tushanshu | video;

Seems like there's been a lot going on during the couple of months since I got here - good things. New ideas, beginnings. I've also had the pleasure of talking to several of you who've been here for awhile yourselves. Most have talked about Keeliai like it's home now.

[Steve smiles at that word, but there's something almost sad about it. 'Home' will always be a complicated subject for him.]

I just celebrated my first birthday here, but I think it might take a bit longer to feel that way to me. I do have an idea that I think might help. I wanted to talk to those of you who've opened businesses here, get some advice. I have an idea for something, and a heck of a partner, but I haven't exactly amassed a fortune. [Where's a genius billionaire playboy philanthropist when you need one. He sighs, but when the little bird nearby starts to sing, his spirits are lifted again.] As much as going in debt goes against my better judgment, it's an option I'm willing to consider to get the ball rolling. The question is, is there any place that even gives loans to Foreigners?

Until then, if anyone needs some one-on-one training, I've got the time for it. Unless you'd rather be trained by the three-time YMCA welterweight boxing champ.

[He knows you used to pull your punches, Barnes. Steve doubts that he will the next time. His smile turns a little bit sly before he ends the feed.]

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[ the stupid bird is chirruping like he's taunting bucky through the camera, and bucky gives the bird a look

the bird looks back beadily ]

Are you really sure we can't eat it?

[ But he's already moving; he's out of the frame here and there, getting ready, and it's clear from the screen that he's on his way to meeting Steve. This is still weird, really weird, but Bucky doesn't care. Steve is here, and Steve is the one thing keeping Bucky from really going off the rails, and that has to be enough. ]

[He's just singing, Bucky. Birds do that. Or at least that's what Steve would say.]

He wouldn't even make a good mouthful for you.

[He knows not the intense rivalry that has started up between man and beast...bird. Steve waits for him, familiar enough with the city by now to recognize where Bucky was and know about how long it'll take him to reach him.]

[ That is a demon bird that Bucky will deep fry once you look away, Steve. What kind of a bird had horns, anyway?

He meets up with him in minutes, hands in his pockets, and blithely ignoring the bird, who seems to have made his home on Steve's shoulder. ]

Where are we going?

I've got no plans.

[He always feels better when Bucky's around. When he smiles, it's not just for the sake of politeness. He feels like he has a purpose, and that purpose is to make up for lost time.]

Could just walk and see where we end up?

[ It's all right, it's not like Bucky's made any plans beyond filling in details of the day in his notebook, and marking down all the interesting things of note he'd come across.

Steve lights up like a little sun, and he wonders if anyone's told him that -- he wonders if he's ever looked at anyone else that way; if they'd thought the same thing. ]

Sure. [ He falls into step with him, decides that this, too, isn't a bad way to pass the time. Steve is here and no one else is coming after him (for now); one can get used to this, right? ] Where did you find the bird?

[No one's ever told him, and there's a reason for it. Falling into step beside Bucky is the closest he's ever felt to home.]

He found me. [Steve glances at Sam, lifting his hand to rub its head and little horns with one finger.] I was trying to sketch him and he just stuck around. [His attention turns to Bucky then.] That reminds me, I saw you writing in something the other day.

[He leaves it open, waiting to see what he'll volunteer first.]

[ Sam trills contentedly, rubbing against Steve's finger. Bucky's distracted for a moment, before he registers Steve is asking about something else -- the notebook in the backpack that he carries everywhere, one of the very few belongings that he has. ]

Yeah? [ He knows what Steve's doing, of course, and he takes a few moments to decide. Would that invite more questions he can't answer? ] What about it?

[Bucky turns it back on him, which Steve knew was a very real possibility. It's his move now, and he weights it carefully.]

Nothing. It's just...that's new. I don't remember you ever doing that before.

No, I haven't.

[ It's his little secret, his lifeline, the one thing that will help him to remember. But the thing is -- won't Steve help him, too? He's the one who cracked him open and showed him who he had been even though he's very sure he probably won't be anything resembling himself ever again.

He's quiet for a long moment. ]

I'm writing things down.

[ Bucky doesn't respond for a very long time, weighing the response in his mind, contemplating the outcome of it. What should he tell him? He remembers being able to tell him everything once -- but that was a long time ago, a memory that barely registers anymore.

But he has an impression of it; how he had trusted him, how they'd gotten into trouble together, thick as thieves. It's long minutes later that he finally says, ]

It's how I remember things. People.

[ You. His brothers-in-arms. Family. Because they can be taken away from him anytime, these memories, these moments, the things that slip from his grasp that he doesn't yet know about. He doesn't want to lose them again. ]

[He won't lose them. Not if Steve has anything to say about it.

He feels a little spike of hope in his chest, but he proceeds with more caution than he's ever shown anything in his life. Bucky's built like a tank, broad-shouldered with an arm that shouldn't be messed with - he's been on the receiving end of it, he knows. But there's still something vulnerable about him. Fragile. Steve wouldn't endanger that for anything.]

Anything I can help with?

Like what?

[ Bucky's curious -- not for himself, but for Steve, who seems to take this as another burden to bear, even when he sees the hope in his eyes. He wonders if Steve thinks it's his fault, too; and if it matters anymore, either way. What's done is done, there's no way to turn back time.

He's gathering the shredded tatters of what he was before to figure out just what he is now, and Steve is an immense part of that narrative, that image. ]

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