[console] video; RELUCTANTLY. SO RELUCTANTLY.

[skeletonenigma]

[As the old year ends and the new year begins - or whatever the closest equivalent is for the kedan, but definitely sometime in the middle of the night when the least amount of people are likely to be sitting in front of a console - Skulduggery appears on screen.

The first thing you'll notice is that he's wearing a suit.

It's a tacky red Christmas sweater suit, covered in snowmen and Christmas trees.

On top of this startling sight, Skulduggery's wearing a knit scarf with reindeer on it, nestled neatly but visibly underneath a different knit scarf with mistletoe on it. In place of the usual 1940s private eye hat sitting on top of his head, there's a knit bobble hat with reindeer antlers attached to each side. He's broken into a small cafe to use their public console, and there's a small group of about four kedan children just visible over his left shoulder singing Joy to the World. It's a halting rendition; these children only learned the words last week. But they're happily humming over the parts they don't remember, and having the time of their lives.]

Hello, Keeliai. Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year.

[This is clearly a bid to fulfill the condition of a piece of blackmail during a time when there won't be many people around to witness it. Unfortunately for Skulduggery, messages left on the console network can be saved and replayed by anyone at any time, and his message is unlikely to be buried before morning.

So he might as well add to it.]

Erskine Ravel and Solomon Wreath, by the way, are both planning to overthrow Keeliai's current government.

[Because who else would sic unwanted music on Skul 24/7. Who else.]

Comments

[peacefullywreathed]

Skulduggery Pleasant, I am aghast. I am agog. Are you suggesting I'd settle for a mere city?

Happy slightly belated birthday, by the way.

[Yes. Yes, he did just say that on public network.]

[ruinsprofessor]

[Absently, in the background, as Raine passes behind him:]

You'd likely have some difficulty maintaining governance over anything else from Tu Vishan alone, but regardless, please try to keep the governmental overthrow to a minimum. Both of you.

[And a bit louder:]

Happy birthday, Skulduggery, and happy new year as well.

[And she's out of the room again. Did not even look up from her book long enough to witness the fashion monstrosity. She'll see it later.]

[skeletonenigma]

[Words cannot express how much he hates you right now, Wreath.]

Given that we're on the back of a transient turtle -

[ - and then Raine passes through the room and wow, Wreath, Skulduggery hates you even more.]

Out of a sense of morbid curiosity, who did you get to make you this suit?

video;

[edgeoftheknife]

[I'm sorry, I hope you weren't expecting a coherent reply to this.

Because Erskine is howling with laughter. So much so that he's in real danger of tipping over and falling out of his seat at the console in the Hotel.]

video;

[skeletonenigma]

[Sigh.

... Sigh.

Even more pointed sigh.

Seriously, Ravel, you can stop laughing any minute now.]

video;

[gistful]

[Anton is distracted from some low-grade kedanese revelry to Erskine's ... ravelry. He peers over Erskine's shoulder, half squints, and then says very gravely:]

I'm ashamed and insulted that my scarf is associated with this ensemble, I'll have you know.

[highprofilerichkid]

Love the new look, Skul. [Tony is grinning, outfitted (slightly) less comically in his new Christmas scarf and a very silly homemade party hat.] I think I'm going to make it my new lock screen. [He holds up his phone: he's taken a picture of the console screen, to record this moment for posterity.]

So if the government is being overthrown, does that mean we get to throw tea into the harbor? I've always wanted to do that.

[skeletonenigma]

Hello, Tony. [The tone is so incredibly long-suffering that it nearly rounds out the other side to becoming sympathetic, if you're the sort of person who's prone to feeling sympathetic for people wearing ridiculous Christmas sweaters.]

I have no idea. I'm not planning to overthrow anything. I'd recommend asking Wreath or Ravel. And then I'd recommend doing the exact opposite of whatever they tell you.

[highprofilerichkid]

[Tony would not be that sort of person, no. 100% hilarity, 0% sympathy over here.]

Unless they tell me to throw tea in a harbor, obviously. Then I'm definitely going to do that.

[inkulcation]

My darling, that is a monstrosity.

[The reason she is not positively caroling with laughter is that she got all that out about five minutes ago.]

[This? This is worth acknowledging Skulduggery for.]

