video; fanfic narration. because he can.

[choiced]

[OOC: Warning for some smuttiness! I will avoid explicit stuff, and replies should likewise avoid explicit stuff, but there is absolutely smuttiness going on.]


[Zelos will be honest -- he didn't really know what to think of the fanfiction at the Foreigner Festival when he first realised what it was, and he hasn't gone out of his way to find any more since. There's something about the idea of someone narrating his life that doesn't sit well with him.

But then. But then.

He gets his hands on these.

When the camera turns on, Keeliai gets treated to one of Zelos's smarmiest grins. He's holding a book -- or a paper document that does its best to pass for a book, anyway -- and he waves it at the screen.]

Hello there, all my beautiful hunnies! I have a special treat for everyone today. You know those stories people write about us? [He waves the papers some more.] I hit the jackpot! You'll never guess what I found.

[Some people can maybe guess.]

Hang on, I'm going to read out the best part. If anyone knows who 'Inaev Morenth' is, by the way, I'm happy to pay you to tell me. Okay, so here we go! This one's called The Hot Dust.

[And Zelos clears his throat, repositions the papers, and... proceeds to narrate what is unmistakeably, from the very first word, smut. Perhaps mercifully, people can turn off their consoles whenever they want.]

Comments

[annihilist]

[He has nothing against it, if it's well written.

And Zelos seems to have missed the memo that Devin has backed off. Hm.]

You'd be surprised how relative both of those conditions are. [Smirk right back at him.] As for that particular kind of experience, I could probably run circles around both of you. Pity we'll never find out for certain.

[choiced]

[... Is Devin saying he's both four thousand and seventeen? What the hell does that mean?

Also, it's funny how instantly Zelos is not interested when imaginings and teasings have already included Kratos.]

Kratos, maybe, but me? [Suspicious squint.] How old are you, anyway?

[annihilist]

[That is, in fact, exactly what he's saying. Shit gets weird when you have a fragment of an angel living inside you.

Very smug smirk:]

One hundred twenty-four. Do some mental math.

[choiced]

My answer depends on your frequency, though. Kratos is four thousand, and you know what he's like. Do you want me to make bad assumptions in my mental math?

[Zelos will actually do this mental math, Devin. You see if he doesn't.]

[annihilist]

Four or five times my age is a conservative calculation. I don't keep track.

[And the implication of his phrasing was that he rarely had repeat partners in a year, with the exception of one whom he will not be talking about. Ever. Any and all emotional attachment was not allowed. Even shaving off the first decade and a half of his life, and factoring in the two wars he'd fought through, it was a lot of people.]

[choiced]

Four-hundred-ninety-six to six-hundred-and-twenty? That's a big margin for error.

[It's both more and less than Zelos anticipated. On the one hand, he's happy to see being immortal doesn't turn you into... well, Kratos. Or Yuan. But on the other hand, only four or five times a year?

Something Zelos does not consider: that this is still a great deal more than he himself can say.]

You agree there should be more of this around, right? [Shaking the papers.] You don't agree with Kratos.

[annihilist]

I never put much stock in knowing the exact number. It's not something that needs boasting about, given how long my kind live.

[His lifestyle means spending about half the year alone. The vampire shrugs lightly.]

I think it has it's place, but like any number of topics, should be made available as appropriate. Certainly, I don't have anything against it's existence.

[choiced]

[Not something that needs boasting about? Goddess, Devin, if you can't boast about how often you've slept with someone, what can you boast about?]

Yeah, yeah, put the proper warnings on it, blah blah blah, I get it. You don't need to beat it into my head. It's still better than Kratos and his 'think of the childen!', so thanks for that.

[annihilist]

[To be fair, there's very little Devin is actually proud of that he feels he can talk about in the first place. Boasting is more of an act than anything, with him.]

Oh, look, an adult decision. I'm glad this is being recorded for posterity.

I expect you'll be making more of these dramatic readings?