tushanshu | video

[The network gets an eyeful of weathered, gaunt and very green goblin features as the hooded creature straightens in his chair from fiddling about with the keys. There's half a toothy grin on his lined face; when he speaks his voice is like the bastard child of gravel and sandpaper.]

There we go, I'm a fuckin' natural at this. Anyway, hi, how are ya. I've had a few chats on this thing but for the benefit of the rest of you bums - and I mean that in a very caring way - the name's Styx.

First off, let's get it out of the way: yeah I'm a fuckin' goblin, yeah I fuckin' talk, yeah it's a fuckin' miracle. And if you don't have goblins in your homeland and don't know what I'm talking about, congratulations. I'll make sure someone delivers your medal.

More importantly, who's a guy gotta kill to find steady work around here? I'm not a fucking merchant's helper, you get me? But you need a scout, you need someone or something tracked down, someone's got your property and you need it fetched back quiet-like, that kind of shit, you're singin' my song. [Or, you know, spying and assassinations, that'll work too. But he'd be stupid to be too loud about that in front of too large a crowd.] Last job I took was guiding a guy through hostile territory, real nasty time but I fuckin' got him where he had to go. I don't play around.

Speaking of which, last thing. I doubt he's here or the wallpaper wouldn't be looking so pretty anymore, but I gotta mention it. Anybody runs into an orc named Arkaïl - bigger than me, greener than me, not half as charming though - you send that lunkhead my way. Guy's dogshit at diplomacy, I can't take my eyes off him for ten minutes. Orcs, am I right?

...unless he broke something or owes you money, in which case I've never met him.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[He tries.]

Oh, believe me. I will be absolutely certain to contact you should that at all be required. How are you with parties?

Me? I'm the very life of 'em. Well, depending on the party. You know: lotta ale, couple of knife fights.

You're speaking my language. We could all use the occasional brush with death with the presence of ale. A little blood never hurt anyone.

Or property damage for that matter. It's good for you, builds character. As long as you're not stuck on cleanup at the end of the night.

Well...that's definitely where you should put the blame on somebody else and have them do all the cleaning. I believe we call that 'sharing the wealth'.