tushanshu | AUDIO; from a cafe; post-bottle

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AUDIO; from a cafe; post-bottle

[Peter's not quite in the right place, mentally, to put up a video post. And he definitely isn't sure he should put it up from his own suite. So he's found his way to the nearest cafe, with an oversized hoodie pulled up over his head, and is starting up only an audio feed.]

Never a boring moment around here, is there? One minute we're normal-ish, celebrating Valentine's Day, and the next we're battling evil miasma inside a magic bottle.

Does anyone ever wonder what happened to the idea of rest and relaxation?

[FILTERED to the Spider-family]

...Sorry. About what happened back there. You-- You guys know that that-- That wasn't me. You know that, right...?

Oh, God... [There's a sigh, and then a beat of silence before he continues.] Anyway, just- I'm sorry.

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Yes, Parker. I'm a wanted felon.

...Nifty.

I'm guessing that makes your visits to the Big Apple too difficult to like, happen.

I had just come back from New York when I came here, actually. The Assassins Guild apparently makes exceptionally good fake passports. I'm sure the haircut and lack of scars helped me pass a background check.

Edited 2014-03-25 21:19 (UTC)

"Assassin's Guild"? You were part of an assassin's guild??

No. They were the ones who wanted me to kill Wolverine. I gave them the choice of one job on the house or I'd tear theirs apart at the foundation. [He didn't mind when they went after him. He cared when they went for his friends.]

Oh... You know, your life is so much more colorful than mine.

Oh yeah, my life's been a real joy. I'd wish it on anyone. [So much so he can't even remotely hide his sarcasm.]

Edited 2014-03-27 03:34 (UTC)

[Peter smiles, just a little.]

Say it long enough, and even you could start believing it.

I've never tried to fool myself into thinking that.

One day I'd like to be a convicted felon. Right now all I get is "menace to society." ...Which I guess is worse if you watch Fox News.

[His lip actually twitches at that.]

I've killed people! That is not something to aspire to!

And I've gotten people killed! Isn't that kinda just as bad?

[The words are out before he can take them back, and realizing that he said them out loud makes Peter shrink back into himself again, gaze dropping into his lap.]

[His grip tightens around Louise's badge.]

No, it's--!

[Freezes when he sees Peter's expression. Even if he wanted to, now wasn't the time to be arguing that actually commmitting murder was worse than accidentally letting someone get killed.

Softly.] Ben was never your fault, Peter.

[Peter desperately wishes he was holding something right now, something to grip and keep him grounded. As things are, he can only stare at his lap and let his hands clench into fists.]

Yeah? Well, what about Gwen? And her dad, Captain Stacy? All the innocent people who were killed by Carnage and Venom? They'd still be alive if it weren't for me. Aunt May's heart attack, MJ nearly getting thrown off a bridge- The Osborns would probably both still be alive if I hadn't turned into Spider-Man in the first place!

[That hits him a little too close to home. It was like hearing himself after the Galleria all over again. This kid was too young to have that kind of weight on his shoulders.]

Aunt May's alive. So is Mary Jane. And from what you told me, Gwen's back alive too. She might not be... perfect, but she's alive. If you weren't Spider-Man, how many people would have died? You're a good kid, Peter.

[He wonders how hollow his words sound. What would Peter think if he knew that speech was just him parroting something Donald said to him once? Something that he knew Donald was sincere about, but words he himself still don't believe. How could he expect Peter to believe it?

Why couldn't anyone else have been here. They... they would know what to do. He's not equipped to help people. Especially not when thoughts similar to that keep him up at night.]

I- I know. That's what I- I just keep telling myself that. But it's like no matter what I do, or how many people I try to help, I can't-- God. Someone always gets hurt, and I can't stop it.

[He muffles a groan as he buries his face in his hands. This really has turned into Share Time. And it suddenly occurs to Peter that there are only so many people in his life that he's shared all of this stuff with. Maybe only MJ, in fact. Not even Aunt May or Johnny know all this.]

I feel like I made half the things I fight. I'm always cleaning up after my own screwups. How many more people wouldn't have died if there never was a Spider-Man at all?

[Crap. This has gone too far off script to continue parroting Donald. Think. What would Donald say? Or Wally? Or Aracely? Or May? Or... hell, anyone but him. Because he has no idea what to say. He completely understands where Peter's coming from. No matter how much good he does, it's never enough. It will never even come close to balancing the scales; for every person he saves, it seems like two die. The only difference is with Peter he didn't first drown in blood to get to that point.]

People die every day, some in truly awful ways. You can't prevent them all. You... you're a hero, Peter. [He pauses. God, that was stupid. Where the hell was he going with that? Why couldn't he think of anything to say?

Why must he be the one having this conversation with this kid?

Just when it seems like he isn't going to say anything else, he adds softly:] As someone who blamed all of my problems on you... other you... for a long, long time... they aren't your problems--it isn't your cross--to bear. Only ours. [Runs his thumb over Louise's badge.]

Only ours.

[A hero. Peter at least wants to think of himself that way. He's always done his best to live up to the words given to him by Uncle Ben, a philosophy from his father. He's done some real good for people. He's protected people from getting hurt by those who may as well have been the definition of evil. Most importantly, in the end he was able to protect the people most important to him. But...]

I just... I'm sick of people getting hurt because of me in the first place. Because of what I've done.

What's the alternative?

[After he says that, one of the movies Donald forced him to watch comes to mind. God, this was going to be a stupid analogy, but he wasn't exactly good at this, either.] ....You ever watch It's a Wonderful Life? You're George Bailey, Parker.

[Peter frowns. The alternative? There isn't really an alternative, he supposes. Not a better one, anyway. He'd be a normal teenager, studying his bespectacled eyes out for college, and the super heroics would be left to the Ultimates and he wouldn't have to think about how many people died everyday. He wouldn't see it, but that didn't stop it from happening.

... Wow, I really am George Bailey, aren't I?]

I'm... actually not sure if I'm more surprised by how accurate that is, or by the fact that you've seen It's a Wonderful Life.

Donald made me watch a lot of things after deciding I lived under a rock for the past 10 years. [It's hard to sit and enjoy movies when your nerve endings are constantly exploding, okay?]

Well, you did live under a rock. But you had plenty good reason to.

[Peter goes quiet for a moment, letting his eyes wander around on the far side of the room.]

...Sorry. I didn't mean to like, wig out on you there.

I didn't know "travelling the world" counted as under a rock. Can you speak Japanese? [That... is that playful ribbing? Is he feeling okay?]

It's fine. [He pauses.] ...I'm sort-of you, remember? [Which is the closest he'll come to admitting he thinks that way all the time.]

Sure. It just sounds more like Elvish. [Peter always knew he'd get to you one day, Kaine.]

... You know, you're a hero, too. Maybe... Maybe not in the way you think is the right way, but... You've done a lot for me. So- and I know how lame this must sound, but- that kinda makes you my hero.

Then you're doing it wrong. [He says it in Japanese even though he knows it'll just get translated.]

Peter, I... [Stares hard at the floor.] I'm really no hero.

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