01 rolled in | video

[howherolls]

 [ a haggard looking young man sits on a bed, his hands wringing together over and over again as he speaks. There's a hollowness to his stare, and he takes a little longer than most between his sentences, thoughtfully ]

I was working...on having responsibilities again. I baked bread starting at four in the morning until noon. At noon I fed the geese. Depending on the day, I might have free time after that, but by dinner I helped Katniss cook and I would dead-head the flowers in the garden.

The schedule...helped.

[ his hands spasm erratically for a moment, then still as Peeta clenches his jaw ]

And now I'm here. [ he offers a tight smile ] And that means I'm not feeding geese and the garden's not going anywhere anytime soon. Not to mention there's a possible deer overpopulation problem in District Twelve.

[ he sighs ]

So there go my responsibilities. And schedule. I guess this serves as a fair warning for you all.

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[howherolls]

No. It's not good for anymore. [ he closes his eyes and takes a deep breath ] I've been better. But, as Aurelis would say, better isn't fixed and I have no idea if being here is going to help. But I don't want to be putting anyone at risk.

Maybe. She doesn't socialize much.

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[agentdork]

...All things considered, here ain't terrible. Isn't the best, either, but it could always be worse. [ still, that last part. ] You uh. Mind explaining why you think you'd be a danger?

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[howherolls]

It's not what I'm used to. And that can be a problem. [ he tries to smile but fails. his mind goes back to the Games, where Katniss tried to shoot him in the throat, how the only way to stop her was by catching her off guard- ] I was hijacked.

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[agentdork]

Can be, yeah.

What's hijacked? F'you don't mind me asking.

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[howherolls]

[ his hands start to tremble ]

It's.

[ his voice grows a little more detached and his expression gets vacant ]

A torture technique used by the Capitol. They change their subjects' memories by injecting them with a venom that causes hallucinations and then direct the hallucinations. Most people can't survive more than a few injections at once.

I had...I think twenty four. The time I was there. It all gets lost in the [ he waves his hand ] the shiny of it.

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[agentdork]

[ Motherfucker. He shouldn't have asked - he sees that look, knows that look ]

Hey-- hey, kid, I'm sorry. Shouldn't have asked. You okay?

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[howherolls]

[ he keeps staring ]

They only did it with me. Each time they would bring in people I knew. At least, people I thought I knew. From my District. They would be so loud but then parts of them wouldn't be there anymore.

Maybe that's why they didn't try it with Johanna instead. She didn't have people with parts.

york's just like OH GOD I'M AN UNINTENTIONALLY TERRIBLE PERSON

[agentdork]

But you're not there.

[ York isn't sure if Peeta's just talking or if he's snapping back into that- he's seen Wash do it, and doesn't want it to happen to this guy, too, calling out for a dead woman, unable to tell what's going on. ]

Blondie, look at me, okay. They're sure as not here.

PEETA WILL JUST *ROLL* INTO A BALL NOW. lmfao alas, poor york!!

[howherolls]

Part of me is always there.

[ he watches his hands as he slides them back and forth against each other. ]

And I can't get them to leave. The memories, that is. Sometimes it works but...there are times when it doesn't.

oh god baby :( York wants to wrap him in blankets skldfjh

[agentdork]

It happens to everyone- memories gettin' stuck in your head, I mean. [ York's voice goes a little softer. ] I mean-- I'm not the reigning expert, but, two've my best friends went through something similar. They got better, though. It gets easier.

one day they can have scones and blanket forts of comfort. one daaaaay

[howherolls]

I have two of the same event. Two of a lot of events. In half of them she kills me, kills everyone. In the other half she's more...selective.

:( york'll cook and peeta can bake. let him adopt you, tiny blond kiddo 'n'

[agentdork]

...People will mess with your head a whole helluva lot. Worse, if they know it's about someone you care for. You got anything that grounds you? A constant, somethin' that helps you pick apart what's fake and not?

okay 8C Peeta doesn't have parents anymore so 8|||||

[howherolls]

[ his voice is still distant and he's still not looking directly into the feed. only after a while does he whisper: ]

Real or Not Real.

:( York's prolly old enough, lol. IDK how old Peeta is but York's like near late 30s?

[agentdork]

[ man this is like FLASHBACKS TO CAROLINA AND WASH part two, except with less battle-hardened soldier and more precious baby get in in a pile of blankets. He doesn't know what that's referencing, but it makes his stomach twist and flip. ]

This? This is real.

And that girl lookin' for you? The one who seemed like she was pretty invested in you bein' okay? She's real too. And that whole investment bit? Real.

haha close! Peeta's 17-18ish from his canonpoint

[howherolls]

Sometimes she is, sometimes she isn't.

I had to stop her once. But then... [ he frowns, and some emotion filters into his voice ] Something stopped me. Soldiers?

/nodnod

[agentdork]

Glad we got some use.

[ It's a poor attempt at a joke. :( ]

She seems awfully real to me. ...Are you two sure it's a good idea to see each other?

york can be his cool fonzie-esque older brother figure

[howherolls]

No. I might try killing her again.

yes good.

[agentdork]

...You any stronger than power armor?

[ wait, they don't have that, do they. :|a ] Uh. Big-- really heavy metal like a suit of armor?

Ohana means family~

[howherolls]

I don't know. [ his fingers flex ] My limits haven't been tested in that regard.

;_;

[agentdork]

Huh. Well, unless you go all magic and somehow can punch through armor, I think my armor could take it, if you two need a chaperone, as it were.

/;3;/

[howherolls]

[ he nods ]

That would be a good idea, I think. Something to...stop me when it gets shiny.

[agentdork]

Yeah, I can swing it. Haven't found anything that can get through armor yet, 'cept bullets. Just let me know when?

[howherolls]

Always.