tushanshu | [002] [Video, no mask] So, about that aging thing...

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[002] [Video, no mask] So, about that aging thing...

Have we ever worked out whether or not we're aging here?

Asking for a friend.

[No, he's asking because his birthday has passed without having to have a party. Yes, the slightly smug look on his face is for you, Bruce. Enjoy.]

[Private to Kon, 75% Encryption]

I hear you're going to school me in chess.

[Yes, Dinah, he uses 'schooled.']

[Text to Dick]

you've got mail

[It's the flash drive again. Updated. More codes, weird number games, a few jokes from the Teen Titans about Batman, and part of a video of Bart driving the Batmobile with text scrolling across the bottom. "Don't let this happen to you."]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Okay, well, maybe it's Tim who needs the haircut.]

You don't? How do you expect to learn anything? [He just shakes his head in mock sadness, pointedly ignoring Bart's amusement. Maybe he'll forget. After all--cake.]

I wasn't sure. Now I know. I think we should try it, if we can find everything we need.

[Oh, yeah. Nothing could possibly go wrong with this plan.]

By asking? It's been working so far. I've got a big mouth and a reputation for being clueless. [He shrugs.] Makes people less suspicious of my questions.

[But back to the cake. It's very important. That it is Tim's birthday cake will linger in the back of his mind, but the glee at a potential party has slipped into the nether. Bart doesn't want to do anything that Tim's so obviously against, even if it's for his own good. The shock of that much fun might kill Tim.]

Yeah, we're probably going to have to substitute things. I haven't seen any cherries on this island. Do you have a smoke alarm?

[They've totally got this, bro.]

[Well, that might be the cause of the tiniest bit of concern. Smoke alarm? Well. They'll cross that bridge when they come to it.]

We can open the windows. I haven't seen cherries either, but I'm sure we can find something else that will work.

[He said he read the cookbooks. He didn't say that he put the knowledge to practical use. Cakes take almost an hour. That's like. Days. Or it is without a decent distraction.]

Well. I think this just means we have an excuse to try every native fruit to see which tastes better with chocolate. Oh my god. Tim. [Bart grabs him by the shoulders. This is serious business.]

Tell me there's chocolate. I'm okay with no Doritos and steak, but no chocolate is too much. This reminds me. Gotta figure out a way to make kedani pizza.

[Tim looks back at him solemnly.]

I am certain that there is some kind of chocolate equivalent here. [He hasn't gone looking, but didn't Zatanna mention something about it?]

And if we can handle cake, we can definitely handle pizza. I'm pretty sure it's a lot less complicated.

Awesome. [Bart lets go of Tim and nods.] I didn't want to waste rations on something that wasn't filling. Not that there was a junk food category for rations.

So. Let's handle both. Birthday dinners are a thing. I think. You probably want something boring like grilled chicken and salad. We'll just put all that on the pizza. C'mon.

[Bart's at the door. ]

Let's do this. Food shopping. Could be fun. Okay, that's a lie. You've had months longer to try all the food here. You gotta come to.

Salad pizza is a thing. As are birthday dinners. [Dinner sounds a lot more manageable than some kind of birthday party.] But we can do real pizza. Even I go for real pizza sometimes. Especially at birthdays.

[He starts moving toward the door where Bart is--very patiently, for him--waiting.]

Salad pizza is a nightmare. Keep anything green on your half of the pizza.

[Bart holds the door open and waves Tim through.]

Well. Peppers are fine. Broccoli too. But nothing leafy. I don't care if you give it a fancy name like frisée or endive. I know what lettuce looks like. Hey - are we walking? And does pepperoni exist here? Fish pepperoni counts at this point.

Yes we're walking, and don't worry--nothing green and leafy allowed on the pizza.

[He starts heading out.]

There has to be some kind of solid, room-temperature stable salami around here. I wonder if there's a Canadian bacon look-alike, though...

[Groaning and rolling his eyes at the confirmation that they're walking there like normal people, Bart pulls the door shut and follows Tim, overtakes him juuuust a little, not too far, because while he knows his way around, Bart doesn't know the best place to get anything.]

Solid, room-temperature... dude. Just call it pepperoni or salami. That's all covered in those words. You might have to tell the kedan that it's shelf-stable, but I? Already know that.

[Bart snerks at the Canadian bacon comment.]

What, you're not going to call it a pink, highly-salted, lean meat product? I guess artichokes and red onions don't violate the leafy greens ruling...

You're the one that said fish pepperoni would count, and I'm not sure I agree, so I wanted to be a little more vague to cover all our bases. [smirk]

Well, if I have to to get my point across. You don't think the Kedan know where Canada is? And I think artichokes are more of a chartreuse, don't you?

[And he checks up on his speed a little, because sometimes messing with Bart is just that fun and easy.]

