tushanshu | 01 rolled in

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[ a haggard looking young man sits on a bed, his hands wringing together over and over again as he speaks. There's a hollowness to his stare, and he takes a little longer than most between his sentences, thoughtfully ]

I was working...on having responsibilities again. I baked bread starting at four in the morning until noon. At noon I fed the geese. Depending on the day, I might have free time after that, but by dinner I helped Katniss cook and I would dead-head the flowers in the garden.

The schedule...helped.

[ his hands spasm erratically for a moment, then still as Peeta clenches his jaw ]

And now I'm here. [ he offers a tight smile ] And that means I'm not feeding geese and the garden's not going anywhere anytime soon. Not to mention there's a possible deer overpopulation problem in District Twelve.

[ he sighs ]

So there go my responsibilities. And schedule. I guess this serves as a fair warning for you all.

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Acute anxiety and difficulty functioning, perhaps?

I believe for myself in a slightly more colloquial manner it would be more along the lines of "change scares me beyond my ability to cope with it, in addition to making every other sort of stimuli that causes me stress more likely to set off a meltdown".

I... had basic handgun training, when I joined Fringe Division. It did not go well, the noise and the tactile sensation of shooting was not easy for me to handle. They didn't spend much time on it after that, since I'm not a field agent and was not expected to ever be working outside of HQ.

[ the first genuine smile since he woke up here] And something about increased emotional arousal and symptomatic triggers perpetuating violent episodes.

But I think I like your definition better.

[ he closes his eyes, a hand rubbing the back of his neck as he weighs his options. Company is a...complicated thing for him now. But Aurelis had spoken about having a contact during his sessions...]

I'm not as good at socializing as I used to be, but maybe we can figure something out. Is it alright if it's done where people can see us? [ in case he relapses. in case he needs to be stopped. ] In case there's a said acute period?

I can see how that would be problematic for you, especially in light of losing your stabilizing influence.

I have never been particularly skilled at socializing. It is much easier for me to come across as though I am in text, but even then, I know I'm overly formal, after a fashion, and I have a tendency to take things literally. If you have previous experience with easier socializing, then you have one up on me, as they say.

I am not opposed to interactions made explicitly in public as long as it does not have be be a dense crowd - large groups of people are not generally very comfortable for me.

My name is Astrid, by the way.

[ she reminds him a bit of Beetee and Wiress, or at least what he remembers correctly about Beetee and Wiress ]

Formal's okay. It's, um, refreshing. Actually.

No, I don't think I'd be up for something like that either. Just. In plain sight. So if something goes wrong, you're able to...

[ he gives a helpless gesture with his hands. he sits for a few seconds in contemplation, before offering: ]

I like painting, sometimes. And baking. What do you like to do?

I have no desire to be injured in any way, or to allow you to injure anyone when you are having a meltdown. It is the most logical way of doing things, at least until you have a routine and are less likely to be overstimulated.

[ Astrid is not afraid of him - he just has a different type of meltdown than she does. ]

I do not do much recreationally, I will admit. I read, and occasionally watch movies. Most of my time was spent working.

Baking is an interesting science, though I have not tried it more than a few times. The interactions of the ingredients, which need to be measured precisely in order to mix properly and produce your desired result, is reassuring, if nothing else.

I have never painted. Is it enjoyable?

[ relief flits across his features ] Thanks. For not having that desire.

Reassuring's a good word for it. I like the repetition, mostly. It's comforting. My father taught me a lot of recipes, if you'd ever feel like trying it.

[ the question gives him pause. he's never really thought of it before ]

I'm not sure. It's a distraction.

Repetition is good. A routine within a routine, if you do it regularly.

I think I would like to try that, yes.

Perhaps I will try to paint as well. I have never attempted to be artistic before. I might like it. And it isn't as though I have anything else to do in this place.

Back in Panem, I baked every day for at least eight hours. It helped, with everything else going on. I've made a few of my own recipes too, and I remember most of them if you want to maybe try them.

It looks like we'll have a lot of time to develop hobbies. [ voiced out loud, but like an afterthought ] Like when we returned to the Victor's village after the Games.

Eight hours would produce large amounts of baked goods. We would not be able to consume them ourselves if we do not wish to intake more carbohydrates than is healthy.

What are the games?

Back home, I would give them away. But the kedan said we have to work. Maybe we can keep ourselves occupied and distribute the...excess carbohydrates.

[ a long, measured intake of breath. he forgets that no one (or at least, nearly no one ) here is from Panem ]

In short? Twenty-four tributes between the ages of twelve and eighteen enter an arena. One comes out.

That would be acceptable. I would not have to attempt to acquire another form of employment among the kedan. My efforts thus far have been less than successful.

I assume that the other twenty-three are killed? That is barbaric and unethical on a very basic level.

You were a tribute, yes? I will not ask any further questions about it. If you wish to discuss it with me at any point in the future that is your decision, but I would not like to bring up memories of that sort. I am not overly known for my tact, but I am not incapable of empathy no matter what some in the medical community would claim.

[ a grin ] It could almost start to sound fun, if we forget entirely where we are.

Yes, I was. My games were different, though. [ he slowly rubs his hands together ] And yeah, the losers were killed. And it was barbaric and unethical on very basic levels.

It is maybe good that you are here. I could be biased being from a different world, but living in a world where something like that takes place when you are unstable does not seem to be a good or helpful environment for healing or recovering.

No, generally in Panem we think it's not a good environment for healing or recovery, either. [ he shrugs ] It's done now. Though. The Games are over. And everyone's trying to rebuild again. People are developing talents.

But here seems like it might just be another arena.

Perhaps. But I do not think that it would be the same sort of game, given the setting. More likely, we are useful in some way that the kedan and/or the Emperor have not revealed yet.

Before we can turn our minds to discovering the purpose they have in mind for us, we must stabilize ourselves through the production of baked goods.

[ It's sort of a joke! Not that she makes that obvious... ]

You don't have to be useful for someone to want to control you.

Right. [ he shakes his head but there's a hint of a smile on his face ] Baked goods.

I haven't really walked around here much. [ due to being afraid of accidentally deading people ] Do you know where we might be able to buy ingredients? Any markets?

There are markets near my suite. I can see what they have. If you can give me a list of necessary ingredients I can locate places to purchase as many as I can.

Having something to do, even if it involves dealing with crowds, would be a good distraction.

I guess that depends on what you want to start out with. [ he reaches into his pocket, pulling out some coins ] They gave me money, so I can help, a little. But we probably won't be able to do anything complicated until some sales are made.

[ he counts the money ] Maybe enough for some different breads and cakes?

Yes, we should be able to afford that much. They provided me with money as well, but I do not require much and have not spent any of it yet.

Same. Maybe we can try the...going out in public thing. To a market. [ he stops, considering ] Though it might be better if I just think up a list.

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