[skeletonenigma]

[... Ah. China. It's not precisely that Skulduggery was worried about her seeing this; honestly, he hasn't given China's reaction a second thought. But for their first conversation since Skulduggery was brought back to life, he was hoping for a more respectable setting than this.

Like a fight. A fight would be very respectable.]

I couldn't agree with you more.

[inkulcation]

[She rests her chin in her hand; her eyes very nearly twinkle. She's enjoying his suffering.]

Then is it Ravel that's responsible for the clothing, and Wreath for the children, or did they collaborate? A less likely pair of conspirators I've yet to find, but I must admire their work.

Goodness, whatever they have on you must be monumental.

[redlightgreenlight]

And to what government are you referring?

[She has a small smile on her face, highly amused by his decor but not enough to warrant a comment on it]

[skeletonenigma]

The current system by which Keeliai is governed.

[He'd probably be more willing to engage, explain, or make a joke if he wasn't wearing an ugly Christmas sweater suit and a Rudolph hat.]

[redlightgreenlight]

[The screen goes black for a few moments, and the only sound is the hysterical laughter coming from the other end. Then the screen lights up again and she seems perfectly calm.]

I see.

[She really is struggling to keep her calm.]

[lasergrenades]

Oh my god. Oh my god.

[Pepper is staring at Skul with a mixture of horror and absolute amusement, and she collapses into giggles. After a minute she's still laughing soundlessly, turning slightly red for lack of proper breathing. Eventually, she calms down enough to speak again.]

That thing is awful. I have two questions. One, what did you do to have to wear that suit; and two, where can I get more? Don't you ever throw that away it's brilliant.

[skeletonenigma]

[There's something about being laughed at by a teenage redhead you're rather fond of which just melts all of the irritation away. Not that it's a good thing - the irritation is replaced by far less welcome embarrassment, and it takes Skulduggery a few moments to reply.]

To answer your first question, I have no idea. These days all it seems to take is my existing in Wreath's general vicinity. To answer your second question, I have no idea. And even if I did, I wouldn't tell you.

[lasergrenades]

[Don't worry, Skul. Pepper has no intention of using this for blackmail, and actually thinks this is pretty great.]

Aw, why not? You know I only use my powers for good. [She wouldn't sic it on undeserving people, at the very least, but there's mischief in her grin.] You pull off the garish Christmas look really well, by the way.

[unetrustworthy]

[Normally--and this was approximately 99 times out of a hundred--Midii had no stance whatsoever with regards to commenting on fashion choices. With the exception of special occasions, when she would ask for the help of local shopkeepers or people she was familiar with and trusted the opinion of...her day to day wardrobe consisted of simple jeans, sweaters, t-shirts, the occasional tank top in the summer, and sneakers. Comfortable and functional. Hardly fashionable.]

[This time, however...]

You look ridiculous.

[skeletonenigma]

[Skulduggery, by contrast, is surprisingly fashion-conscious for a living skeleton. After all, when the only appearance people can judge you by is your clothing, why wouldn't you be? The suit he's wearing now isn't unusual for being a suit, or even a tailored suit - it's unusual for looking patently ridiculous.

And also for having a Christmas theme. Guess who the Grinch was modelled after.]

Thank you. You're too kind.

[Really. Much too kind.]

[unetrustworthy]

[She's been practicing her kindness. You're welcome.]

Why are you wearing that outfit?

video;

[insertdadjoke]

Please tell me they made those themselves.

video;

[skeletonenigma]

I doubt it. Solomon's blind, and Erskine had to learn how to use cleaning products several months ago. He's no tailor.

[It's most certainly their idea and their plan, though, so they get no points whatsoever in the manufacturing department - particularly with the carolling kedan still singing behind Skulduggery.

Carolling kedan. What a spectacle.]

[dragonaught]

[ Poor confused Casey, this is their first time actually seeing Skulduggery around. Any whispers and idle comments of the walking skeleton were brushed off beforehand as local vernacular or something of the sort. Now they're just sort of... staring. ]

I don't understand.

[skeletonenigma]

[There have been so many people logging in and leaving comments just to poke fun at Skulduggery that, for a moment, he doesn't realise he hasn't met Casey before. The response is smooth, instinctive, delivered without adequate forethought or recognition.]

Neither do I. There's no pay-off, apart from this one public embarrassment. The only person who took a photograph wasn't even involved in the -

[ - oh.

Hello, small child.]

Have we met?