[video]

[highprofilerichkid]

[A dark-haired kid who seems to be in his late teens appears on screen. He smiles, but it looks a bit forced.]

Hey. Tony Stark. [He gives a small wave.] I just... got here, I guess, and got the rundown on the whole scary death chaos monster situation. And all the giant magic turtle stuff. Sounds like a good time. [He laughs awkwardly, and rubs the back of his neck.] Better than centipede monster void dimensions, at least, [he mutters. This is not the first time he’s been suddenly yanked into a different dimension, evidently.]

Anyway, uh, if anyone needs some tech stuff or heavy lifting done, hit me up. I haven’t had a chance to take a close look at the tech here yet, but I’m sure I’ll figure it out. [He seems to brighten a little at the prospect of new alien technology to play with.

He looks like he’s about to cut the feed, but then he hesitates. There’s a couple seconds of anxious silence, and he fidgets, his cheerful demeanor faltering even more.] And, um, just out of curiosity... When they send us back home, there’s... There is something to go back to, isn’t there? [He laughs, but it’s nervous, like he’s not sure he wants to know the answer.] Nobody would really give me a straight answer, but... They’re not going to send us back if we’re just about to... Well, you know, get blown up or something. Right? I mean, that would be pretty messed up.

Comments

[highprofilerichkid]

[Tony bristles a little at that. Even if she is joking.] Hey, it is super cool! I have a suit of flying power armor and I fight bad guys and I'm my own wifi hotspot, what's not cool about that? [Come on, who doesn't think Iron Man is awesome? Nothing wrong with being a nerd.]

Captain America is here? No way! They were serious about nabbing heroes, weren't they? [Captain America is the hero. Wow. Being on the same playing field as Captain America is a big deal.] So... that Bucky guy, too, he's actually Bucky? Like, Bucky, Bucky?

[He waves off her concerns about SHIELD.] Yeah, SHIELD can be huge jerks, but Extremis worked out fine. Besides, I had to take it - or I wouldn't have been able to keep being Iron Man.

[everylittlegirl]

The people who get hurt because of it. [She was going to let it go, but if he's going to play captain super awesome hero, then she's going to play reality check.]

I don't know Bucky. I mean, probably?

[Hayley's eyebrows quirk reflexively with her curiosity.] Why couldn't you keep being Iron Man without it? I don't think the other Tony ever took anything, but I don't know for sure.

[highprofilerichkid]

[Ouch, Hayley. Shots fired.

Tony scowls.] If they didn't want to get hurt, maybe they shouldn't have become criminals, [he snaps.

To her question about Extremis, he responds, just as tersely,] I had a heart condition from when one of my enemies blew up my jet. About a year later I was fighting another criminal - you know, to keep him from running around the city electrocuting people - and he almost killed me. It messed up my heart even worse, and the doctor who saved me said my heart wouldn't be able to take the strain anymore. So I took a dose of Extremis. It was that, or give up Iron Man for good.

But hey, maybe I shouldn't have bothered. Mandarin and Mallen were such nice guys, I'm sure they just needed some ice cream and a big hug.

[Hayley has definitely hit a nerve here.]

[everylittlegirl]

[Hayley bristles, her tone matching his with irritation.]

Oh, because no innocent people ever get hurt while someone's playing superhero.

[She huffs.] I'm not talking about the stupid criminals. If people are running around committing crimes, obviously they deserve what they get, but you're talking about a super powered suit with rockets and whatever else powered by a teenager with a super serum and you expect me to believe no one's ever been hurt or died because you were too busy chasing the criminal to make sure no one else was in the way?

I mean, I get it. The whole superhero thing really is a noble cause and someone needs to stop the super villains. I'm just saying maybe you should be careful about the jokes you're making.

[highprofilerichkid]

I don't use rockets when there are people around! [Yeah he does.] My repulsors aren't lethal, [They aren't! At long range. And low power.] which is more than I can say for anybody else's weapons. Just because I'm eighteen doesn't mean I'm some amateur, running around like a moron and shooting lasers at hot dog carts. I know what I'm doing. So unless you want to put on the suit and see if you can do better, why don't you back off?

[Man, he doesn't want to antagonize anybody so soon after getting here, but this girl is really ticking him off. What does she know about the "whole superhero thing," huh? The citizens of New York didn't seem to have any complaints about how he handled the gangs and supervillains. He bets she'd be plenty happy to see Iron Man show up if she was a beat cop caught in a shoot-out with thirty Maggia thugs.

Translation: she has him dead to rights.]

[everylittlegirl]

I'm pretty sure I'd be terrible in the suit? But that doesn't make you right. It just means I don't have any experience where, yeah, I really hope you have some.

I'm not- [She sighs.] I don't mean to say you should never use your suit or that you're going around lighting people on fire. My point was just to.. I don't know, be more careful about what you say. There are a lot of superheroes here and most of them are responsible for good people dying. The last thing we need is more death.

