video; fanfic narration. because he can.

[choiced]

[OOC: Warning for some smuttiness! I will avoid explicit stuff, and replies should likewise avoid explicit stuff, but there is absolutely smuttiness going on.]


[Zelos will be honest -- he didn't really know what to think of the fanfiction at the Foreigner Festival when he first realised what it was, and he hasn't gone out of his way to find any more since. There's something about the idea of someone narrating his life that doesn't sit well with him.

But then. But then.

He gets his hands on these.

When the camera turns on, Keeliai gets treated to one of Zelos's smarmiest grins. He's holding a book -- or a paper document that does its best to pass for a book, anyway -- and he waves it at the screen.]

Hello there, all my beautiful hunnies! I have a special treat for everyone today. You know those stories people write about us? [He waves the papers some more.] I hit the jackpot! You'll never guess what I found.

[Some people can maybe guess.]

Hang on, I'm going to read out the best part. If anyone knows who 'Inaev Morenth' is, by the way, I'm happy to pay you to tell me. Okay, so here we go! This one's called The Hot Dust.

[And Zelos clears his throat, repositions the papers, and... proceeds to narrate what is unmistakeably, from the very first word, smut. Perhaps mercifully, people can turn off their consoles whenever they want.]

Comments

[simulsimul]

Why?!

[Look, he just wants to know. Kratos's face is nothing but incredulity. Understated incredulity, but even so. It's emotion. He has nothing against people who like porn. But to share it with the world ...?!]

Video

[redlightgreenlight]

[Valdis is not amused and it is quite evident by the expression on her face.]

Don't you have better things to do than read porn over the network?

text

[ruinsprofessor]

Zelos, where are you?

[annihilist]

Oh, please, mercenary. Why not? Let the man have his fun.

[simulsimul]

[Kratos doesn't splutter, but it's possibly a close thing. His face seems like it's attempting to look horrified and not quite sure how to go about it.]

There are children with access to the network.

[choiced]

Oh hey, Kratos! [Shrug.] Why not?

[And, still with that smarmy grin, Zelos keeps going without missing a beat. Look, if you want to stop listening, feel free.]

[simulsimul]

Zelos Wilder.

[Oops it's a Dad Voice. A scandalised Dad Voice, even.]

[annihilist]

[Well, alright, fair point. But: asshole. Asshole attempting to be more of an asshole because a past vulnerability needs to be patched with bastard spackle.]

It's also not an automatic broadcast, but if it'll make you feel better, I have some very creative ways of shutting people up. Judging by the content of said broadcast, he might even enjoy a few of them.

[choiced]

Thank you.

[Zelos doesn't know Devin all that well, but the more he sees and hears, the more he likes the man. Of course, Zelos will also like anyone who agrees with him, really.]

There's plenty more where that came from, if you want it. [Paper shake.]

[simulsimul]

[Kratos's face is attempting to do several things at once. Horror, distaste, and -- yes -- amusement are among them. Most of it is hidden when he facepalms quite literally.]

If you do, please leave that between the two of you.

[Why this.]

[choiced]

Whaaat? I'm just having some fun. If you don't like it, turn off the console.

[Page turn.]

[annihilist]

It's not a genre I favor, as it happens. There's precious little to read around here until I can learn kedanese, and while I may miss my library, I'm not quite that desperate.

[Zelos, Devin is not the kind of person you ought to like.]

He does have a point, however. You may want to make the broadcast a bit more difficult to access, seeing as your glee has potentially gotten in the way of your common sense.

[choiced]

[Zelos pauses to think about this.]

No, not really.

[simulsimul]

[Eyes narrow.]

Would you appreciate your sister clicking on this by accident?

[Yes he went there.]

At the very least you should be declaring what's in it so people can ignore it at their will.

[Dad Lecture ahoy.]

[redlightgreenlight]

I'm pretty sure that exposing children to porn is an arrestable offense.

[And as Chief of Police, she would know.]

But if you are so bored, I could give you something more worthwhile to do.

video;

[choiced]

[Zelos pauses in his narration long enough to read the text, and laughs. Come on, Raine. He's not that stupid. He doesn't even reply -- just keeps going.

The background of the video is a pretty nondescript storage area, but if Raine looks closely enough, she might be able to make out a business name on one of the boxes.]

[annihilist]

[That was a fun and delicious combination of emotions to elicit. Devin wishes he could record that for posterity.]

Suffice it to say you'll be spared anything but imagining my methodology, unless he's a fan of retelling his own exploits as well as narrating. That you'll have to take up with him, however.

[choiced]

I'm not exposing anyone to anything! [Offended.] I'm sharing some awesome writing, and anyone listening can stop listening whenever they want. I'm not forcing it.

[He makes a face.]

And I didn't say I was looking for something to do. Look at me -- I read porn over the network. Are you sure you want my help?

[simulsimul]

You've already given me ample opportunity to imagine that, I assure you.

[And he's declined. His face, mercifully, is settling back to its neutral state, save an air of exasperated amusement.]

At least if the two of you are busy with each other, you won't be inflicting yourselves upon the rest of us.

[It's a tease, really.]

[choiced]

[Eye roll. Goddess damn it, Kratos. Why do you have to ruin everything. Why do you have to make Zelos actually think about what he's doing. That gives you the moral high ground, and that's just... wrong.]

If she liked the writing, sure. Who am I to say she's not allowed?

[This is not at all how Zelos would actually feel.]

[redlightgreenlight]

Two words. Public. Network.

[Valdis seemed to consider his question for a moment.]

I think you act the fool. I've seen it before.

[ruinsprofessor]

[Of course he's hidden himself away. Of course. Raine spends a while squinting at the broadcast, trying to discern a marker.]

[Then she takes to her rheaird. It takes some trial and error, but maybe an hour later Raine is poking her head into this particular storage area, eyes narrowed.]

[choiced]

[Okay, Zelos is rescinding that assessment with a scowl.]

I don't have any common sense. Ask anyone.

[And now Zelos's pause is a little more thoughtful. A little less impulsive.]

So you work for Kratos now, huh? He says jump, you ask how high?

[simulsimul]

[His eyebrows lift.]

So you wouldn't mind if someone left a book out and she happened to stumble upon 'Betty's undulating body'?

[choiced]

[For the love of -- how observant are people around here.]

So you don't want my help. That's cool. Why would you arrest me and not anyone over at the Red Lantern? That's right out in public too.