[handset; audio] 002 - late at night

[needmetoo]

[Xion finds it easier to go with voice for this; it affords her a certain sense of anonymity, but doesn't give her the same opportunity to censor and second-guess herself that text has proven to allow, when she's tried to use it thus far. It's still not easy to talk about. Maybe that's why she does this when she does. Part of it is because these thoughts are keeping her up of course, whirling around her head until sleep seems impossible. On the other, it means maybe people are less likely to see this. Maybe.]

Is... there anybody you really, really miss?

[There's a moment, and then she laughs a little to herself, though there's no humor in it.]

I guess... that's almost a silly question, huh?

[Deep breath, in and out. Anybody can probably hear the sigh whuffling across the feed.]

Back home, I had my friends. But then I... left. A lot of stuff had happened, and I just needed to think for a while. But... I hadn't meant to stay away, not forever. I was going to go back... but now I don't know if I'll ever see them again. That's what everybody keeps saying, right? That there's no way to go home.

How do we know if they're okay? People we've... left behind? And... Even if they are okay, even if... if they don't notice we're gone...

[She trails off, not quite sure how to articulate her thoughts on the matter. Whatever else though, it's something uncomfortable she doesn't really care to contemplate. And yet it's hard not to.]

I guess I'm just... [worried] Never mind.

Comments

handset, audio;

[inkulcation]

It's only natural.

...however, one of the very few people I might miss is too busy making himself a nuisance here for any like sentiment to linger long.

[A notable pause before the faintest of softenings in tone.]

There's nothing you can do about your home from here. Whatever business you left unfinished, clinging to it won't help.

[needmetoo]

[The fact that one of the speaker's friends is here in Tu Shanshu is vaguely noted, but set aside for the time being.]

I know... I know I can't... do anything here. [In some ways that's what hurts the most. Feeling so helpless on top of everything else that really stings about the situation.] But... it's so hard to just let go of.

I can't just... stop missing them, too.

[Or worrying about them, and what she'd done.]

[inkulcation]

Holding onto a thorned vine will only drive the barbs deeper.

[There's a kind of understanding, though, regarding feelings one would love to stop having but just can't.]

You'll probably always miss them. That doesn't mean you need to make that your only focus.

Perhaps take up a new hobby.

[needmetoo]

I don't... it's not like it's all I ever think about, I just...

[It's a feeling that's been keeping her up at night a lot more often lately. Especially now that she wishes she could talk to them, ask for their advice. She's homesick, in a way.][Never really had the chance to do much with them.]

[inkulcation]

It's late, and your mind wanders uncomfortable places.

[Understanding. Not one she particularly likes sharing, and it's been a while since anything actually kept her up at night, but some understanding nevertheless.]