tushanshu | video

[The network gets an eyeful of weathered, gaunt and very green goblin features as the hooded creature straightens in his chair from fiddling about with the keys. There's half a toothy grin on his lined face; when he speaks his voice is like the bastard child of gravel and sandpaper.]

There we go, I'm a fuckin' natural at this. Anyway, hi, how are ya. I've had a few chats on this thing but for the benefit of the rest of you bums - and I mean that in a very caring way - the name's Styx.

First off, let's get it out of the way: yeah I'm a fuckin' goblin, yeah I fuckin' talk, yeah it's a fuckin' miracle. And if you don't have goblins in your homeland and don't know what I'm talking about, congratulations. I'll make sure someone delivers your medal.

More importantly, who's a guy gotta kill to find steady work around here? I'm not a fucking merchant's helper, you get me? But you need a scout, you need someone or something tracked down, someone's got your property and you need it fetched back quiet-like, that kind of shit, you're singin' my song. [Or, you know, spying and assassinations, that'll work too. But he'd be stupid to be too loud about that in front of too large a crowd.] Last job I took was guiding a guy through hostile territory, real nasty time but I fuckin' got him where he had to go. I don't play around.

Speaking of which, last thing. I doubt he's here or the wallpaper wouldn't be looking so pretty anymore, but I gotta mention it. Anybody runs into an orc named Arkaïl - bigger than me, greener than me, not half as charming though - you send that lunkhead my way. Guy's dogshit at diplomacy, I can't take my eyes off him for ten minutes. Orcs, am I right?

...unless he broke something or owes you money, in which case I've never met him.

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[He's ugly but amusing, in her opinion.]

If killing people could be steady work, then I'm sure we'd have a lot more fun going on.

[This is pretty much exactly what he's going for. It's worked out well enough for him so far in life.]

Ehh, I don't know about that. You'd run out of people, and then who pays you? Kinda impractical when you think about it. And me, I like practical. Guides and finders and shit have less drama to clean up afterwards.

[Yep. Nobody here but us ugly, amusing, cheerful little goblins.]

Oh come on. You don't have to kill everyone to something good going. Butchers don't kill all the cows on the farm, do they? You know how to keep up enough to keep the business working.

[She's just teasing him a bit now.] And besides, who ever had fun in life with no drama?

Ha! Me, that's who! [He shakes his head, grinning again, with a side of self-deprecation.] I'm an old man, kid. Dramatic ain't so good for my heart.

Kid? [No he did not just call her that.] Listen, if you can't handle excitement because of a bad ticker, then maybe any line of work is too "dramatic" for you.

[Most people are kids in his eyes, alas. A side effect of being old as dirt. His easygoing manner doesn't waver.] Your concern is touching, but I think I can make it through another day or two somehow.

[She is so concerned that her eyes can't help but roll. It's empathy, really.]

Since barely anything ever happens around here, I think you're safe for longer than that.

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