tushanshu | [handset; audio] 002

[Xion finds it easier to go with voice for this; it affords her a certain sense of anonymity, but doesn't give her the same opportunity to censor and second-guess herself that text has proven to allow, when she's tried to use it thus far. It's still not easy to talk about. Maybe that's why she does this when she does. Part of it is because these thoughts are keeping her up of course, whirling around her head until sleep seems impossible. On the other, it means maybe people are less likely to see this. Maybe.]

Is... there anybody you really, really miss?

[There's a moment, and then she laughs a little to herself, though there's no humor in it.]

I guess... that's almost a silly question, huh?

[Deep breath, in and out. Anybody can probably hear the sigh whuffling across the feed.]

Back home, I had my friends. But then I... left. A lot of stuff had happened, and I just needed to think for a while. But... I hadn't meant to stay away, not forever. I was going to go back... but now I don't know if I'll ever see them again. That's what everybody keeps saying, right? That there's no way to go home.

How do we know if they're okay? People we've... left behind? And... Even if they are okay, even if... if they don't notice we're gone...

[She trails off, not quite sure how to articulate her thoughts on the matter. Whatever else though, it's something uncomfortable she doesn't really care to contemplate. And yet it's hard not to.]

I guess I'm just... [worried] Never mind.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

You can return to your world. You just can't choose when that will happen. Or if you'll come back. A little over a year ago, a lot of the Non-Kedan were trapped in the realm of the Dreaming. One of the Kedan worked very hard to send us back to our worlds. But even doing that, some of us returned. So we can go back, but it's not usually by choice.

Someone told me about that, a little after I got here. He said how some people chose to stay, too.

[And of course, as she'd told Zelgadis, she'd already figured that some people had to have gone home, to know how things went there.]

But... but if it's... if it's only by mistake or chance or something... what if "when" never comes? What'll happen to our friends if we're stuck here forever?

[Not to mention they themselves, who wanted to go home so much.]

We won't be. When we go back, we return to the moment we left. We don't even remember our time here. It's like the whole of the world just pauses and we step out of it. And when we step back, it starts moving again. But for the rest of the world, there is no change.

[He tried to sound reassuring.]

It might be years, but we'll slip back eventually.

[Xion makes a very soft noncommittal noise. The idea of being here for years until she's able to see her friends again isn't exactly an appealing one. And what if she has things here she doesn't want to forget by then...?

She doesn't like so much about this whole situation... but she's trapped here for now isn't she?]

Do you have anybody you miss?

Yeah. But I wouldn't get to see them anyway, even if I was back home.

[He sighed, trying to hide the sadness in his voice by keeping it light.]

And I have people here that I care about and wouldn't be able to see if I left. So I'm glad for the chance to spend time with them.

[Friends he wouldn't be able to have back home, huh? The idea isn't... too strange. In some ways.]

Maybe I should be happy. I'm... I'm getting chances I never would've back home.

[Aqua's offer, and everything it means. That she sees enough in Xion to even ask at all. To give Xion a chance to learn more than she ever could have back home... even if Aqua didn't know.]

But... we lose it all when we go home right? We forget...

[No matter how important...

Not that she feels like she should just... do nothing. Not entirely at least, though it would be a lie to say the thought hadn't occurred to her. There's just a sort of... inherent helplessness. She can't control when she goes back. But staying here and trying to make a life of it has its own risks, because if she were to suddenly the same force as whatever mistake brought her here... she'd lose it all.]

You don't have to be happy. Don't force yourself to be.

[Wan's face fell at her attempt to justify excuse away her pain and make it feel like it didn't matter.]

It's true that we get chances here we don't in our worlds, but it's also true we're away from everything we used to know. It's not easy for most people. It can be hard. And it's okay to hurt. You have every right to feel sad about this. Don't pretend otherwise. It'll only make things worse.

[Xion makes a noise of despairing frustration and - though he can't see it, rubs at her face. Everything everyone was saying was making it seem all mixed up and more confusing.]

Everybody keeps saying all these different things. That it doesn't get easier, but it goes away if I wait? That focusing on it makes things worse, but I shouldn't try to make myself be happy. There's nothing I can do, but I can make new friends or do new things and that should help. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. [Or think, besides thinking this whole network post was a bad idea.] I shouldn't be able to even feel all this anyway.

[There's a few moments where she just... breathes and thinks]

Back home, when things were... a mess... my friend Axel... he knew how to make it seem less confusing.

[Even if half the times, his explanation was "We'll understand better when we have hearts."

She really wishes he was here.]

Edited 2015-03-22 02:41 (UTC)

[handset; audio] 002 - late at night

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Aaaand we're back sorry for the holdeup

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