then who pays you? Kinda impractical when you think about it. And me, I like practical. Guides and finders and shit have less drama to clean up afterwards.

[Yep. Nobody here but us ugly, amusing, cheerful little goblins.]

Oh come on. You don't have to kill everyone to something good going. Butchers don't kill all the cows on the farm, do they? You know how to keep up enough to keep the business working.

[She's just teasing him a bit now.] And besides, who ever had fun in life with no drama?

Ha! Me, that's who! [He shakes his head, grinning again, with a side of self-deprecation.] I'm an old man, kid. Dramatic ain't so good for my heart.

Kid? [No he did not just call her that.] Listen, if you can't handle excitement because of a bad ticker, then maybe any line of work is too "dramatic" for you.

[Most people are kids in his eyes, alas. A side effect of being old as dirt. His easygoing manner doesn't waver.] Your concern is touching, but I think I can make it through another day or two somehow.

[She is so concerned that her eyes can't help but roll. It's empathy, really.]

Since barely anything ever happens around here, I think you're safe for longer than that.

[Oh, this is interesting. This angel is very amused indeed.]

That has to be the single best resume I have ever had the pleasure of hearing. If I had need of somebody like that, I would hire you in an instant.

[Styx presses a hand to his heart; oh sir, you are too kind!]

Thanks pal, I try. Just keep me in mind when shit happens, it's all I ask.

[He tries.]

Oh, believe me. I will be absolutely certain to contact you should that at all be required. How are you with parties?

Me? I'm the very life of 'em. Well, depending on the party. You know: lotta ale, couple of knife fights.

You're speaking my language. We could all use the occasional brush with death with the presence of ale. A little blood never hurt anyone.

Or property damage for that matter. It's good for you, builds character. As long as you're not stuck on cleanup at the end of the night.

Well...that's definitely where you should put the blame on somebody else and have them do all the cleaning. I believe we call that 'sharing the wealth'.

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