[highprofilerichkid]

Thanks, Miss Manners, I'll be sure to submit all my jokes for your approval in the future. But while we're at it, maybe you could cool it on the alcoholism cracks. [Hey, he was going to let it go. But if she's gonna call him out, he's going to return the favor.

This conversation took a quick u-turn into pretty heavy territory, though, so he tries to settle his ruffled feathers.] Sorry. I wasn't... I've never been in a real war before. [He shakes his head.] This place is really messed up.

[everylittlegirl]

Okay. [She agrees. Because really, he has a point and it doesn't hurt her any to stop. Of course, she's not too fussed about changing her mind later either.]

I would say you get used to it? But you really don't.

[A beat.] And it's Miss Stark, by the way. No relation. Obviously. Although you could call me Hayley if you're feeling less angry and insulting.

[highprofilerichkid]

More Starks, huh? Maybe this emperor guy just likes the name. Well, Miss Stark, thanks for the heads up. I promise, I'll try really hard not to vaporize any hot dog vendors while I'm here. [His tone is not exactly friendly, but it isn't outright sarcastic, either. He's not conceding the point, but he'll accept an amicable cease-fire for now.]

[everylittlegirl]

Thanks, Mr Stark.

[She sighs a little, knowing he's making an effort.] If you want to show up to Stark Industries this afternoon, I'll give you a tour, okay? We can find you a lab and all I ask in return? No experimenting on animals, no experimenting on people without their consent, and try to lighten up.

[highprofilerichkid]

Holy shit, what kind of mad scientist do I look like?

[Animal and human experimentation?! For fuck's sake, he's an engineer! The only human he experiments on is himself, when he's testing the suits -- which is stupid, but not, you know, unethical.]

Please tell me you're not including that condition because of something one of the other Tonys did. [Because if so, again: what the hell, older alternate universe selves.]

[everylittlegirl]

You're the one who was talking about super soldier serums, remember? None of the other Tonys injected anyone with anything that I know about.

[highprofilerichkid]

Yeah, that I used on myself, once, so I wouldn't die. I wasn't even the one who developed it! But okay. [He raises his hands in surrender.] Terms accepted. Yikes.

forever late due to hiatus; feel free to drop

[everylittlegirl]

Who developed it then?

I will backtag into infinity

[highprofilerichkid]

Like I said, SHIELD did. And in case it wasn't clear, I don't work for them. [He sounds annoyed, but not at Hayley. Iron Man's relationship with SHIELD is... complicated.] The guy who runs it doesn't like me very much.

Re: I will backtag into infinity

[everylittlegirl]

Then why are you so defensive about it?

[highprofilerichkid]

Because you're so on my case about it?

[everylittlegirl]

Because it's creepy and weird!

Yeah, well, that's just, like, your opinion, man

[highprofilerichkid]

Well, sorry I didn't want to spend the rest of my life in a hospital bed? I guess I got used to "creepy and weird" experimental technology since experimental technology was the only thing keeping me alive in the first place.

<3

[everylittlegirl]

I'm glad you're not in a hospital bed, but you can't seriously say that some magical shot that made you all better isn't totally weird.

I'm still laughing about that subject line. I'M HILARIOUS

[highprofilerichkid]

Wouldn't know it from the way you've been acting, [Tony mutters under his breath.]

So what? If creepy and weird is what it takes to keep me alive and in the game, fine. It's not like I'm not used to being the weird one anyway, [he says, scowling.

(Hey, you try being a recently-orphaned homeschooled kid entering high school for the first time ever. That shit's brutal.)]

All my lulz are belong to you

[everylittlegirl]

That whole obsession with survival thing can lead to a lot of dark places, you know? A serum here, some organ theft there.. It's a slippery slope.

[highprofilerichkid]

[...And here we are back at the freaky mad science stuff again.] Okay, now that is seriously creepy. Where the heck are you from, anyway? Is organ-stealing and human experimentation a popular pastime in your universe or something?

[everylittlegirl]

It's not popular, but it happens. Along with sex trafficking and slave rings and a lot of other awful, terrible things that no one should ever have to go through.

she wrung an honest-to-god apology out of him, it's a Christmas miracle

[highprofilerichkid]

[With that, it finally clicks for Tony that this kind of stuff may be something Hayley has personal experience with. That would explain how dogged she's being. That would also make Tony a huge asshole right now. Nice. Nicely done, supergenius.]

I... Sorry. I guess I... don't usually see... that side of things, [he admits, looking properly chastened.] I just fight the guys in power armor. The police are the ones who deal with that kind of stuff. But I swear, I'd never do anything like that. I'd never hurt innocent people to save my own life. My dad always says we should use technology to help people, and that's all I want to do. I took Extremis so I could keep doing that. Not just to save myself.