Edited 2013-07-27 12:30 (UTC)

Fish pepperoni would count. With all the salt and the spices how can you even tell what the original meat was?

No, I don't think the kedan know where Canada is. I'm also pretty sure Canadians don't call it Canadian bacon, so we either need another name for it. Or.

[Bart stops walking and rapidly taps his foot as he waaaaaaaaaits for Tim.]

Dude. I will pick you up. And I can carry you.

[He considers saying that Bart wouldn't actually do that, but that would probably just provoke him to do it, so he speeds up again instead, returning to a normal walking pace.]

So what should we call it instead?

[Bart is a few steps ahead of Tim, but he turns around and walks backwards because he prefers talking face to face, so he can see expressions and gestures. It keeps him more focused.]

Oh! I know that one. Pretty sure it's back bacon. It's not normally so perfectly English-muffin-sized though. Man. Now I want an Egg McMuffin. Never gonna get one here. Even if you do have the ingredients, it's never the same. Gotta be the preservatives.

[Have a faint look of horror.]

Those things are horrible for you. I don't think it's real egg. Or cheese. Or english muffin.

[Have an unabashed grin.]

Are they? I'm kinda thinking it doesn't matter. If you saw what I eat in a day back home, you'd probably gain five pounds just by looking at it all. I feel bad about it really - I'm not a cheap mouth to feed, and the Garricks are retired so. I wish I wasn't back there, in a way, but I think everyone's set on me actually finishing high school this time around. That means I have to live with guardians and not work.

[Tim reaches out to pat Bart on the shoulder. And not actually mockingly, really.]

That sucks. There are times that I really don't mind being an emancipated high school dropout.

[Because he does not miss high school all that much.]

[Bart nods slightly at this and shrugs habitually, not trying to shake off the contact but to show that he's resigned to high school.]

Yeah, guess not. But I'd get read the riot act four times. Five if Wally decided to give it a go. Which he would. Maybe six if Linda decided to butt in, but I'm hoping she'd take mercy on me. Proooobably not, she's got the college education of the family.

[If Tim is counting and has a working knowledge of the current Keystone crew, that tally is one short.]

I keep thinking I should argue I can pass for 18. I've gotten fake IDs and transcripts three times already, what's one more and I can work my way through college while I out looking old enough for the police academy again?

Edited 2013-07-28 01:40 (UTC)

[Tim frowns slightly in confusion at Bart, because shouldn't Max get an honorable mention, too, if he's counting every Flash adult ever?

He laughs at Bart's mention of faked transcripts, though.]

Hey, if you get them to agree, I can definitely help with that. I'm pretty good at forging realistic paperwork.

[Oh, Max was being counted. It's actually Barry that he thinks wouldn't notice. Max is the main reason why Bart hasn't pressed, because he's pretty sure that Max would never forgive him for dropping out, and if going to high school is the price he pays for having Max back, well, Bart would make that trade any day.

Bart sighs.]

Yeah, it's the agreeing part that's not gonna happen. How did you get yours to let you go the emancipated minor route? I mean, I know about... [He waves a hand in lieu of saying 'Bruce died'] But you turned 18 yesterday, which means he was fine and anyway Dick was around in the meantime. Did you pull out a pocketwatch and start hypnotizing people? 'Tim has always been emancipaaateeeed'.

Well, I did get the paperwork started when I was in Bludhaven, but that was... kind of a completely different situation.

[Regarding a fake uncle and a whole lot of other stuff.]

And at the time Dick kind of had his hands full with the new kid, and no one but me thought Bruce was coming back, and we had to deal with Hush, so. [He shrugs.] The hypnosis was easy in comparison.

Plus, you're kinda an easier sell as 'able to take care of himself' before a judge. What with everything being all this-is-here, that-is-there.

[Bart is miming two little boxes with his hands and putting them off to his left and then his right. It's his completely non-sensical, outdoor and in public way of saying that he's always managed to keep both personae extremely separate. Overlap is at a minimum, where Bart just overlaps them all over the place.]

Not trying to say you're anal or OCD. Intensely together is how I'd put it.

[It's a good thing Tim gets Bart-speak, because otherwise that probably wouldn't make a ton of sense. He grins a little at that.]

'Intensely together.' I think I like that.

[Excuse you, Tim. That makes all kinds of incognito sense. Bart's brilliance is so under appreciated. ]

Yeah. It's the only way I can think of that doesn't make you sound crazy or boring.

[They come up to a merchant, and Bart's distracted by the stall.]

Finding substitutes would be a lot easier if I could throw our the mental link between sight and taste.

I'm neither crazy nor boring. [Pause.] Though I suppose an argument could be made for crazy. [What with the running around in tights and the extreme compartmentalization.

He considers the food on offer at the stall.]

...Yeah, I know what you mean.

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