video;

[aread]

[Well this sure is a video post. It opens on Kidd, who's looking rather casually bored, dressed up in all the stolen finery one might expect of a pirate. His accent is vaguely British-y, and his tone is casually bored.]

I've heard tell this turtle of ours stops off at locations along the course of its journey. And these shores— would anyone say they at all resemble the Caribbean? Nassau, perhaps?

[He assumes otherwise, but it never hurts to ferret out little bits of information. If nothing else, mention of Nassau might weed out any who know the region and what it stands for. Stood for. He cocks his head to one side, there's maybe a hint of something predatory to his expression.]

I find it curious, aye, to be plain, that we can be so long at sea without fear of outside attack. Pirates, and the like. This place is grand enough, but hardly impregnable. Has anyone considered proper fortifications for it t'all? A blockade, perhaps, or cannons? Or something a sight more modern, I understand there's all manner of things not common to my era.

Thanks be to you, listeners.

[A casual salute, and cut feed.]

Comments

[backinakidflash]

Sneaky. But, if you were planning to, we kinda wouldn't be having this conversation at all. You're the one who started the whole topic. Why tip me off?

[aread]

Could be I'm trying to get in your confidence for some reason or other, and have it in my head to lead you into a blind by tipping what you think my hand may be.

[Okay, now Kidd's just trolling.]

[backinakidflash]

My confidence doesn't need all those zigzags. I mean, you know that I know that you might be lying. So you know that I know that you know that I am probably coming up with two strategies.

And now I know that you know that I know that you know I've got two strategies and you're working on counters.

Only I'm not new, so I've got nothing holding me to any of it. But you want to know what's up, so it's your move, matey.

[aread]

[Yes, Kidd is definitely fond of you. Good job, Bart.

In a slow, considering sort of way,]

'Matey'.

Surely you've a better grasp of relevant lingo than that.

[Ohhh, it's a challenge. Maybe a mild challenge. But a challenge.]

[backinakidflash]

[The look on his face is 100%, solid-gold smartass, and, yes, he is doing his best to imitate Kidd's accent.]

I'd ask if you wanted to bet on that, but you'd be playing booty. You should find yourself a nice morts and settle down. I hope she's no gill-flurt. Tarts are for prigging, and what if she cuckolds you, eh? Then what? Bone the blackguard! He even bit your witcher-tilter while he was in residence! It's the thummikins for him! Hope they both get crinkums!

[Bart leans in to the camera and raises an eyebrow.]

Is that gonna be good enough, or do I have to work my way through the vocab of every early 1700s novel I've read? That'll take awhile.

threadjack

[asoothingvoice]

[And suddenly and without warning, in 100% 'mom' voice:]

Bart!

[She has no idea what in the world more than half of that means but she has a pretty good idea.]

[backinakidflash]

[That tone is entirely to much like the one Max used to get a lot.]

I was only proving that I know the lingo!

[He is completely justified in this.]

[asoothingvoice]

[Truly the sign of a professional.]

And you couldn't do that without being rude?

[backinakidflash]

[Oh, Max was a professional. Bart made him a professional.]

Those were the first words popping into my head that fit together right!

[asoothingvoice]

[Not the sort of thing to be proud of, Bart.]

How often does saying the first thing that pops into your head work out well for you?

[backinakidflash]

[To see someone change that late in life? Totally proud of it.]

In the short run or long run?

[asoothingvoice]

[Max deserves a medal. At the very least, macaroni art or a mug.]

Let's say both.

[backinakidflash]

[He has a mug! It says 'Max' on it. Very useful for knowing that it is not OK to eat Chef Boyardee out of said mug and leave it on the counter for the noodles to get stuck to the sides.]

Short run: it cuts to the chase and gets things done faster. 's about a 95% success rate. Long run: I get cuffed round the head. Or grounded. Or, hey, they might forget what I said. OR it turns out I was right all along. I'd say there's a 33% chance it bites me in the ass eventually.

Oh, and 80% of all statistics are made up.

[asoothingvoice]

[Truly, Bart is the best choice to end up saddled with if one is to be saddled unexpectedly with a teenager. Respecting the coffee mug instead of appropriating it and leaving it dirty for the morning is a very important thing.

Either way, that gets a laugh out of her.]

Funny.

But you still need to mind your manners.

[backinakidflash]

Yes, Mrs. Reyes.

[He opts for the polite response, to be on the safe side, although she totally lost all her authority by laughing. It was worth it for that.]

[aread]

[Don't mind Kidd, he'll just be laughing his ass off, shall he?]

A word of advice, lad. I've never in all my days heard anyone talk quite like that. But the words have their veracity, true enough. Leave off the accent next time, though. A man may think you're mocking him.

[backinakidflash]

[If he's laughing, he's not insulted. Excellent. Mrs. Reyes can calm down now.]

Neither've I. Read it, though. Does that count? And I'm not mocking you. Homage is sideswiping imitation.

[aread]

Given that most men of my nature can scarce sign their own mark? What you're reading is the fancy of dandies and dilettantes, less the real thing.

[Definitely not offended. Kidd is way too laid back for that particularity.]

[backinakidflash]

[Bart shrugs at this.]

Hey, take it up with the librarians. I'd prolly like that real stuff better, but. Like you said, not exactly the height of literacy. Besides. Everyone exaggerates in their autobiography.

[aread]

Disease, death, famine, mayhem and murder, that all sounds like a keen idea to you, does it, mate?

[Kidd's tone is mild, but rather deceptively so at this point. Gurl, you did not just imply all that would be fun or awesome.]

[backinakidflash]

[Oh, he did, but, as usual, Bart's thinking wasn't really grounded in reality. He'd been caught up in some swash-buckling novel, and the reminder that life can suck is slightly sobering.]

What - your era's cornered the market on any of those things? I mean, it's gotten better for some, worse for others. But I know how to make penicillin and vaccines, so it's all good.

[aread]

I'm not talking about cornered markets. Human nature ain't like to change, not in a single lifetime or a thousand. It's the way of folk, to do what pleases them and damn the consequences. There've been plenty of lads, run away from a farmer's good life to be a pirate, and they've died just the same as the rest. There's excitement and adventure aplenty, but you'd be a fool to think it's naught else.

[Also: people really need to stop talking about words that haven't been invented yet. Kidd's brow furrows just slightly. The inference isn't too great a leap, but...]

Medicines, you mean? You're an apothecary?

[backinakidflash]

I would run away from a farmer's life to be a pirate so fast your head would spin. Plants grow slower than molasses.

[Bart gives the question serious thought. Whole seconds go by.]

No. But I could be anytime I wanted. I could be a lot of things, or pass myself off as them like Frank Abagnale. Only better, because I have the knowledge to pull off the stunts that tripped him up. I think the word you'd know it as is polymath. Or just assume a brilliant street kid got a gentleman's education - and, no, I didn't steal that from Great Expectations, if that book's even been written when you lived.

I know a lot about a lot. If you put me on a boat, I could chart a course and sail it. Which would help the whole running-away-to-piracy plan.

[aread]

And you can be months between ports, as well. The corn in another man's ground seems ever more fertile and plentiful than your own, mate. A good thing to keep in mind.

[The next bit, tho.]

And I suppose you could build one, too, aye?

[Sarcastic? Definitely. But Kidd is interested on a deeper level than that alone implies.]

[backinakidflash]

[At first, Bart looks crestfallen at the mere thought of being confined to a boat for months, but then. Duh. He wouldn't be stuck on the boat.]

Faster than you could, that's for sure. But people have tried the the whole boat idea before. It didn't pan out. And there's the whole barrier thing.